But he’s the bigger jerk.
My reasoning: He took up with another woman during his wife’s absence, and he allowed this other woman to move into the home he shared with his wife. The other woman avoided conversations about the future because she was afraid of finding out that she didn’t have one; he avoided conversations about the future because he was afraid the other woman would pack up her pussy and leave if he told her she didn’t have one. And then he tossed the other woman out on her ass the very day his wife returned to the States, giving her very little time to make other living arrangements.
That makes him the bigger jerk, IMO. You both deserve new assholes—but he deserves a slightly bigger one.