Illustrations by Pushmepullyou Design
The African-American woman in the photo looks about 60, maybe 65. Her graying hair in a tidy bun, she wears a neat blue and white silk dress with a bow at the neckline. She tilts her head and gives a melancholy half-smile for the camera. Above her head are the words "I Never Asked. I Wish I Did."
Inside the brochure this sweet-looking lady tells her story. She'd been widowed. She began dating a longtime friend. They never discussed sexual history, and because of her age, birth control wasn't an issue.
Now she has HIV.
It seems strange, even freakish, but it's all too common.
HIV/AIDS is the No. 1 killer of black American women between 25 and 34. But the fastest growing segment of HIV incidence is among black women in their 50s and 60s.
Grandma has AIDS.
Women get together to discuss many different things. We talk about family, we talk about politics, we gossip endlessly. But when it comes to talking about HIV/AIDS and the simple things we can do to prevent it, our mouths are shut.
Philadelphia-specific HIV statistics are grave. Averages here are higher than the rest of the nation, especially among women. Philadelphia's response is appropriately targeted, with some of the best resources that a handful of clinicians, dedicated community outreach staff and concerned politicians have to offer.
But the issue remains unresolved because, despite all the effective treatment options, modern education models and testing programs, those at the highest risk of infection and transmission are still not talking to each other about their lifestyles and will not discuss HIV.
Rashidah Abdul-Khabeer refuses to get lost in a statistical forest. As the deputy director of the Circle of Care, part of the Family Planning Council and one of Philadelphia's major HIV/AIDS care facilities, she's been preaching about the importance of getting together to talk--simply and frankly--for years.
"I've given up on all the statistics," Abdul-Khabeer says. "If you want statistics, look in the paper. For me, its all about dialogue. The question is whether you have enough information to protect yourself and enough courage to implement what you know. And the answer is no, there's not enough information and there's not enough courage."
It's hard to believe there isn't enough information. Who doesn't know after all this time how HIV is spread? But there are women who still perceive HIV/AIDS as a gay male disease, or who are in denial about their boyfriend or husband cheating on them.
A Philadelphia woman, let's call her Emma, has one such story.
Emma had been married for four years. Her husband got sick with what turned out to be pneumonia during the winter months of 1999. One night, barely breathing, he was rushed to the emergency room and quarantined.
Hospital staff asked for a consultation with Emma. They told her that her husband had full-blown AIDS and that she and her three children needed to be tested.
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1. Brook Singletary said... on Nov 17, 2008 at 09:13AM
“Being someone who is committed to preventing, treating, and eradicting HIV/AIDS, I was excited to read this article. I must say I was extremely disappointed. To begin, it was an interesting aspect of the disease to write about but it was obvious the writer was not familiar with the disease. The statement, "Grandma has AIDS" is offensive and tackless. The stigma that still exists with the acronym AIDS is very real and reading this statement immediately gave the impression the author is not senstive to the real discrimination facing people living with AIDS. Her statment, I'm sure, was to breathe some type of light humor into an otherwise heavy topic. It was out of place and not appropriate. Secondly, the phrase, "full-blown AIDS" does not exist. No one on Earth has "full-blown AIDS". Someone is either CDC-defined as having AIDS or they are not. If they are suffering from an opportunistic infection because of a compromised immune system, they are still living with AIDS, not "full-blown AIDS". Again, this was another sign that the author is not familiar with the world of HIV/AIDS because, while this phrase is common is street-vernacular, it is not accepted or used in the medical field of HIV/AIDS. Therefore, if you are going to write a credible piece on HIV, please check your facts. Lastly, the statement of, "Philadelphia-specific HIV statistics are grave..." is interesting. I say this because, perhaps had the author looked at national statistics, or was familiar with HIV, it would be rather apparent to her that Philadelphia statistics may be grave, but not for the staggering numbers. In fact, they are staggering because they are so low. By this I mean the amount of people identified as living with HIV/AIDS in Philadelphia is so low that it is obvious that people in Philadelphia are not getting tested for the disease. This points to the grave fact that there is still overwhelming stigma regarding the disease and what it means to be HIV+. While I was excited to see a paper cover the disease, I was ultimately disappointed to see that it was yet another piece that was not researched and lacked sensitivity to the subject.”
2. Ouch! said... on Nov 14, 2008 at 07:45AM
“The number of Black men who have sex with other men is also alarming. What is more disturbing is the number who don't think it is "Gay Sex" because they also sleep with women. These same men are coming home to their wives and kids after doing there homeys... pretty much disgusting and an obvious factor of where it's spreading from.”
3. Anonymous said... on Nov 7, 2009 at 11:11AM
“Yes, enough black men are sexing other men to be a problem in this respect-but it's still the exception, not the norm. Most of the black men who get it got it from illegal drugs or a woman-please let's stop believing that a straight man can't get HIV if he's never been with a man. I'm a transplant from DC, the population that is most likely to be gay there (wealthy white men) is also less likely to have HIV than straight Black people, male or female. AIDS IS NOT A GAY DISEASE!”