Enter the Elephants

By Jacob Lambert
Add Comment Add Comment | Comments: 3 | Posted Feb. 20, 2009

Share this Story:

Wandering through the trees. (Photo courtesy of Tyler Arboretum.)

Editor's Note: Yes, Barack Obama's speech was inspiring and magnificent. Who wants to watch the Republican National Convention after that? Not us. Luckily, Jacob Lambert -- the creator of The Philadelphia Turkey  and author of PW's recent Craig LaBan noir mystery -- is doing the watching for us. He'll be posting throughout the week, so check back.

It's hard to imagine how, after nearly a decade of shoving America and strategic areas of the Middle East towards a kind of Alan Moore dystopia, the Republican Party could muster the slightest bit of enthusiasm for itself.  Even the halfwit teenager who gets sloshed on J�ger and wrecks his dad's car knows, instinctively, to show a degree of contrition afterwards.  To keep his voice down at the dinner table.  To generally stay the hell out of the way.  But America is a democracy, not a family, and the Grand Old Party, as nobody calls it, lacks the discretion of even that zit-faced dullard. 

This is an election year, in case you weren't sure, and starting Monday, St. Paul's poetically-named Xcel Energy Center will host an event of staggering chutzpah: the Republican National Convention.  Eight years of mustache-twirling villainy have apparently not been enough--and with the time-honored assistance of confetti, balloons, and threats of Death by Terrorist, the GOP will try to hogtie Joe F-150 all over again.  

For a hint of the ideological septic tank in which the Republican Party still bobs, one need only scan the roster of convention speakers: CheneyBrownbackGiulianiBush.  Outside of a Neil LaBute film, a more dispiriting group of men would be difficult to find.  Now, you may call Barack Obama's message of change facile and hollow--and if he survives the next two months of Rovian savagery, they may ultimately prove to be just that.  But at the very least, the Democrats haven't come to embody a sort of bloated, grinning antipathy

That is what the party of the stammering, increasingly pathetic McCain has come to represent -- even more than low taxes, deregulation, and minority repression. In the coming days, watching these people stand in the spotlight and say that John McCain is worthy of our vote -- without pausing to laugh -- would seem almost funny if the stakes weren't so high.

Add to favoritesAdd to Favorites PrintPrint Send to friendSend to Friend

COMMENTS

Comments 1 - 3 of 3
Report Violation

1. Keith Lawhorn said... on Sep 1, 2008 at 08:11AM

“Oh Jacob, Why so shy? I wish you would finally open up and let everyone know just how you REALLY feel. It is absolutely amazing to me that you seem so incredibly capable of holding back. Hey Kid, relax and let us all know how you really fee.”

Report Violation

2. B.G. LAMBERT said... on Sep 1, 2008 at 09:31AM

“OBAMA COULD WIN THE JOB ALLRIGHT, BUT SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT WHEN HE UNFURLS ALL THOSE PROGRAMS WITH A DEM CONGRESS. WATCH YOUR TAX BILL HIT RECORD PROPORTIONS. SOMEONE HAS TO PAY FOR NEW DEAL GREAT SOCIETY WAR ON POVERTY AND IT AIN'T THE RICH BUCKO, THEY KNOW HOW TO AVOID IT. UNKABOB”

Report Violation

3. Sam said... on Sep 1, 2008 at 10:15AM

“Hi Jay, Your post in the weekly should be amusing, laughable, and entertaining; not just reporting actual newsworthy events in an unbiased matter-of -fact manner. (Or is this one and the same?)”

ADD COMMENT

Rate:
(HTML and URLs prohibited)

MORE

Article:
Amsel Bright

Article:
Random Act

Article:
Random Act

Article:
Random Act

Article:
Random Act

Article:
Random Act

Article:
Random Act

Article:
Random Act