Savage Love

By Dan Savage
Add Comment Add Comment | Comments: 1 | Posted Dec. 17, 2008

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Fact is, your girlfriend is a pig and a slob, and she'd be a pig and a slob even if she had a cock and balls.

There's a guy out there for her somewhere--a guy with similar habits, a guy with a higher tolerance for loudly chewed food or a guy with a fetish for girl farts--and the sooner you DTMFA, the sooner she can start delighting him with her uninhibited ways.

My partner and I have a great thing going--madly in love, together a year, a great sex life, similar hobbies/interests/etc. Basically, we're both on the same page in thinking, "This is it!"

We've both been very open and honest about everything, including our relationship histories, but yesterday something caught me completely off guard. In the course of a dinner conversation that led to talk about old partners, I asked how many she'd had, thinking her number was a few more than mine (10, unless I'm forgetting someone). She sheepishly answered, "100." One-zero-zero!

She lived in NYC for a couple years, and maybe that's how people do it there. But I'm a good-hearted, Southern, serial- monogamist boy and this makes me feel, well, odd. Actually, I'm really not sure how I feel about this, but I'm definitely feeling something.

I have zero fear of her cheating on me, and she's way into our sex life, but I'm not sure what to make of this. Thoughts?

Way Tons Fewer

Your girlfriend had a lot of guys, so your girlfriend knows good guys from bad, and good sex from bad, and she could get another guy, a different one, whenever she wanted. And yet she's with you, WTF, and she's faithful to you. Which can only mean one thing: You must be pretty awesome. Your girlfriend could have any dude she wants--she's had almost every dude she's wanted--and yet she chooses to be with you.

You know what you should make of this? It's a compliment, WTF, and you should take it as one.

Long story short: I'm a 28-year-old Aussie gay guy, very recently dumped, his choice, not mine. But the reason he gave for breaking up was the way we met. He believes that for a relationship to truly work, it's important to be friends first. As a single gay guy, I've tended to meet guys at parties and clubs, and I always figured you start with sexual chemistry and develop a friendship from there. Am I being shallow?

Suddenly in the Scene

Okay, SITS, your ex said it didn't work out because you weren't friends first. But what your ex meant, SITS, was that it didn't work out because once he got to know you ... he didn't like you.

Sorry if that's harsh, but there it is. No one dumps a man he truly loves--or even likes well enough that love is still a possibility--on a bullshit technicality like that. ("I'm just crazy about you, but we met on a Tuesday and I've always felt it's important to meet someone on a Thursday, so ... ") You had good sexual chemistry at the start, it seems, and you developed stronger feelings for him as things progressed. But the more he got to know you, the less attracted he was.

It's possible that your ex has concluded that the next person he dates has to be "friends first" because you weren't friends first and it didn't work out. God only knows what he'll decide to do if his next relationship--one with a guy who was "friends first"--doesn't work out. Enemies first, perhaps?

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1. Shelley Dustin said... on Apr 20, 2014 at 09:11PM


Me & my boyfriend was planning to get married last month, just last week we had some argument that made him get angry on me just because of the argument, he said we will not be married again and the next day he left me and we broke up. I still loved him and I wanted him to marry me, for me to get him back i had no choice than to contacted dr.marnish@ yahoo. com to help me and he helped me to bring my lover back to me so we can continue our plan to be married. he came back after 3 days
Shelley Dustin”

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