Men are men—whether they're transgender or otherwise

By Josh Kruger
Add Comment Add Comment | Comments: 52 | Posted May. 21, 2014

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Big dicks loom large in my mind as a gay man. Right? I mean, I’ve been taught since adolescence that because I’m gay, I must be into penises. If I weren’t all about the cock, well, that would mean I’d be a straight guy.

I’m not sure anymore whether that sounds like common sense, or whether it just sounds ridiculous.

Practically speaking, my whole life, I’ve exclusively formed relationships with, and had sex with, other guys born male who identified as men (also known as cisgender men, to use the technical lingo). Some people call this exclusively focused sexuality being a “gold star gay.” For me, it’s just who I am; it’s just what God created.

So you can imagine my chagrin when a really sexy guy recently got my figurative motor humming, and it turned out he was trans. We’re not talking about a crush here; we’re talking completely involuntary physical responses at the mere sight of this guy—good old-fashioned animalistic passion.

I was a bit confused. How could I, a gay man, be so attracted to someone not born male? Did it mean I’m—OMG—less gay than I thought?

It wasn’t the first time I’d found myself connecting with a trans guy. Years ago, on GrindR, one of the hottest guys I’ve ever had the pleasure of exchanging messages with was also trans. What a wonderful conversation we had, too: He was candid and willing to tolerate my unintentional-yet-probably-still-annoying ignorance about trans life, and I was keeping my mind open just enough to entertain the possibility of meeting.

When he thanked me for asking him questions rather than rejecting him out of hand, I felt—as Obi-Wan Kenobi would put it—a disturbance in the force. Here’s what bothered me: The fact that he went out of his way to thank me for not being a dickhead about his gender identity suggested pretty strongly that he often did encounter gay men being dickheads about his gender identity.

We never got together, but not because he was a trans man; it just came down to insurmountable scheduling conflicts. We were two dudes who couldn’t find the privacy necessary to be two dudes naked together. When you put it that way, it sounds pretty gay, right?

And yet gay social mores being what they are, this situation—being sexually aroused by a trans man—elicits from my friends at least bemusement or, occasionally, outright hostility. “I thought you loved sucking cock,” one of them said when I told him about my attraction.

This idea of forcing sexual expression to match social identity is a pervasive one. And I was, I realized, close to succumbing to it myself: Here I was, overanalyzing my arousal and giving myself an existential crisis, instead of just running with it.

I mean, obviously, by virtue of what I was feeling toward this guy both sexually and emotionally, it isn’t always the case that gayness simply equals being born male and liking other cisgender males. So why did I need to be confused about anything? What the hell does the gender identity of those I’m sexually or emotionally attracted to have to do with my own identity as a gay man? Well—a lot, actually, and that’s sort of the point. I’m gay and attracted to men. Trans men are men. Ergo, it’s not at all weird for me to be attracted to a trans man.

Sexual expression and gender identity, after all, are two very different things.

You’d think gay people would understand that. And yet, even among the gay community, ignorance about how that fact relates to trans people is remarkably widespread.

Dr. Jillian Weiss, a law professor at Ramapo College of New Jersey and a trans woman, talks about her own difficulties with gay men and acceptance. Writing for The Bilerico Project (, she indicates that when she started transitioning, she “received much negative feedback” from her gay friends. And indeed, the reason she was discussing the topic in the first place was as a response to an outright transphobic diatribe by an “old guard” gay activist on that same website.

When you start to look at sexual expression through the lens of love and attraction, you start to realize just how ridiculous this situation is. The quaintly simplistic identities society has bestowed upon us—identities like “gay” or “straight” or even “bisexual”—just plain don’t say all that needs to be said in order to describe the true range of people’s sexual behavior.

Over a decade ago, U.S. soldier Barry Winchell was beaten to death. Most media reports, as well as the gay activist establishment, canonized Winchell as the next Matthew Shepard. There was only one problem: Winchell was straight, and his lover was actually a trans woman named Calpernia Addams.

David France writes for The New York Times: “The fact is that Winchell, killed for being gay, wasn’t gay ... [he] only ever dated biological women before [and] was in love with” a trans woman.

Winchell himself was cisgender. And he was attracted to women. That’s who he dated. It was just that this woman was trans.

