Best Bi

There are two sides to every story.

By Steven Wells
Add Comment Add Comment | Comments: 5 | Posted Apr. 28, 2009

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“Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual. The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats … The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects.”

—Alfred Kinsey, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, 1948.

 

“The difference between a straight guy and a gay guy,” I was once reliably informed by the owner of a London all-male masturbation club, “is about two pints.”

I was drinking my third pint at the time.

An awful lot of people think I’m gay. By which I mean an awful lot of people think the only reason anyone would ever write about sexuality is because they’re gay.

“Why do you give a shit?” asked a gay pop star I was interviewing for an NME article about homophobia—shortly after my then-girlfriend brought him a cup of tea and some digestive cookies.

Then again, an awful lot of people think I’m straight. I’m married to a woman. I shop at the Gap. Most of the people I’ve ever had sex with have been female. Most of the people I’ve ever seen on the street who’ve made my eyes bulge out on stalks and my drooling tongue fall out of my mouth and my cartoon heart pound like a jackhammer have been female. And when (for research purposes) I look at straight porn, I probably spend more time looking at the females than I do the ubiquitous, enormous, rock-hard cocks.

So I guess that makes me straight. Straighter than I was at 16. But, just for the record—to paraphrase that quintessential bet-hedging sexual toe-dipper Katy Perry—I have kissed a boy, and I liked it.

It used to be really uncool to be bisexual. I remember reading a “Gay Lib” leaflet that concluded with a dictatorial, “Make your mind up!”

Then there was poor Brett Anderson, lead singer of indie band Suede, who said in 1992: “I’m a bisexual who’s never had a homosexual experience,” and was crucified for it.

At the time, I thought, “That probably describes an awful lot of people I know”—although when I tested this out in the NME office, I found every single hetero male I asked had some homosexual experience. (According to a 1995 survey, half of all men who’ve had a homosexual experience don’t consider themselves gay or bisexual.)

Born in 1960, I grew up in a pretty bi era. I don’t think it a coincidence that the two big pop sex icons of the ’60s—the Beatles’ Paul McCartney and Brian Jones of the Rolling Stones—both looked like butch girls.

And there was “Lola” by the Kinks—a rousing, passionate, soccer-hooligan anthem about a guy who decides that it doesn’t matter a tuppenny damn if the chick he loves is actually a dude.

In my adolescence, pop was dominated by glam rock—the glorious “brickies in drag” who played with gender like it was Play-Doh. And there was Bowie, of course.

And then came punk, which tried terribly, terribly hard to be asexual. But because most of its participants were teenagers with raging hormones, it merely succeeded in making the asexual sexy.

Gay punk star Tom Robinson had a hit with the single “Glad to Be Gay” in the UK in 1978. I remember a show in the hard, grimy, working-class town of Bradford, England, where I stood and sang the chorus with thousands of other young punks, the vast majority of whom I can guarantee spent their entire adolescence using the words “puff” (the Northern English version of “faggot”) and “woman” as if they were the vilest epithets. As I know I did, even as I developed a dizzying crush on the Eton-cropped boy at table tennis camp.

After the show, Robinson sat autographing records and merchandise when a wee girl walked up wearing a “GLAD TO BE GAY” T-shirt and said: “Er, my mate says you’re a puff. Is that true?’

Today Tom Robinson is heterosexually married with kids, for which fact he has been mocked both by the homophobic British tabloid press and attacked by some gay activists.

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1. Nico said... on Apr 29, 2009 at 11:40AM

“As a bisexual woman who has laughingly referred to herself as a bisexual man in a woman's skin, I found this article to be both refreshing and amusing. Most of the time when the subject of sexuality comes up in conversation with the close minded and confused sort, be they gay, straight or lesbian I typically keep my mouth shut to avoid dealing with their small mindedness and antiquated attitudes about bisexuality unless I happen to be in an aggresive mood. Thanks for setting everyone straight Steve. Right on!”

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2. Charles Tyson said... on Apr 29, 2009 at 06:57PM

“There has been many a person who claims that bisexuality "doesn't exist!"

I've come across that intellectually-stunted viewpoint from several different kinds of people.
Even a good friend of mine who is otherwise very open minded and liberal told me that "being gay is not a choice but being bisexual is!"

You don't choose to like your own sex, but then going to the opposite sex IS chosen behavior! And also that there really isn't a "bisexual." Just varying degrees of "gay." She views anything not heterosexual as just being "gay." Any attempts on my part to dissuade her from this fallacious mindset just resulted in a heated argument in which I almost jumped from her moving car!

Needless to say, in order for us to remain friends, that subject never came up in conversation AGAIN!!! :)”

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3. Monica said... on May 4, 2009 at 10:17AM

“In terms of bisexuality being a choice; the way I see it is that the only choice we have in terms of our sexuality is the choice about how we identify ourselves.
We also have a RIGHT to self-identify. So all of those folks who tell us that bisexuality doesn't exist, may be suggesting that it is not my right to choose my label, but everyone else's right to label me. Pretty sure that most gay, lesbian and hetero-identified folks prefer to claim/choose their label instead of some of the vicious labels that get thrown at them.

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4. JS said... on May 5, 2009 at 12:07PM

“No Mr. Wells, that doesn't make you straight. Maybe you're straighter now than at 16, but based on your statements, mostly women get you excited and most of the people you've had sex with have been female, to me make you mostly straight, but not entirely. You might as well embrace it. I never thought any of those rockers looked like butch girls. Maybe Steven Tyler.”

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5. Rick said... on Dec 10, 2012 at 09:35AM

“As a married guy, 40, wife is 35 and sexy I can say that occasionally I feel the "need" for a male/male massage and it almost 100% ends with mutual touching and oral for both of us or just him "making me" do it for him. It's the taboo of it being so taboo and erotic that does it. I do it for my wife with our toy to role-play it too but I don't have the guts to do it for real for her (yet)

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