Cocoon (1985): At the risk of being shallow, mankind prefers images of fleshy fluid exchange to feature the young and well-sculpted. But as any gold-digger knows, the elderly can be just as libidinous as the young. This Ron Howard weepie—an eerie prediction of Viagra—finds a host of Florida retirees suddenly spry and, more to the point, “uppity,” after absorbing the life energy of visiting aliens. See Wilfred Brimley treat Maureen Stapleton to a shower seduction.
Grumpy Old Men (1993): Jack Lemmon vanishes his cane all up in Ann-Margret. (And, more improbably, Walter Matthau does the same to Sophia Loren in the sequel.) Love these inventive sexual euphemisms? Burgess Meredith unleashes an encyclopedia of them over the end credits.
Innocence (2000): Reunited after 40 years, former lovers get down to business in Paul Morrison’s unabashedly romantic and, more importantly, very R-rated romance.
Too Young to Die (2002): This tale of septuagenarians falling in love, based on a true story and starring the real couple, was banned in Korea. Why? Because it’s as honest about geriatric love as it is explicit in its depiction of same.
Play the Game (2009): Andy Griffith gets his knob polished by Seinfeld’s mom. Unexpectedly, this much-reported development did not result in boffo box office returns.
The Last Station (2009): The followers of Leo Tolstoy abstained from sex, believing they were following their leader. But according to this biopic, the novelist (Christopher Plummer) enjoyed a healthy sex life with his wife (Helen Mirren), complete with the exchange of brayed animal sounds before mounting.
Glomming onto a random Tolstoy quote professing the importance of love, 'The Last Station' seeks to knock its subject off a pedestal, but all it does is erect another one, replacing one bullshit myth with another.
"Twice Born" is one too many