What the Primary Taught Us

By Tim Whitaker
Add Comment Add Comment | Comments: 0 | Posted Apr. 23, 2008

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Every single Pennsylvanian can now cite the Carville-ism: "Pennsylvania is Philadelphia and Pittsburgh with Alabama in between."

It would appear both Democrats running for president have made the same unspoken assessment: Joey Vento has cooties.

Photograph by Jeff Fusco.

Whistle-stop tours are cool. They look especially pretty in the countryside.

Richard Mellon Scaife, multimillionaire owner of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, once accused the Clintons of murder. Last week he endorsed Hillary. Lesson: Old rich people are scarier than polygamists.

Pigs fly! Best we can tell, Brian Tierney didn't get his picture taken with either of the candidates.

FYI: The following five random facts about Pennsylvania were revealed in a recent AP story about the election: 1) There are 7.7 million acres of farmland between Philly and Pittsburgh; 2) the state's steel, coal and railroad industries have atrophied, contributing to the slowest population growth of any major state; 3) 15 percent of the state's population is over 65 (only Florida and West Virginia have a higher percentage of seniors); 4) 82 percent of the state's population is white, compared to 66 percent of the nation; 5) and 46 percent of the state's voters are gun owners.

OMG, Chelsea can talk! And she likes gay bars!

People in Philly don't give a shit if you're good at bowling. People in Shamokin do.

Photograph by Jeff Fusco.

Bob Brady's got the biggest cranium in the Western world.

Thanks to ABC, the Constitution Center will now always be the joint where that shameful debate took place.

It's official. There are no Republicans left residing in Philadelphia. None.

Allyson Schwartz. Hillary Clinton. Marjorie Margolies-Mezvinsky. Those names must be said together. As if it's an antediluvian chant.

Bob Casey is high. Definitely. No one totally straight-talks like that.

If Obama wolfed down two cheesesteaks in succession, they'd have to rush him to Hahnemann.

This from Monday's NYT: "Philadelphia is a living museum of American history, where the political machine, though it wheezes and gasps, still functions much as it did 100 years ago." Oy.

The most disturbing reportage of the primary--a Hillary appearance in West Philadelphia--was posted on a CBS website: "The dancers spun around the floor as Clinton bobbed up and down in place. The famous song by James Brown played in the background, 'we're gonna have a funky good time, we're gonna take you hiiiiiigher' at which point Clinton waved her hands in the air. Clinton, who has not danced publicly throughout this campaign, and often makes fun of her singing abilities, briefly let loose. She kicked her legs to the beat of the music and moved her shoulders from side to side."

Will Bunch's scathing open letter to Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopoulos on his Daily News blog following the debate elicited 207 comments.

When an enlightened orator addresses 35,000 Philadelphians on a balmy spring evening, it feels good to be alive.

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