And did you know that the first same-sex couple to legally wed in Canada wound up divorcing? And that the first same-sex couple to legally marry in the United States also wound up divorcing? No and no, TSBM, because evangelical Christians—those rabid opponents of marriage equality—haven’t made it an issue. And why haven’t they? Oh, probably because the divorce rate among conservative evangelical Christians is higher than the divorce rate among less batshit Christians, nonbelievers and Americans who live in Massachusetts. The haters don’t want to make divorce an issue because it makes them look bad, not us. As for your friends …
Some people love conflict and drama, and it’s for the best when two drama-seeking conflictophiles pair off and marry each other. It can be hard on friends and family at first, TSBM, but once you realize that a couple is a pair of perfectly matched conflictophiles—both parties are equally awful, neither is being abused, two innocent people were spared when these two fuckers found each other—you don’t have to pretend you give a flying fuck about their drama anymore.
So when asshole Adam goes, “Steve cheated on me!” You go, “He’s cheated on you before, Adam. And it’s only a matter of time before you cheat on him. Again. Now, how about Occupy Wall Street? About fucking time, huh?”
Letters to the Editor