Steven Wells Spends 13 Hours With the Big Talker and Other Idiots

By Steven Wells
Add Comment Add Comment | Comments: 0 | Posted Feb. 20, 2009

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5) I and you and everybody else who's ever listened to talk radio might have up to 25 pounds of compacted fecal matter clinging to our colon walls "like spackle or paste."

7:45 p.m.
Ugh. I'm starting to feel as if my head has been filled with quick-setting concrete. But not in a good way.

On WNTP 990 AM Hugh Hewitt is flogging the dead horse of Obama's somewhat tenuous connection to a 1960s student radical. Then he skins the horse and prances around wearing the skin, waving the dead nag's moldy thigh bones and shouting "abooga-booga."

Hugh Hewitt

I feel like I'm in the middle of someone else's circle jerk.

Because that's what Fox News and talk radio are all about really--mutual mental masturbation.

Bitterness loves company. Much as junkies and alcoholics seek the company of those similarly afflicted, so those who hold what they know are selfish, nasty, mean-spirited and (whisper it) immoral beliefs actively seek out those who are similarly morally corrupted.

That's why left-wing talk radio has never really succeeded. Lefties don't need their worldview constantly affirmed by others. Reality does it for us.

There was a great article by playwright David Edgar in last Saturday's Guardian exploring why professional neo-cons--many of whom are former
socialists--are such horrible human beings.

"Most people who leave the far left," writes Edgar, "do so because of (left- wing organization's) authoritarianism and manipulation ... and, most of all,
their dismissal as "bourgeois" of the very ideals that draw people to the left in the first place. As (Stephen) Spender wrote, the communist, "having
joined the party, has to castrate himself of the reasons which made him one."

"For many, however, there is a double paradox: On opening their suitcase at the end of the journey, they find not just that the libertarian ideals they left the left to preserve have gone missing, but that the only thing remaining is the very cynicism and ruthlessness which they left the left to escape."

In other words the talk radio neo-cons are the exact mirror image of the demented Stalinists and Maoists they effect to despise--political zealots clinging to the rotting lifebelt of a discredited philosophy, adrift from reality in a sea of tedious and self-perpetuating bollocks.

And that's why--in the topsy-turvy Alice Through the Looking Glass world of talk radio, the Republicans are still the party of small government and fiscal
responsibility; the war is going swimmingly; privatization is always a good thing; George Bush is a strategic genius, a great political thinker and a war
hero; deregulation of the stock market and the savings and loans industry has been a massive success; the economy is booming, the tax cuts for the super-rich are working and everything would be groovy if only we could just get the women back in the kitchen, stop the negroes from being so goddamn uppity, put the gays back in the closet and somehow turn the clock back to 1959 forever.

It's nearly 8 p.m. The polls are about to close. White male calllers to WNTP 990 AM are apparently convinced that because Obama knows a Chicago history professor who was a former Weatherman, he's as good as an out-and-out terrorist himself (boogabooga).

"I don't think [Obama] is an Islamic fascist. I think he's a hard-left ideologue," says Hugh Hewitt to a listener. The listener then compares "the Marxist" Obama to that other "gun grabber" Adolf Hitler. If I wasn't so numb I think I might start smashing my face into the keyboard.

Instead I'm holding my nose and swimming through the sewage to the shore.

It's been a blast. Woodstock on crack. A sort of reverse detox. Let's not do it again sometime.

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