Philadelphia Weekly

Fall Guide 2008 Feature: The Buck Stopped Here

How to Sate a Cindy Sherman Appetite on a Steve Keene Budget

There's an art gap for grups. You should no longer tack up posters (dudes, this includes rock posters in cheap frames) and yet you can't (yet?) afford glittery skulls or trendy photos of nude wan boys and girls bouncing on trampolines. How to nest while lacking thousands of dollar bills to swish around the room? There's always eBay for things like a 14" x 10" framed botanical print from 1893 ($14) and Etsy for archival matted prints of, for example, University of the Arts professor Mike Geno's sock- monkey oil paintings ($30). Other ways to think Dwell but act Readymade are Inliquid, the gallery at the Print Center and Art Star. InLiquid, Philly's artists' network, happens to be hosting their eighth annual silent benefit on Sept. 25. Good thing, since the online store currently carries little other than pillows with protruding plastic boobs (they promise to stock up soon). Art at the benefit will range from 10 to 12,000 clams, with lots of stuff for creative classers to acquire in the sweet spot between $150 to $400. Meanwhile, the gallery at the Print Center's a solid Center City stop and Liberty Walks' Art Star Gallery & Boutique is all up into wide-eyed, cartoonish children and pastel geometric animals (Jap-pop gothic?) favored by the younger set pillaging the sale racks at Urban O. The Print Center can frame for you or go where the artists go--Seven Arts--to not get grifted on the framing. Even cheaper, pay a professional to mat the art to the size of a standard frame then rummage up a good one off the rack at a big box. It's okay. We're all only halfway there. (Tara Murtha)

How to Become a Powerhouse Intellectual for Free

Don't trespass. It's illegal. And technically, sneaking into a giant lecture hall where no one takes attendance counts as trespassing. You'll get in a ton of trouble. That said, most professors of large survey classes (think English 101 or U.S. History After the Civil War) don't really know who's in the class, and half the kids don't show up anyway. So if you happened to illegally be in the classroom, sitting toward the back and pretending to look bored, you might learn something for free. Just don't submit any papers or the T.A.s will get suspicious. If you don't want to risk it (don't risk it!), keep an eye on the events calendars for one of Philly's 80 billion universities. Each year there are hundreds of free talks by everyone from Nobel laureates to rank-and-file researchers. Find a department you're interested in and keep track of who's coming to town. Added bonus--there are almost always free refreshments. (Alli Katz)

How to Display Your Newfound Intellect

The cheapest way to be well-read is to get a library card. But unless you frame your overdraft notices, how will people be able to tell how smart you are? The only answer: Buy lots of books. First, get yourself classy-looking leather-bounds. A first-edition Huck Finn requires shelling out a pretty penny, but British Queens Through the Ages and Introduction to Electricity are shockingly cheap. Library sales often offer books priced by the bag, though the selection may not satisfy your inner snob, so be a dedicated scavenger. Thrift stores are wonderful, particularly for three-year-old literary bestsellers, every book ever assigned to high school students, and the collected works of Stephen King and John Irving. But watch out--if you know a thrift store is frequently picked over by vintage T-shirt lovers, or that they mark up their hip clothing, pass it over--chances are quality books will be harder to find and a lot more expensive. Finally, stop at used bookstores to make sure you have copies of your favorites, and on the way out, dig through the free boxes for strange mildewed surprises. Broken bindings, pencil marks and folded pages just prove the books have been read--maybe even by you. (Alli Katz)

How to Eat and Drink for Free (Socializing Required)

PW marketing manager Lauren Reilly has been in the business for a while and has gotten into some fancy places gratis. She says it's easy to get into exclusive parties and receive free food, drinks and all kind of swag by getting on complimentary guest lists. Industry parties are happening all over the city and all you need to do is sign up on certain websites to get in. Sites like Philly2night.com, upcomingevents.com and phillygspot.com create databases with names of members and send out bulletins with all the hot events going on the city. Liquor companies host these parties to get industry professionals to come out and sample their stuff so they can push their products when they get back to their jobs. Reilly says the key thing is to network when you're out. "Usually industry people will hook up their friends so they can also get onto the lists," says Reilly. "Find out who's hosting the party and give them your business card." She suggests making friends with the bartender and dropping your card into comment boxes at restaurants. Restaurants have really good promotions. "Sometimes new restaurants give away gift certificates to get people to come back," she says. Many parties offer gift bags with goodies, but get there fast 'cause they go quick. Everything is first-come first-serve and space is limited. "It definitely helps to look nice," says Reilly. "If you're gonna get the most out of these events be social. That's the purpose." (Anastasia Kotsosavas)

How to Get Unconditional Love for Almost No Money At All

Animals. Fluffy. Cute. Bewhiskered. Pink-pawed. Until you squeeze out a child, animal companionship is the closest you'll get to starry-eyed admiration of the unconditional variety. (Fish don't count.) The cheapest way to get a pet, of course, is to adopt. Local animal shelters use Petfinder.com as a hub, and you can sort by age, breed, gender and health status, in your zip code. So if you want an elderly chicken that requires daily eyedrops from Erie, Pa., you can narrow your search. Craigslist's pet webpage is a good source of adoptable friends, though your screening process has to be rigorous. Like, why is this person all of a sudden getting rid of "Tawny!! The MOST ADORABLES PITBULL EVER!!!!" If you must go to a pet store, the cheapest pet you can buy--and own--is a fancy mouse, which will cost less than the bus ride there. If you get a white feeder mouse, it'll cost even less because, though they're exactly the same as fancy mice, they have red eyes and that frightens adults. The larger rodents get, the more expensive. Gerbils and hamsters are still quite cheap, but once you move into guinea pigs you'll be spending at least $20. In terms of supplies, Craiglist can't be beat for hand-me-downs. A three-tier hamster cage new will cost you upward of $40 at Petco, but only $10 from some guy in King of Prussia. Did his hamster die for your hamster's happiness? Hey, this isn't organ donation, okay? You're saving money. Get happy. (Liz Spikol)