The Angry Grammarian

By Jeffrey Barg
Add Comment Add Comment | Comments: 1 | Posted Dec. 12, 2007

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Sine Qua Nonsense

I haven't read Harry Mount's acclaimed new book Carpe Diem: Put a Little Latin in Your Life, nor do I intend to. Latin is to blame for some of our dumbest English grammar rules.

Mount's been enjoying a bit of celebrity of late, with his op-ed about why the presidential candidates should learn Latin sitting atop The New York Times' most-emailed list last week.

My ire has nothing to do with being forced to recite Aeneid passages while my high school Latin teacher played the Last of the Mohicans soundtrack because he thought it made it sound more dramatic. (I only wish that were a joke.) Rather, it's because, as Mount says, we have ancient Rome to blame for the rule against splitting infinitives.

Latin infinitives are one word, so someone decided you shouldn't split up English infinitives (e.g., "to boldly go" becomes "to go boldly"). Which is dumb.

There's a good reason Latin is dead. Grammarians who insist on antiquated, pointless rules: You're next.

There's one singular, gender-neutral pronoun used much more widely in the U.K.: "one." Why would one need to invent a new word such as "hu"?

I'll happily (re)admit that "hu" is the dumbest thing to come along since the interrobang. But "one"? That's like combining the awkwardness of "his/her" with the obnoxiousness of plain ol' "his."

Take "Everyone finished his/her/hu's/one's work." Using "his" or "her" is exclusionary, and using "his/her" is just annoying. "Hu" isn't (and won't be) a word, so that leaves us with "Everyone finished one's work."

Whose work actually got finished? People's own work, or did they do the work of others? Or was this whole group of people really incompetent, and therefore able to finish the work of only one person?

What if there's a guy named Won? That could easily be misheard as, "Everyone finished Won's work." What, is Won too lazy to do his own work?

In other words, by using "one," you're demeaning Asians.

Succumb to the superiority of "they"/"their." Or we could always go with the Latin "eius," which works both ways.

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1. M. Taylor said... on Jun 25, 2009 at 01:46PM

“Why is it that when offering a birthday greeting after the date people say "Happy Belated Birthday" when it's the greeting that is late, not your birthday? I've heard this phrase on newscasts (specifically Renee Chenault Fattah) and different TV programs. Thank you is, of course, the proper response, but I cannot help rephrasing it in my mind to "Belated Happy Birthday" when it has been said to me.”

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