In Due Time

Biology sucks.

By Liz Spikol
Add Comment Add Comment | Comments: 1 | Posted Aug. 20, 2008

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The only person who hasn't mentioned my getting knocked-up is my dentist. He has a large photograph of his beautiful kids in the office. They all have sparkling grins. Maybe he doesn't like them?

The reason it's taken me so long to decide is because there were many years when I wanted to minimize my imprint on the world's surface. Any sufferer of depression or psychosis knows what I mean. Even after I got stabilized, I didn't exactly embrace life.

But then I read a novel by John Galsworthy in which a character, Old Jolyon, passes away right as he's appreciating the beauty of the world around him. The grass, the trees, his dog at his feet, the promise of spring ... and then he dies.

Old Jolyon was so real to me, I was undone by his death. But it woke me up to how lucky I am. Whenever I see anything beautiful and unspoiled now, I sigh for Old Jolyon and wish he were here to see it too. Galsworthy gave me an appreciation of the idea that life is short--and experience is vital.

If I follow that logic, I'd be missing an incredible human experience by not getting pregnant and giving birth--not to mention the breast-feeding and the development of a mewling pink mini me.

Most important, for someone who once wanted to die, giving birth is the ultimate cosmic revenge.

Unfortunately, I just don't think I'm ready. Yet if I wait, it might be too late for things to happen easily. It doesn't seem fair.

One thing's for sure: If and when I do get pregnant, I'm wearing some seriously sexy maternity clothes. That way if I do run into Thomas, there won't be any confusion.

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1. Terri Trespicio said... on Aug 25, 2008 at 10:09AM

“Whether you're past the point of conception remains to be seen. My brother in law's mother gave birth to her sixth child at 45 years old--and she was diagnosed with breast cancer. No one thought she'd live long enough to raise that baby. Well, that baby just turned 29 and she is alive and kicking, and has been going in for chemo once a week for just about as long. The only real hindrance to living our lives is when we keep thinking it's too late for anything. It's not. Which is why I also think it's high time you asked Thomas out for a drink already. Enough with the coy, questionable distance. Go for it, for godsakes! -Terri T., friend/coworker of your Philly friend Jill Russell”


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