Savage Love

By Dan Savage
Add Comment Add Comment | Comments: 0 | Posted Nov. 13, 2013

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Loathe as I am to contradict the Lesbians of Reddit—which sounds like the title of a ’50s lesbian pulp-fiction novel—I don’t think you’re an asshole, DYKES.

If you created fake personal ads, if you actively misled lesbians who contacted you, if you sent women pics that weren’t yours in an effort to trick them into believing that you were an actual lesbian, if you strung lesbians along via email for weeks or months—if you were doing any of that shit—then you would be an asshole. But spinning out a few masturbatory fantasies on a site designed to facilitate one-on-one conversations between people who are never going to meet? That’s not asshole behavior. You found a way to enjoy your wannabe-lesbian fantasies without doing harm to any actual flesh-and-vulva lesbians.

And yes, DYKES, most of the “lesbians” you chatted with on Omegle were other straight dudes.

 

Is drag done by cisgender straight men for “humor” problematic? I thought drag was mostly about humor. I am acquainted with a bi trans woman who thinks this is offensive, and at risk of further offending her, I haven’t asked why. Maybe you know? Haven’t we come a long way if straight men are comfortable enough with their sexualities to dress as women?

Not Feeling Offended

 

“Freedom means freedom for everyone,” as a huge asshole once said. That means straight guys who want to do drag are free to do drag, NFO, and bi trans women who want to take offense are free to take offense.

For the record: Good/funny/subversive drag is a burlesque on what it means to be male, not a denigration of what it means to be female. And while gay men seem to have an innate affinity for drag, there are straight guys out there who do it and do it right. Instead of arguing with a bi trans friend who wants to police the freedom and gender expression of others, get your hands on the DVDs of An Audience with Dame Edna and invite your bi trans friend over to watch.

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