Sundays, 10am, FOX
Before cable, Saturday mornings were all about cartoons. These days weekend TV hardly holds the same allure, but if you find yourself still alive after the joust between beleaguered Juan Williams and sneering Bill Kristol on Fox News Sunday, stay tuned for Eagles Kids Club. Yes, it’s local, so you know it’s an amateurish mess.
The cartoon characters are a freckled, red-haired girl, a bland boy named Franklin and a beefy future quarterback who’s clearly being voiced by a guy in his 50s trying very hard—perhaps by doing crunches as he talks—to sound like a 9-year-old Shaggy. Last Sunday’s show started on a schoolbus. The freckled girl—a Maria Goretti version of Lisa Simpson—was teaching her school chums lessons about transportation, aided by an Eagles robot that popped out of her backpack. Swoop, the Eagles mascot, was also on the bus, though he said nothing, probably because in real life his costume is worn by the same guy who voices the 9-year-old quarterback.
After some unforgivable Wright Bros. puns, the show went to a non-cartoon interview with Brian Dawkins, who was personable and delightful and obviously very expensive. Asked if there was something no one knew about him, he wisely steered clear of admitting he thinks his children’s names (Cionni, Brionni, Chionni) are wack, and confessed to an affinity for the ’80s song “Come on Eileen” by Dexy’s Midnight Runners. He even sang it. Ah, Wolverine, we’ll miss you.
Perhaps the funniest moment in the entire show—other than the use of the phrase “Philly Phacts”—came from Eagles long snapper Jon Dorenbos, who said something like, “As most of you know, I’m a magician in the off season ... ” If only he could keep Dawkins from disappearing.