Getting tired of Council Goblins introducing new taxes on God knows what else to balance the budget? Too bad, because we find it interesting.
Councilman Darrell Clarke has gone all tortoise race on us and plans to introduce a business’ gross receipts tax that would find itself attached to your cigars (3.6 cents per ounce), smokeless tobacco and pipe tobacco (36 cents per ounce). He said the plan will raise a whopping $6 million annually – which is exactly 4 percent of the budget hole.
Though the newest deadly sin tax wouldn’t do much to solve our problems, Clarke promises “An overwhelming majority of council members will support this measure,” which is more than anyone can say about any of the other tax hikes. The tired councilman admitted, “It’s at a point where we’re trying to find any measures we can find consensus on.”
Oh, desperation. You bring out the best in us.
Clarke said every drop in the pond helps and if this tortoise is going to get to that finish line, a series of 4 percent taxes on random consumer items – which are not bottled in the city, or affect the poor (besides dip) – may be the way to go, so, way to go!
So the tax would affect the poor, but not for very long. Once that “70 percent tax” brings each purchase into focus—Is this jug of syrupwater really necessary?—soda, one hopes, would return to its traditional role: an every-so-often treat.
"I like to buy things that are two-for-one,” says Councilman Brian O’Neill. “Well, this is the reverse of that! This is the one-for-two tax. You pay for two, and you get one.”
Starting yesterday, and then again next week, you can pay your back taxes and get screwed softer than you would normally.
Savage Love: Sondheim is solace