Dial "M" for Murder

Let's declare war on cell yellers.

By Kia Gregory
Add Comment Add Comment | Comments: 0 | Posted Jun. 13, 2007

Walking the talk: Remember when cell phones were just for important people and emergencies?

Riding the rails used to be my refuge.

In the lull of the swaying train, I'd immerse myself in a novel, lean my head against the window for a short nap or simply enjoy the solitude.

Now that peace has been shattered by the chattering voices in my head.

Cell phone conversations have gone from casual annoyances to perpetual mind-numbing torture.

And on the train there's no escape.

There's the chant of "Hello. Hello. Hellooo! ... What did you say? ... Can you hear me?"

There's the "Really? No! You're kidding!"

The conversations are rambling, mindless and loud.

"It would be an interesting psychological study to see if the people who talk the loudest and the longest are having the least relevant conversations," says fellow victim and SEPTA public relations boss Richard Maloney. "It's not about, 'My house is burning down; call the fire department.' It's, 'We saw a movie last month' and 'My cousin Ralph went to Florida.'"

"Say that again," coaxed one woman sitting across from me during a recent evening commute. "Say that again. You like your little bear? What does your little bear say?"

She repeated everything the semiarticulate child said--in the form of a question.

Finally she said, "Put your mommy on the phone," bringing bittersweet relief.

To get cell phone users to shush, SEPTA recently launched a poster campaign featuring words like "courtesy" "short" and "low." One ad tacked in the front of a car asks those compelled to use their cell phones to use their "inside voice."

And therein lies the problem.

People talk on their cell phones like they're inside their own homes.

There was a time when cell phones were the luxury of corporate executives or doctors charged with saving lives. Those lucky enough to afford them used them only in I-have-a-flat-tire emergencies.

Now with cheaper phones and cheaper calling plans, everyone--from grade schoolers to baby boomers--has one. Cell phone users prattle ad nauseam about ... nothing: "I'm on the train. Where are you?" "I dunno. What do you want for dinner?" and my favorite, "Nothing. What are you doing?"

The result is relentless noise pollution.

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