There is only so much freedom. The more gays have, the less straights have.
So far so good. But then the Frenchmen says: “Ah yes, but now they are letting gays marry, this means that your straight wedding vows are worthless, utterly devalued, not worth the paper they are written upon, mere trash!”
“My God!” says your wife, already feverishly tearing off her clothes. “You are right!!”
And within seconds she and the stranger have cleared the table and are rutting like beasts even as you sit there in total shock, the spoon of tomato soup still half way to your mouth.
And then you look around you to find that every table in the dining room is now fully occupied by a formerly happily married American woman shrieking in ecstasy as she is furiously rogered by one of the many thousands of bestially handsome and incredibly well hung European super-studs who have flooded into the U.S to take advantage of the inevitable breakdown of straight Christian marriage in the wake of far-left legislation extending the right to marry to same-sexers.
Is this really the future you want, America? If the answer is a firm, throbbing, heavily veined, purple headed, table pounding, wide nostrilled back-of-the throat roar of ‘No, Godammit!” then it’s time YOU got involved in saving America from a dictatorship of the licentious.
The following organizations almost certainly have chapters in your town or city. Look them up on the Internet and give them a phone TODAY!
Concerned Ordinary Citizens Citing Scripture and Utilizing Community Action (COCCSUCA)
Americans Seeking Solidarity Between All Normal Decent Indigenous True-believers (ASSBANDIT)
Friends Engaged in Loving Children Heterosexually (FELCH)
Together we can keep America straight. Amen.
Are the Oath Keepers for The Man? Or for The People? And how are regular people supposed to tell "legitimate" conservatives from the nutter fringe these days, anyway?
Our friend and colleague Steven Wells died two years ago today of the cancer he had documented so well in two cover stories for Philadelphia Weekly. On June 14, he submitted this column.