DEAR READERS: Last week was made of problems. The bombing of the Boston Marathon, the explosion that leveled a small town in Texas, the rising tide of antigay violence in France, the North Koreans being North Korean. And when I sat down to write this week’s column—while the manhunt was still under way for the second bomber in Boston—it occurred to me that the last thing the world needs right now is more problems. So instead of the usual sex problems, STI problems, CPOS problems and DTMFA problems, this week I’m only running letters from people who don’t really have problems. Because we could all use a break.
No problem here. I’m a straight 36-year-old guy. My wife has always been great about indulging my kinks—some femdom role play, lots of OTK spankings, rare D/s three-ways—so when she announced at age 34 that she had a kink of her own, I regarded it as my mission to make it happen. We just got back from a trip to see a safe and trustworthy friend in Los Angeles who “paid” me to have sex with my wife. (He put 20 $100 bills on the bar at the hotel, but it was money that I had given him.) My wife was so turned on, but she was also grateful. When it was over, she kept saying how much she loved me for being the person who made her paid-for-sex fantasy come true. People who stand in the way of their partner’s fantasies don’t realize what they’re depriving themselves of—so much love and gratitude!
Her Sub Pimp
Thanks for sharing, HSP!
I just started dating a guy who seems perfect in almost every way. (I’m a guy, too.) He’s cute, fun, charming, smart and successful. There’s only one thing that’s bugging me. He has a super-furry ass crack. Yes, I know some guys find a furry crack to be a big turn-on. I am not one of them. We’ve been on four dates and actually got fully naked only once, so it’s not like I feel so totally comfortable with him that I can just come out and say it.
Really Into Men Smooth
Your letter reminds me of a funny conversation I overheard at the gym:
Guy #1: “You should grow a goatee—it would feel great when you rim me.”
Guy #2: “I have a goatee when I rim you.”
Sounds like you have a beard when you rim your new boyfriend, RIMS, and I would advise you to get used to bearded rimming for the time being. You’re only four dates and one fully naked Big Gay Sex Romp into this new relationship, RIMS, which is too soon to start asking for body mods. But once you hit, oh, 20 dates and a dozen Big Gay Sex Romps, I think you could offer to give him a hand with those clippers.
Whenever this female college student studies, she gets incredibly horny! At peak times during the semester, when I am constantly reading or studying, I find it almost impossible to go more than a couple of hours without having to masturbate. I have an active sex life! Is there a physiological explanation for this?
Lady Hits The Books
Some people are turned on by completely random shit, LHTB, and no one quite knows why. Probably something to do with our big brains—I mean, just think of all those billions of nerve endings, all those synapses making connections, all those formative experiences that get all synapsed up and become adult erotic obsessions. Think of all that, and then count your lucky stars that studying turns you on. If there were a way to bottle and sell your kink, LHTB, no one would ever need to take Adderall again.
Savage Love: Sondheim is solace