Savage Love

By Dan Savage
Add Comment Add Comment | Comments: 0 | Posted Oct. 16, 2012

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I was happy to see my letter in your column. After I wrote you, I had a long conversation with my boyfriend. When I asked what we should do if I was pregnant—something all sexually active couples should talk about—he said he would want me to give it up for adoption or keep it (with the help of child support payments from him) but that I could have an abortion since “the letter of the law was on my side” (we live in Canada, for which I am eternally grateful). After a couple days of thinking about it, I reopened the discussion. You hit the nail on the head when you said this was about equality and respect. Even though he claimed he respected me, he admitted that he would ban abortion if he could, essentially arguing that I am less capable of understanding what pregnancy means and the effect it would have on my life than he is. I broke up with him. I’m writing to thank you for giving me the boost I needed and to calm the nerves of the commentators who really didn’t like the lie-about-pregnancy suggestion.

Love Is Finding Errors

I’m glad your anti-choice boyfriend is now your anti-choice ex, LIFE, and your letter is a good reminder to everyone who reads my column or any other advice slinger’s column: It’s called “advice” and not “binding arbitration” for a good reason. The people who ask me for advice are free to make up their own minds. And I actively encourage everyone whose letter appears in the column to lurk in the comments and see what you have to say. Because, you know, sometimes your advice is better than mine.

Finally, a word to all the anti-choice men out there who were so hurt that I told their girlfriend—imaginary in many instances—to dump them. If you oppose abortion because you believe that “sexual choices should have consequences,” as more than one of you stated (was there a form letter circulating?), then you should be able to wrap your heads around this: Political choices have consequences, too. You can choose to be anti-choice, and women can choose not to date you.

Consequences! They’re not just for women anymore! 

Your response to My Friend’s Kinky Son struck a chord with me. When I was a preschool kid, my evangelical next-door neighbor presented me with a magnificently illustrated Bible—which I still have. The only part of that Bible that piqued my interest was a graphic image of the Israelites in bondage in Egypt: lots of sweat, whipping and blood. I was excited by this image, Dan, and I was only 4 years old! By the time I was a teenager, I was collecting bondage porn (magazines back in those days) and crafting my own bondage gear. Inevitably, my prying mother found my kinky stash. Much shaming and lecturing ensued. It made not a bit of difference: I just got better at hiding my stash. Being berated for one’s sexual preferences by your parents as a child is probably an inevitable part of having BDSM tastes, just as it is for a lot of gay people, but it can’t “change” someone.

Likes Irregular Forms of Erotic Release

Thanks for sharing, LIFER.

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