The Great Unraveling of the Right

Are the Oath Keepers for The Man? Or for The People?

By Steven Wells
Add Comment Add Comment | Comments: 20 | Posted Apr. 26, 2009

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This image is taken from a video posted on the Oath Keepers' web site, in which the speaker exhorts his fellow patriots to resist the growing tyranny of the federal government.

It is a constant source of amusement to people in politically boring countries like Britain and Sweden that the citizens of the United States of America generally consider themselves to be the beneficiaries of the only sane, balanced and rational political system on the planet.

Just yesterday an apparently mentally healthy young American woman said to me (as we were sat in a Center City Starbucks, negotiating the price of a case of pristine, AR-15 assault rifles):

“God we’re so lucky, I’d hate to live anywhere except America. Can you imagine having to deal with the rats? With the sewage running down the middle of the street and shit?”

I asked if she’d ever been to say, France. Perhaps enjoyed a croque messier and a limon presse outside a roadside café in the Dordogne? Maybe while watching a civilized game of boules? Played by folks kept healthy by (oh my God) “socialized” medicine and a mandatory, legislated minimum five weeks (FIVE WEEKS!) annual vacation?

And she sort of shuffled in her seat and waved her hand dismissively and steered the conversation pack to the RPGs she’s heard the Russian mafia are peddling to the anti-Obama militias said to be forming in the Pacific Northwest.

This is the way Americans see the rest of the world: Cold socialist sorta-America up north. Socialist not-really-free sorta-America full of cool old stuff like castles and shit whose asses we saved in not one but two world wars overseas. Crazy Arab bit with the oil. Third World with shit running down the street. Japan.

Most of them, anyway. Most of the time. Because when Americans differ from this cuddly consensus, they squint a little and re-imagine America as some Western outpost of the Soviet gulag archipelago except with neon and cable and strip malls and Monday Night Football and the dollar meal menu back at McDonalds. NIGHTMARE!

I’m talking of course of the teabaggers. 

And their new friends, the latest hot phenom on the most exciting (and let’s face it, totally fucking mental) political scene on the the planet—the Oath Keepers.

Have you heard about these dudes? Teabaggers with guns, basically. Or maybe that’s a little simplistic. They Oath Keepers describe themselves as a “a non-partisan association of currently serving military, reserves, National Guard, peace officers, and veterans” and their organizing principle appears the be the sacred promise that they won’t let themselves be used as the jackbooted thug Gestapo of some apparently imminent anti-American totalitarian takeover.

 Which is all well and good. No. 1 on on the Oath Keeper agenda is the promise that: “We will NOT obey any order to disarm the American people.” By the “American people”, of course, these Oath Keepers—some of whom would appear to be actually serving police officers—might well mean the American people. You. Me. Your mom. And they might well be envisioning a situation where they—as armed representatives of the state—are asked to crush armed workers soviets, formed in the next American revolution as bulwarks of democratic resistance against the capitalist pig oligarchy and its fascist stooges.

 In which case one can only say: Welcome to the class struggle, comrade Oath Keepers!

 On the other hand the Oath Keepers might actually be less concerned with supporting the working class in their struggle with their bourgeois oppressors, and somewhat more concerned with keeping guns in the hands of crazy fascist right-wing gun Nazis* and their first cousins in the terribly exciting American militia movement who wanna dial the U.S. Constitution back to re-allow slavery, witch burning and the right to torture, murder and rob your next-door neighbor the next time you run a bit low on drinking water and/or venison jerky and/or cable porn access.

 *I’m not saying there aren’t bug-eyed crazy gun Nazis in Sweden. Or Ireland. Or even Belgium. But no other country on the planet—not even those where they currently stone rape victims to death (hello free Afghanistan) —does bug-eyed crazy gun Nazis better than the U.S.A. We freaking rule.

 So are the Oath Keepers for The Man? Or for The People? Only time will tell, I guess, but in the meantime liberal spectators might be forgiven for harboring the vague suspicion (let us put it no stronger than that) that for all their anti-authoritarian and anti-fascist rhetoric, the Oath Keepers are just another layer of the vast and rapidly unraveling right-wing incompetency.

Oh, I know that as a sophisticated political observer I’m meant to be able to fully discriminate between the baggers and the keepers and the neocons and the freepers and the objectivists and the Nazis in the woods. But at the moment, who can be bothered? Mock them all and let God sort them out. It’s hot buttered popcorn time, baby. The rabid death thrashings of the American right. The best free show on the planet.

