NEWS AND OPINION > THE PHILADELPHIA TURKEY

By Jacob Lambert

Saffron Rips Lemonade Stand New Asshole

In her Friday column, Philadelphia Inquirer architecture critic Inga Saffron ripped a Queen Village lemonade stand a new asshole—calling it “shamefully thoughtless” and “structurally abysmal.” “Not only does [the stand] block six square feet of sidewalk, creating a daunting pedestrian bottleneck, it is terribly out-of-balance with the block’s historic, well-kept rowhouses,” she wrote of the stand, set up by April Hutchinson, 7, of the 300 block of Fitzwater St. “Even worse, it seems to have been made from an overturned cardboard box—reflecting a wider local trend towards distressingly substandard materials.”

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Posted Jun. 1, 2009 | Comments: 1

NEWS AND OPINION > THE PHILADELPHIA TURKEY

By Jacob Lambert

Smerconish’s Ass Gets Own Show

Representatives of 1210-AM “The Big Talker” were yesterday thrilled to introduce the newest member of their right-leaning lineup: the buttocks of Michael Smerconish, whose recent star turn in Philadelphia magazine has rocketed the ass to widespread local prominence. “By adding these buttocks to a team that already includes Rush Limbaugh, Dom Giordano, and the rest of Mr. Smerconish himself, we’re offering listeners a wide range of conservative opinion,” said station manager Tom Yates, introducing the naked, pockmarked rump at a midday news conference

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Posted May. 26, 2009 | Comments: 0
RELATED: Bill O'Reilly and Michael Smerconish Against Vigilantism. We Now Endorse Vigilantism.

NEWS AND OPINION > THE PHILADELPHIA TURKEY

By Jacob Lambert

Face Transplant Recipient Unveiled in Rittenhouse Square

“Unlike [Cleveland patient] Connie Culp, Vanessa Van Dusen’s treatments were the result of restlessness and low self-esteem, not a shotgun blast to the face,” said University of Pennsylvania bioethicist James Hatty.

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Posted May. 18, 2009 | Comments: 2

NEWS AND OPINION > THE PHILADELPHIA TURKEY

By Jacob Lambert

Specter Changes Parties, Sex

Two weeks after his surprise defection to the Democratic party, Sen. Arlen Specter yesterday made an even more shocking announcement: that, following a secret weekend procedure, he had become a woman.

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Posted May. 11, 2009 | Comments: 1
RELATED: Democrats Need A Choice , Bored of Sestak-Specter-Toomey Yet? Not Us

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PhillyNow

Wanted strip-club shooter has rap sheet of prior charges, all withdrawn
By Tara Murtha

According to this report at Philly.com, police have identified Henry Pettigrew as the fool who, after cartoonishly slipping and falling twice while running with an AK-47, managed to fire several rounds into the Purple Orchid Gentleman’s Club in West Philly on May 11. The Raw Story reports that the shooting was retaliation for the DJ [...]

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Posted May. 24, 2013

PhillyNow

How the federal government is following Pennsylvania’s lead in cutting food stamps — and going a step further
By Randy LoBasso

The war on public assistance has hit Pennsylvanians hard since Gov. Corbett came into office in 2011. A little over a year ago, he introduced a food stamp asset test, which would seek to make sure those Pennsylvanians receiving SNAP benefits do not have too much money in their savings or checking accounts. Earlier this [...]

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Posted May. 23, 2013