Lots of media commentators ignored Winchell’s apparent straightness, though, opting to force a male identity upon Addams and thus a gay identity upon the couple. That wasn’t exactly unintentional, either: Queer rights activists needed a narrative, and the nuance of this scenario wouldn’t serve the rubber-stamp talking points too well. As France puts it: “The more that Winchell was held up as a martyr for gay equality, the less room there [had] been for explaining such sloppy complications.” Winchell and Addams, he said, “occupied a rare middle ground encompassing both, and neither: socially heterosexual, sexually homosexual, uncomfortably on the margins of all worlds.”

The irony is that the media’s oversimplification of the case played upon precisely the same ignorance that had fueled Winchell’s homophobic killers—to whom the practical details of Winchell’s sexual expression and his lover’s gender identity mattered little. They were different. They weren’t doing things right. If a man loves a woman who used to be a man, those murderous assholes figured, he must be gay.

When you put it that way, it sounds ridiculous. Which forces me to ask myself: What’s the difference between that erroneous thinking and my own hand-wringing over my attraction to trans men?

There is no difference, actually. The reality is, I am operating from a place of social pressure, intentional or not, whenever I find my attraction to trans men “novel” or “curious.” All I’m doing is reinforcing the arbitrary idea of simple sexual identities—which, really, seem to do much more harm than good nowadays.

Inevitably, when you encounter something new, questions will arise. Some are rooted in a good-natured curiosity others, though, are just willfully ignorant. “How does it work?” a straight person will often feel entitled to ask a gay acquaintance, or a cisgender person will ask a transgender acquaintance, without having the sort of intimate relationship that would make that question relevant. I find it fascinating we feel OK asking these questions of queer folks when we’d never ask, say, our straight parents what they do in bed.

Really, at the end of the day, if your entire sexual expression is centered around one eight-inch detail (um, if you’re lucky), it is possible that you may just have an incredibly boring sex life. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I should limit my relationships—sexual or otherwise. We gay men, rightly, make many demands of society in terms of accepting our being different. It’s about time we demanded from ourselves this same level of acceptance: of trans men and trans women.

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Comments 1 - 52 of 52
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1. KRS said... on May 22, 2014 at 10:52PM

“"Transmen" have female bodies and a female who takes testosterone is not a male. You can have sex with whom you want but you're a bisexual if you desire to be intimate with both sexes. "Trans" is a facade and doesn't change a person's biological sex. Saying that a gay man must consider everybody who identifies as a "man" not goes against logical reasoning (unless you consider all humans to be bisexual, consider being gay a choice or think that people are attracted to "gender identities"). When we are sexually intimate with somebody their physical bodies matter not their "gender identity". Gender identity is the ultimate western individualism narcissism as it is not based in reality. You are bissexual not gay, I suggest you own it.

It is not about "one eight-inch detail", gay males desire to be intimate only with men (that is adult human males), unless you consider sexual orientation to revolve around a person's "gender identity" and not the reality of sexual dimorphism.”

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2. read said... on May 22, 2014 at 11:29PM

“Not all trans men have female bodies, KRS. Not ALL gay men HAVE to consider anything. Sweeping generalizations contribute to the ignorance. bigotry and hatred in and of the LGBT community. It's time we stand together.”

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3. KRS said... on May 23, 2014 at 12:46AM

“Gay = exclusively attracted to the same sex.

A "trans man" is biologically female, injecting testosterone and having surgeons take part of your skin tissue and graft it into a "penis" does not make you male bodied anymore than I can strap on wings and become a bird. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with gender dysphoria and thinking you're the opposite sex, so there is nothing to "stand together" about.

If you want sex and relationships with "transmen" as a man you're bisexual, good for you! Nobody is stopping you from having a consensual relationship. It's high time trans and "queers" aka bisexuals stop lecturing and pontificating to gays and lesbians that our sexual orientation is wrong and needs to be fixed reparative therapy 2.0 style.

I'm proud to be a gay man, proud to fuck society and only love other males. Trans seems to have a problem with people like me.”

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4. Anonymous said... on May 23, 2014 at 01:22AM

“KRS, would you have sex with a woman with a penis? would you refuse to have sex with a cis man who lost his penis in an accident or due to a medical condition?

because by reducing your sexuality down to a body part, you're basically suggesting that you aren't attracted to men, you're attracted to penis.

your desire for penis isn't part of your orientation, it's part of your type. I fully understand there are gay men for whom it's a dealbreaker for their boyfriend to lack a penis. that's fine. for some straight men, it's a dealbreaker for girls to have a flat chest. for some lesbians, it's a dealbreaker for a girl to have a penis. that's fine.

nobody has a problem with your sexuality except you. this isn't about your sexuality. this is about trying to erase trans men and insist they're women simply because they lack a penis. does that mean the cis man I mentioned before who lost his penis is now suddenly a woman?”