 They all hate liberals. They all hate taxes. They all hate not having a president who’s a not a total drooling fucking imbecile and an international embarrassment. But most of all, I suspect, these armed-to-the-baccy-stained-back-teeth defenders of the original Constitution really hate holidays. The Founding Fathers never took vacations. The Founding Fathers fucking hated holidays. In fact there are early versions of the Declaration of Independence with the words FUCK HOLIDAYS scrawled across the bottom. Because taking time off to reflect and rest is communist. And if there’s one thing the founding fathers hated even more that gays, blacks, feminists and gun control it was communism.

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Comments 1 - 20 of 20
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1. Alfie from the council flat said... on Apr 27, 2009 at 08:13AM

“Well done Steven! Keep smashing those Septic Tanks bruvva! Those fat moronicunts deserve the worst!

P.S. Love the sarcastic ending! The dumb Yanks will never get it!”

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2. Alfie's friend Mick said... on Apr 27, 2009 at 10:31AM

“My good mate Alfie told me about this Yank paper. I hate Septics too so maybe I'll subscribe!”

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3. Anne Smith said... on Apr 27, 2009 at 01:23PM

“Interesting points. Just one question: what's a croque messier? I've only heard of a croque monsieur or a croque madame. Maybe my French is so rudimentary I'm missing a play on words or I haven't been to the right cafes?”

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4. Steven Wells said... on Apr 27, 2009 at 02:35PM

“It's like that. Only messier.”

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5. Steven Wells said... on Apr 27, 2009 at 05:28PM

“It's such a great disguise that it's hard to tell but, on balance, I think it's probably an entirely different paranoid bald guy with half a skull for a face.”

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6. Anonymous said... on Apr 27, 2009 at 05:30PM

“//And if there’s one thing the founding fathers hated even more that gays, blacks, feminists and gun control it was communism//

Nah, they pretty much just hated Englishmen. End of story.”

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7. Steven Wells said... on Apr 27, 2009 at 06:14PM

“Sean, mate—hate to break this to you—they were Englishmen. Don't they teach you anything at school these days?”

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8. Anonymous said... on Apr 28, 2009 at 01:33AM

“Either you didn't recognize mask man's speech or you think Patrick Henry was a terrorist.

That was done on the anniversary of Patrick Henry's famous speech and is a modernized version of it- to commemorate the day.”

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9. Steven Wells said... on Apr 28, 2009 at 08:31AM

“Gee, I just thought he looked really cool and not like a total dick or anything at all. Hey, since when did so-called patriots cower behind masks and the label "anonymous"? You think the revolution would have even happened if the Declaration of Independence had been signed with a bunch of anonymous x's? Every time you post anonymously you stab the very idea of America in the back. With the knife of cowardice. And literally—literally—piss on the Constitution. With the uterus of fake-patriotism. You disgust me, you cowardly liberal scum.

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10. Fred said... on Apr 30, 2009 at 02:55PM

“May want to check your facts, Steven. The Oath Keepers were formed during the Bush admin, just gaining major steam now. I'm guessing you never took an oath, so probably wouldn't understand their premise anyway.

Yes, there are some crazies in the group, but those who point that out normally think Pelosi and Reid are completely normal.

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11. Long Live the Real IRA said... on Apr 30, 2009 at 07:29PM

“Will somebody in Philly send this cocksucking Limey home already? Preferably in a bag! Typical piss ant Slimey, pisses and moans to get a chance to live in America and then sits around talking shit about it all day.....but I guess it beats scraping by on that fucking muzzard infested, dreary fucking island from where he crawled. Scumbag. God fuck YOUR queen!”

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12. Steven Wells said... on May 2, 2009 at 08:51PM

“Wow Sean from New York (aka Guardian Sucks aka Alfie aka The Cranky Yank etc),

What a fantastic post.

You managed to combine

Support for Marxist terrorists ("Long Live the Real IRA")


homophobia ("cocksucking")


racism ("muzzard")


incitement to murder ("preferably in a bag")

Well done, mate.

And yeah, fuck MY Queen. (You really don't have a clue, do you?)

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13. Wells is a cunt! said... on May 7, 2009 at 05:43AM

“WRONG! Douche!”

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14. Steven Wells said... on May 8, 2009 at 05:47PM

“I just love, simply, love the way you use the word "douche". Makes you sound real edgy. But it's spoiled a bit by the sad fact that you're still cowering behind a fake name, and thus embarrassing the heroes that created this great nation. Shame on you, you chicken-livered plastic patriot, shame on you. It that sort of no-balls attitude had been prevalent in 1776, we'd all be speaking English.

