The Real Housewives of Orange County

By Brian McManus
Add Comment Add Comment | Comments: 0 | Posted Dec. 24, 2008

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Tues., 10pm. Bravo

First things first: There's nothing real about The Real Housewives of Orange County. Not their hair color, their nails, their tans or their tits. Then there's the fact that real people work. And not at bogus insurance or real estate gigs acquired as part of their husbands' unending and misguided largesse, either.

Alas, the "real" housewives--Tamra, Vicki, Jeana and Lauri--are back for a fourth season.

Wait, wait, wait. Fourth season? Could we possibly need to watch another 11 episodes of these materialistic turds?

Well, yes. The Housewives franchise is the crown jewel on the tiara in the pageant of the world's most callow reality TV, an exercise in people thinking they're worth a shit simply because they have some shit. Without it, the horribly insipid kids on My Super Sweet 16 wouldn't know how to act.

So what's the monarchy up to this go-'round? Vicki continues to build her insurance business, even though it hurts her husband Donn's feelings. Tamra is still coping with the difficult relationships she has with her estranged father (smart guy) and shit of a 21-year-old son, Ryan, while keeping busy as a stay-at-home mom to three other children.

Jeana is trying to figure out what to do after a separation from husband Matt, and Lauri continues to enjoy life as a blissful newlywed despite the challenges offered by her own shit of a kid, Josh. And there's a new castmate, too: Gretchen, a 30-year-old blond bombshell who "poses an immediate threat with her youth and golden good looks," according to Bravo's website.

Oh, but wait. Gretchen's fiance Jeff, an older man who spoils her rotten with diamonds and gifts during their whirlwind engagement, has been diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia.

All the Botox injections and mansions in all of California can't keep reality from intruding forever.

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