NEWS AND OPINION > THE PHILADELPHIA TURKEY

By Jacob Lambert

Saffron Rips Lemonade Stand New Asshole

In her Friday column, Philadelphia Inquirer architecture critic Inga Saffron ripped a Queen Village lemonade stand a new asshole—calling it “shamefully thoughtless” and “structurally abysmal.” “Not only does [the stand] block six square feet of sidewalk, creating a daunting pedestrian bottleneck, it is terribly out-of-balance with the block’s historic, well-kept rowhouses,” she wrote of the stand, set up by April Hutchinson, 7, of the 300 block of Fitzwater St. “Even worse, it seems to have been made from an overturned cardboard box—reflecting a wider local trend towards distressingly substandard materials.”

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Posted Jun. 1, 2009 | Comments: 1

NEWS AND OPINION > THE PHILADELPHIA TURKEY

By Jacob Lambert

Smerconish’s Ass Gets Own Show

Representatives of 1210-AM “The Big Talker” were yesterday thrilled to introduce the newest member of their right-leaning lineup: the buttocks of Michael Smerconish, whose recent star turn in Philadelphia magazine has rocketed the ass to widespread local prominence. “By adding these buttocks to a team that already includes Rush Limbaugh, Dom Giordano, and the rest of Mr. Smerconish himself, we’re offering listeners a wide range of conservative opinion,” said station manager Tom Yates, introducing the naked, pockmarked rump at a midday news conference

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Posted May. 26, 2009 | Comments: 0
RELATED: Bill O'Reilly and Michael Smerconish Against Vigilantism. We Now Endorse Vigilantism.

NEWS AND OPINION > THE PHILADELPHIA TURKEY

By Jacob Lambert

Face Transplant Recipient Unveiled in Rittenhouse Square

“Unlike [Cleveland patient] Connie Culp, Vanessa Van Dusen’s treatments were the result of restlessness and low self-esteem, not a shotgun blast to the face,” said University of Pennsylvania bioethicist James Hatty.

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Posted May. 18, 2009 | Comments: 2

NEWS AND OPINION > THE PHILADELPHIA TURKEY

By Jacob Lambert

Specter Changes Parties, Sex

Two weeks after his surprise defection to the Democratic party, Sen. Arlen Specter yesterday made an even more shocking announcement: that, following a secret weekend procedure, he had become a woman.

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Posted May. 11, 2009 | Comments: 1
RELATED: Democrats Need A Choice , Bored of Sestak-Specter-Toomey Yet? Not Us

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PhillyNow

Pennsylvania Rep. Introduces Bill to Defund Planned Parenthood
By Randy LoBasso

Shocked? Don't be.

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Posted May. 23, 2012

PhillyNow

Firefighters’ Union Calls on Commissioner Lloyd Ayers to Resign
By Randy LoBasso

“Philadelphia’s rank and file firefighters previously issued a vote of ‘No confidence’ for Commissioner Ayers and his deputies,” said Gault. “Now, their incompetence and dereliction of duty have claimed the lives of two of our finest and destroyed the quality-of-life of another.”

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Posted May. 23, 2012