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5. KRS said... on May 23, 2014 at 03:28AM

“I'm attracted to biological men with a prostate, scrotum and penis and I'm not going to answer impossible hypertheticals over a woman who happens to have a penis. As for eunuchs, I wouldn't date one but they're still men biologically raised as boys and I don't think it would be mutually exclusive for a gay man to date/have sex with a man who lost his penis. No man however has a vagina and ovaries that's just fact.

If you're a bi man dating a "transman" good for you! But you're not gay sorry.”

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6. Anonymous said... on May 23, 2014 at 05:40AM

“So apparently it's not okay for people to determine their own genders but some asshole on the internet has the authority to? Good to know! This may come as a shock to you but biological terminology, like anything, is defined by subjective, human observations. I like how you only arguments are to use you rudimentary understanding of biology and put quote marks around everything.

If you want to be an asshole and tell people what they can and can't identify as, that's your prerogative, but trans men are still men and you're still an asshole. Sorry!”

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7. common sense said... on May 23, 2014 at 07:21AM

“Great posts KRS.

There is no such thing as trans. Period. These are people who are mentally ill and wrongly assume they can change their sex. You can't!! "transmen" are still women and "traswomen" are still men. "trans" people are quite bigoted in their attempt to force their psychosis on the world. They have no business lecturing lesbians and gays and trying to force themselves on us. Medical industry is largely to blame for this. They're only interested in making money.”

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8. Anonymous said... on May 23, 2014 at 09:47AM

“KRS & "common sense", you have nothing to worry about. With those backwards attitudes and way outdated ideas, there's not a snowball's chance in hell that a trans person, or any reasonably intelligent person is going to be interested in having sex with you.

Fantastic article, Josh.”

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9. AP said... on May 23, 2014 at 10:14AM

“Guess what "gentlemen"....humans and animals are not all born exclusively male or female. There are bodies that don't fully belong in either category. And those categories exist only in our minds and on paper. The idea of sexual orientation is a concept only formed in the last 100 years. Again, it exists in our minds and on "either / or" paper. There are civilizations out there that still do not recognize that a homosexual identity exists....yet recognize and support same-sex acts and relationships. The point of this article is to say that we need to stop freaking out when our attractions to other people stray at the boundaries of what society has created as sexual orientation identities and gender identities. KSR - this article is not telling you have to start sleeping with trans men. It's telling you you don't have to freak out if you someday find yourself aftracted to one. And if you do, no one should tell you you have to give up your self prescribed gay identity.”

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10. Anonymous said... on May 23, 2014 at 11:04AM

“Wow. What bias and hatred. Actually science has shown that trans women's brains are likely formed in the mother's uterus -- due to certain type of hormonal activity. And trans brains are, according to MRI studies, like female brains not male brains. As a recent article in the Wall Street Journal said, when reviewing the scientific research: " The issue isn't that sometimes people believe they are of a different gender than they actually are. Remarkably, instead, it's that sometimes people are born with bodies whose gender is different from what they actually are."”

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11. Anonymous said... on May 23, 2014 at 11:33AM

“Who are we kidding that the crotch is the only difference? It's also about the big wide hips, the severe mastectomy scars, the butchered female nipples, the very female way that fat is distributed on the body, the face that's so clearly that if a scruffy woman. I don't care how passable trans people wish they were, the rest of us are acutely aware that we're looking at a female into some pretty rad body mod / medical experimentation. I'd be happy to have sex with a penis-amputee, because I wouldn't be humoring some sexist poseur, and I would have a mental connection knowing that the guy is like me and knows that what we are was not purchased like a pack of gum.”

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12. Mike said... on May 23, 2014 at 11:42AM

“Wow, KRS must be a bottom, if all he cares about is the D.

I know several Trans-men that look more male than most men out there. Hell, until one of them told me last weekend, I had no idea. I am a gay male, I came out as one when I was 15 years old. I am now 40 years old, and still identify as a gay male. Yet, I would probably date the trans-man I met this last weekend, given the chance. And yes, that still makes me gay.”

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13. JTR said... on May 23, 2014 at 12:14PM

“Wow, the anonymous in comment #11 is woefully uninformed. First off, some trans people transition before going through the wrong puberty, in which case the absolute only difference is the genitalia. Everything else you mentioned are possible side effects of going through the wrong puberty before transition. Also, fat redistribution changes with hormones so unless you're thinking about pre/non-medical transition trans people, you're wrong. I think you're falling for what's known as the toupee fallacy. (That is, you only notice the people who don't pass, because you have no idea that the people who do pass are trans unless they tell you, and they're obviously not going to tell you if they know that this is how you will react).”

