Q: Hipster boys! Keep stretching your earlobes! I’m a hipster girl and stroking the silky texture of a nice stretched-out set of earlobes gets me insanely wet. And tongue-fucking a stretched piercing is enough to bring me most of the way to orgasm. If there are chicks with a kink for something, then surely there must be dudes who have a kink for it, too.
I stretched my own earlobes 20 years ago for mostly sexual reasons. I like the way it looks, but I did it primarily because I get off on having my ears fondled and licked. I figured that if someone licking the outside of my earlobe felt so good, imagine if someone could lick the inside of my earlobe! Now they can—and it’s bliss!
I’m not saying you have to change your mind, Dan, because YKIOBINMK—your kink is OK but it’s not my kink—but I was disappointed that you would come out so strongly against stretched-out earlobes. You’re always defending lesser kinks. Could it be that you were unaware of mine?
Yes, Ears Are Hot
A: I know enough about sex—and enough about kink—to know that if something exists, someone out there somewhere is perving on it. And if a particular something is made of human flesh and has a hole in the middle of it, someone out there somewhere is sticking fingers, tongues, dicks, or gerbils in it, making sex tapes while they do it, and then posting the video on the World Wide Interwebs for all to enjoy.
Somehow it didn’t occur to me that there were earlabia fetishists out there, so I appreciate—kindasorta—you taking the time to clue me in. While I may disapprove of silky, stretched-out sets of earlabia, YEAH, I will defend to the death your right to tongue them.
Q: You’re going to catch hell for your earlobe observation, but I have to add this: I worked with a young man who decided that gauging his earlobes to the max was a sexy thing to do. When the look got old, he took the plugs out. Because of the size of the plugs, the holes in his ears would not close. He had to have them surgically cut and stitched, which made his ears look somewhat deformed. The cost was $800, and it wasn’t covered by insurance.
A: You’ve filled me with despair for all the otherwise cute boys I see wandering around with stretched-out earlabia.
First Person Arts Podcast: Proud Mom