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Hi, It's Fucking Cold

Remember how, like, two weeks ago, we thought it was cold? Well, the joke was on us. We don't know about you, but we had plans for this week. We were going to go to this place and the other place, and wear the cute shoes, but then this ... this ... snow came along and ruined it. Motherfucker! Now we just want to hide in our bed and watch Snap! A History of the Paparazzi (Sun., Jan. 30, 8pm. Discovery Times Channel).

Here's What's Fun

Yes, store openings have after-parties now: ?uestlove DJed at Pharrell Williams' after-party in Manhattan for the opening of the Bathing Ape store in Soho the other week. Best-ever ?uestlove assistant Dawn Englehart took pictures of our future husband, Mos Def, with Square Biz's Yameen. >> Inquirer editor Amanda Bennett brought her Rollerblading troupe into the paper's offices a couple of Sundays ago. "I look up, and all of a sudden there are all these dudes in Lycra pants circling around," says a bemused staffer. "Think of the lawsuits!" says another. "If one of them fell, it could put us out of business!" >> Overheard at 32š's third-anniversary party: "I can't even be nice to fat people."

Here's What's Crap

What happens to a dream deferred? Like a raisin in the sun, plans for Sizzle, the free daily arts-and-culture publication the Daily News has been threatening to inflict on our media-saturated town, shriveled last week. "Plans for Sizzle were put on temporary hiatus," says a Daily News staffer. "The rumor circulating is that management had to come up with a budget for Knight Ridder, and couldn't find a way to justify the expense." Er, among other things. >> Jazzy Jeff's 40th birthday party last Saturday was moved from cavernous Shampoo to cozy Fluid. Intrepid intern Eva strapped on her snowshoes to report a slightly awkward experience and learn us a funny phrase: "We get there around 11:30 and there are 10 people there. Some guy at the bar tells me that's about five more people than there were 15 minutes ago. 'Happy 40 ounces to my boy Jazzy Jeff!' one of the DJs keeps saying. 'Don't be afraid of the dance floor.' At this point I feel like I'm in junior high because we've formed a scattered half-circle around the dance floor and no one is dancing, just bobbing their heads to the music. By 1:30 there seem to be at least 100 people there--regular white guys doing the white man's overbite on the dance floor."

(Def.: white man's overbite. Popular style of dancing among white people with no rhythm, wherein you bite your lower lip and don't move very much.)

Things to Do This Week
(Other than feel like you're in Shaun of the Dead, only the zombies have been replaced by lunatics in sport jerseys flapping their arms)

>> Arthur Schlesinger comes to town to rub it in our faces that some people are able to keep their newspapers out of the hands of filthy bastard corporations. Thurs., Jan. 27, 8pm. $12. Free Library, 1901 Vine St. 215.686.5322. www.library.phila.gov

>> Everyone's jizzing all over Bright Eyes right now (see p. 32), but all the smart kids are paying attention to the opening act, the weirdo-artsy, Portishead-esque sisters that are Coco Rosie. Fri., Jan. 28, 7:30pm. $28. Academy of Music, Broad and Locust sts. 215.893.1999. www.r5productions.com

>> Watch Canadian "sapphic revisionists" Lesbians on Ecstasy, lesbian comic Marga Gomez and performance artist Vicki Divine Revenge be ecstatic about being lesbians. Wed., Jan. 26, 9pm. $10. Balcony, 1003 Arch St. 215.922.LIVE. www.thetroc.com

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