The Angry Grammarian
Moody Blues
On the surface it looks pro-grammar. That's what makes it so damn sinister.
At the sparse lovefromjack.com, "Are You Killing the Mood?" purports to defend the subjunctive. It lures in language fans with its clever double meaning on "mood," readying them for a treatise on one of the English language's prettiest forms. Jack (briefly, inadequately) explains the subjunctive mood: a verb form that expresses something contrary to fact, or that follows clauses of necessity, demand or wishing. ("If he were to read the Angry Grammarian every week, he would be a better person.") Then the site engages in bald-faced mockery.
It "encourages" people to use the subjunctive everywhere they go: "My God, Charlene, if it were the case that your mother had just died (which it is), I would be so sorry (which I am). I insist that the upcoming funeral give you a sense of closure. Should it turn out that there is anything I can do, I demand that you let me know!" He even encourages readers to contact those who conduct standardized tests to "keep the mood-killers out of our elite institutions."
This type of sarcasm isn't what the subjunctive needs. Jack is absolutely correct that the subjunctive is endangered, but it needs to be taught, not exploited.
A well-placed subjunctive verb can turn the most callous, roughshod sentence into a soft, flowing beauty. "Was" sounds hard and mean and German; "were" rolls along more peacefully. Both came from middle English, but at least "were" has "w�re" in its etymology, and that cool "�" thing alone is reason enough to savor the mood.
�
Define Print
Last week Merriam-Webster, the media whores of the dictionary world (quit sucking up to Stephen Colbert already, would you?), released a teaser list of 20 of the nearly 100 words they're adding to the dictionary this fall.
Too soon: speed dating, crunk, DVR.
Too late: agnolotti, microgreen, Bollywood, perfect storm, smackdown, RPG.
WTF: snowboardcross, nocebo, chaebol, flex-cuff.
And we finally have the first productive thing to come out of the Iraq War: a dictionary definition of "IED." Language fun has never been so depressing.
This week on the Angry Grammarian podcast: "Paws on the Clause," a musical call to action, by AG and the Ellipses. Subscribe free at http://www.philadelphiaweekly.com/?inc=podcasts
Paws on the Clause
By AG and the Ellipses
Verb and subject bound in jail
Had no chance to tell their tale
Keep your paws on the clause, hold on
Said independence, it is great
Ain���t gonna be subordinate
Keep your paws on the clause, hold on
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1. ched said... on Aug 4, 2008 at 06:48AM
“Thank you, thank you, thank you for your recent smackdown of "an historic" so much beloved by hypercorrective poseurs everywhere. You are being too kind, however, by giving a pass to those who use it in speech (as opposed to writing). It is they, after all, who are responsible for the proliferation of this grammatical abomination. Besides, there is rarely ever any self-righteous satisfaction to be gained by correcting a printed page.”