Mondays, 10pm, CBS
Captive audience: Lost fans; people who grew up watching The Six Million Dollar Man; middle-aged moms who need to see Josh Holloway shirtless.
Moment of truth: With the influx of Lost alumni appearing on CBS shows (Daniel Dae Kim on Hawaii Five-0, Michael Emerson on Person of Interest), I’m starting to think the Tiffany Network is where Jack and the rest of Oceanic Flight 815 went to at the end of the last episode. You can now add Josh “Sawyer” Holloway, who stars in this high-tech actioner as an ex-Delta Force operative who gets implanted with a microchip that turns his brain into a super-computer. Yes, it’s Chuck for people who thought that show was too geeky. But despite the show’s dips into derivativeness, it’s still watchable.
Emmy or phlegmmy: Phl-emmy.
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
Currently available on Crackle.com
Captive audience: Comedy nerds; gearheads; people who usually look for something on the web that’ll kill some time at work.
Moment of truth: Considering how amped everyone was to see Jerry Seinfeld and Jason Alexander reprise their Seinfeld characters in a Super Bowl ad for Seinfeld’s all-star web series, I thought I’d check out the show’s recently-wrapped third season. Seinfeld continues to find entertainment value in monotony, as he sweeps up such comic A-listers as Louis C.K., Tina Fey, Howard Stern and recently departed Tonight Show host Jay Leno in snazzy, vintage automobiles and have them shoot some very insightful shit over coffee. As always, Seinfeld is so damn good at making something out of nothing.
Emmy or phlegmmy: Emmy.
Basketball Wives L.A.
Mondays, 8pm, VH1
Captive audience: Hoes; golddiggers; chickenheads—the usual crowd.
Moment of truth: For a minute there, I thought I’d give the wives, girlfriends and sidepieces on this Basketball Wives spinoff (now in its third season) some slack. After all, this crew of dolled-up ladies includes concerned mothers, cancer survivors, even proud bisexuals. But, sure enough, when these ladies get together in the second half of the season premiere and begin to immediately get on each other’s nerves (“Are you a ho or not?” is a question that’s actually asked), I remembered why you should never give sad, pitiful spectacles like this a chance. At the end of the day, these women are still awful.
Emmy or phlegmmy: Phlegmmy.
In Memoriam: David Brenner