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15. Anonymous said... on May 9, 2009 at 01:00AM

“Yaaaaaaaaaaaawn! Thank GOD we're not speaking the bullshit version of it that you and your ilk speak! 'eh guvnor?? But I digress, you're a fucking cunt.”

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16. Steven Wells said... on May 9, 2009 at 09:00AM

“Yaaaaaaaaaaawn! Oh agreed. A total cunt. But not the sort of cunt who makes anonymous death threats.
Another question: Given that you hate people of British descent who live in the US, do you think all 41 million of them should be deported?

(Although I guess the real question is—every week you get your ass handed to you on a plate, and you still you come back for more. Do you actually enjoy being humiliated? Are you a masochist? Is this is sex thing you've got going on here?)”

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17. Richard Wesley said... on May 9, 2009 at 09:41PM

“Steven, you don't get it. Oath Keepers are fighting against the decay of this country from Federalism. The Feds are your god as you look to them for all the solutions to your problems. Our country used to be free. Now you need a license or a permit to marry, drive, and pretty much everything else. Did you get persmission from the government to write this piece? Oh ya, they granted you an SSN so they could let you work for them. When the Bill of Rights were improperly applied to the states in 1897, this country started down the path towards its own destruction. We are just circling the drain, faster and faster as time marches on. You just want to sit on the sidelines and let the Republican/Democrat mafia suck America dry.”

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18. Mark said... on May 11, 2009 at 03:38AM

“I took an oath to up hold the Constitution, that makes me an Oath Keeper. Anyone who is opposed to groups like "the Oath Keepers" clearly has no understanding of American history or the crisis we face today.

FYI--The attempt to disarm the people on April 19, 1775 was the spark of open conflict in the American Revolution. That vile attempt was an act of war, and the American people fought back in justified, righteous self-defense of their natural rights. Any such order today would also be an act of war against the American people, and thus an act of treason. We will not make war on our own people, and we will not commit treason by obeying any such treasonous order.

FYI--Our nation is a Republic (not a democracy) and as such it operates under the Rule of Law as found in the Constitution. The governments roll is therefore limited and well defined, it's primary responsible is to Protect The Rights of the People. This means that the government is set up to ensure man's freedom and protect him from brutal force. Out founders knew a problem can arise, however, in that the government can become the brutal force. That is why they gave us the second amendment.

FYI--Tennessee has joined Montana in sending the federal government a loud message — hands off our guns. These new laws, currently under consideration in both Montana and Tennessee, say if firearms are manufactured and sold inside their respective states (and do not cross state lines), then federal gun law would not apply. This is just the beginning of more and more States reclaim their sovereignty and rejecting the march toward a New World Order that would impost 'World Law' on the American people. Gun rights and privacy are good places from which to start as "We The People" begin to RECLAIM our liberty by demanding our Government obey the Constitution.

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19. Murphy's Lawyer said... on Jul 7, 2009 at 12:58PM

“At first, I was really sad to hear of Wells' passing. I used to read NME a lot back in the old days, before I had real-life concerns to deal with, such as a career and family. Oh, the rockin' is still important, but it doesn't pay the bills, which keep on coming no matter how loud the music is crankin'.

Today, I've been reading a bunch of his columns, and I can't get past the unfettered hatred of all things American, or even slightly American-friendly. What an incredible idiot Steven was! He probably should have been under the care of a benign caregiver, all the days of his life.

Sorry he had to go out that way, as I've battled cancer myself and have it on the run for the moment. I feel empathy for anyone who has to go down this hideous road.

On the other hand, screw him. Hundreds of thousands of my American countrymen died to keep the world free, in the past century, including several men in my extended-family. My own Dad fought the Japs, in the Pacific.”

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20. TheMouse said... on Jul 9, 2009 at 02:07PM

“One who takes an oath is not automatically an oath keeper. Many have given an oath ( ie: presidents on inauguration day ) who were never and probably WILL never be anything more than an oath maker.

I'm proud to say I've met some of the founding members of the Oath Keepers and know personally the man behind the mask ( he was active duty Marine when he had the mask on and has since gotten out and has taken the mask off and gone public ).

It's interesting to hear Oath Keepers lumped together with murderers, to have them labeled as wishing to re-enact slavery and as being racists. The oath keepers I know are none of those.

What makes me admire the Oath Keepers whom I've is that they're willing to lay their life on the line for the constitutional liberties of even their worst accuser. Some of the hateful garbage which has been slung at them here on this forum, as distasteful as it is, would not be adequate to turn them from their resolve. They're people of honor !”


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