Best Porn Site
If there’s one thing people love with their news, it’s porn. Seriously. Some of the biggest news media outlets—Fox News, The Sun, the New York Post, uh, basically all Murdoch media—have been masking “sexy bikini shots” as news for as long as there’s been an Internet. Not to be outdone, Philly.com, too, gives those seeking a fleshy outlet in their cubicle some thumbnails to get that lovin’ feeling to. Right now, here are some of Philly.com’s “Photo Galleries” viewable from the front page: “Eagles cheerleader calendar shoot”; “Holly Madison, ex-Playmate”; “Kendra Wilkinson”; “2011 Daily News Sexy Singles”; and “Video: Passion prep for Lingerie Bowl.” The Passion, of course, being Philadelphia’s cleavage-y representation in the all-women’s Lingerie Football League.
Best Marriage of Skin & Sport
Speaking of the Passion, it’s fair to say that everyone on earth has at least a passing interest in organized sports, and an unbreakable lifelong obsession with sex. Can the two meet? Maybe on pay-per-view, but most definitely on basic cable. Check MTV2 listings for the Philadelphia Passion, the reigning Eastern Conference champs in the Lingerie Football League. It’ll offer all the athleticism, ball handling, lingerie and scoring that a healthy American can witness without blushing.
Philadelphia Passion. lflus.com/ phillypassion
Sexiest Class for Your Body & Mind
Nicole Carlin hopes her classes will “empower all women to love and worship their bodies, build self-confidence, connect with a group and find their inner goddess.” Just ask Carlin, founder and director of POP Fizz Burlesque, or one of her POP Fizzies, to come to your house for the next bachelorette party/girl’s night-in. Or, she’ll book a studio for her burlesque dance class. She starts with a brief historical background of burlesque, helps you get into character with props (feather boas for all!), blares some big band or ’40s-inspired tunes and then teaches a full burlesque routine (nudity implied). Carlin also hosts burlesque workshops, so check out the website for upcoming fall/winter dates.
Pop Fizz Academy, 267.217.3499. popfizzacademy.com
Best New Philly Sports Heartthrob
We all know the Phillies have the hottest lineup in MLB (the uniforms don’t hurt, either). But perhaps it’s time we move on and admire the slew of hot young tail over on the Eagles’ roster. While sadly, many of the new rookies look a little pubescent, wide receiver Jeremy Maclin is the perfect combination of baby-face and brawn. His adorable dimples and proven skills on the field make tuning in on Sundays all that much more much exciting, even if the game itself isn’t.
Best Place to Make Homemade Pasties
You know you want to don a skirt made of fruit and balloons and shake your moneymaker somewhere other than your bedroom. Enter Annie A-Bomb, AKA Anna Frangiosa, the local grand dame of the glittery arts whose gloved hand played a significant role in the local burlesque renaissance. Between penning and performing in musicals with Cabaret Red Light, Anna runs the Philadelphia School of Burlesque, where she hosts workshops on how to get sexy. She calls this one a crash course in all things burlesque: She’ll teach classic moves and give DIY costume tips designed to rig clothes to be ripped off in fancy ways. Students will also learn how to fashion a pair of homemade tasseled pasties. By the end of the workshop, the adventurous can slip into their nips and learn to do the egg-beater, that tittie-tassel move that made Elaine cry in The Graduate .
Philadelphia School of Burlesque, One day only: Sat., Nov. 5. facebook.com/pages/Philadelphia-School-of-Burlesque
Best Philly Sports Play
It was once assumed that people who worship Philadelphia’s sports teams have little interest in theater. That hypothesis was proven emphatically incorrect by local playwright Bruce Graham and his wildly successful play The Philly Fan . An 80-minute solo play about a rabid Philadelphia sports fan, Fan is filled with memories of great moments in local sports history. It’s also a poignant story about loyalty to family, friends and a city that has given its fans more than their share of heartache. Starring a brilliant Tom McCarthy (who also conceived the story), Fan was originally produced by Theatre Exile in 2004 and has gone to have approximately 14 productions, including an upcoming run at People’s Light & Theatre Company in Malvern Oct. 25-Nov. 20. Even if you don’t know Michael Vick from Chase Utley, if you’re from Philly you’ll be an instant fan of Graham’s rousing play.
Best Display of Eagles Pride in a Theatrical Performance
If you got a chance to see Heavy Metal Dance Fag , produced by Tribe of Fools at Philadelphia Live Arts Festival, you witnessed one of strongest productions there. Set in South Philly, the play deals with the traditional gender roles in a dance-fueled quest for acceptance and understanding. The heady subject matter is punctuated by light-hearted moments, including a tight-fitting, sequined, Kelly green dress whose draping sleeves were opened to reveal team’s Eagles logo to audience cheers. It seems difficult to find a stronger theatrical representation of football culture that runs through the city.
Tribe of Fools, tribeoffools.org
Ever think to yourself: Hey, I wonder where I can have a threesome and then promptly forget about it? Well, one of our writers thinks he's found that place. Want Mexican food that doesn't burn on the way out? Of course you do. More of these questions and answers have found their way into this year's Better Than Best issue. And what's better than best, you ask? We have no idea. We just knew we couldn't use Best Of, because another publication in this town has it on lockdown. But that doesn't mean we didn't put an enormous amount of effort into bringing you the most random hidden gems Philly has to offer. Because we did. And we think we've got a pretty good list going on here.
Geek Invasion 2013