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14. JTR said... on May 23, 2014 at 12:15PM

“Trans people don't think that gender can be bought either. They just want their body to align with their gender. You accept that traditionally intersex people exist (if you don't, you're literally not worth arguing to because their existence is very easily demonstrated). That is, some people have parts of their sexual differentiation that don't match the other parts. If this is so, then why is it so hard to believe that the sexual differentiation of the brain can be at odds with that of the rest of the body? If there were no such thing as sexual differentiation of the brain, it wouldn't matter what gender that intersex people were assigned to, they would take to it. However, this isn't true, because like everyone else, they have an innate gender identity. Why is this any different in trans people? (Someday, being trans is going to be recognized as a type of intersex, because the brain is a body part too and not just some magical, Cartesian dualist entity.)”

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15. Anonymous said... on May 23, 2014 at 04:54PM

“How can "innate gender identity" be anything but a sexist and homophobic concept? Where does that leave me, a man who loves men? Does that mean I have a female gender identity? What about a woman who's assertive and athletic? Are those male things in any way other than as cultural constructs? Fuck your queer ideology and fuck your regressive eugenicist bullshit. Whatever type of brain I have is by definition a male brain, because I'm a male and it's my brain. Whatever way I behave is by definition manly behaviour, because I'm a man and I'm behaving than way. Who I am on the inside doesnt "match" shit. You queer people should really educate yourselves about the difference between sex and gender.”

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16. Anonymous said... on May 23, 2014 at 05:15PM

“Intersex people exist, and trans isn't intersex. Quit co-opting and appropriating intersex and quit co-opting and appropriating the gay and lesbian movement. If you don't like the straightjacket assigned to your sex, what is and isn't considered mannish or womannish, your enemy is sexism. Also known as the cultural invention of GENDER. Cut your hair as short as you like.”

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17. Anonymous said... on May 24, 2014 at 02:47PM

“@16 quit co-opting transgender people and telling us what our identities should mean or are, or what our sex is and basing that around genitalia or gonads or chromosomes. You LG's are the enemy, pure and simple, it can be no other way...You make yourselves the enemies of transgender people every time you participate in the societal coercion of our identities. You people are fucking privileged lunatics with no idea what being transgender or intersex is, QUIT CO-OPTING INTERSEX PEOPLE FOR YOUR TRANSPHOBIA you stupid fucking cisprivileged idiot.

Also @15 my existence isn't a "homophobic" what's queerphobic was all the beatings my dad gave me when I was three years old, claiming to be a little girl, until I was bleeding out of my nose and ears, and had to have fucking tubes put into my ears due to the infections that resulted. Hundreds of beatings well beyond anything that clueless delusional privileged dipshits like you can even fathom.”

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18. More please said... on May 25, 2014 at 01:16PM

“Josh, you haven't taken it far enough. Your next assignment is to get hard for a biological woman with breasts, body fat, vagina and everything else, as long as she identifies as male. After all, that's what matters!! Enough with the "really sexy guy" trope. What matters is a person's inner identity. Get with the program, and please, continue to educate your gay male peers about their sexuality.”

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19. Jack said... on May 26, 2014 at 03:50PM

“@17 when trans peoples' 'identities' require that gay people be coerced into heterosexual sex, you bet we'll make ourselves your enemy. telling gay guys they have to like pussy or else, what a lot you have in common with the religious right.”

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20. AltheaLost said... on May 29, 2014 at 02:46AM

“Lol, I love how a group of people who experienced massive oppression and hatred based on others not understanding (and not wanting to understand) their identity are now giving the same attitude to those who identify differently. Pot, meet kettle, kettle meet pot.”

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21. eliana said... on Aug 14, 2014 at 03:27PM

“Straight's spend more time holding the closet door open,then is really needed.If your gay then be gay.I'm worried! First Smarts closed . Then Olney,closed.then Sneekers closed,and other countless gay bars. Now Sister's closed.And Mel wants to make it a straight bar. Chucks was to be straight,but, the gay's would not let it go. So, in the end Chucks failed and we pray Mel's will fail too. It's just something about a closet.”

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22. Victoria said... on Oct 20, 2014 at 11:48PM

“@20 I was thinking the exact same thing. I am ASTONISHED that the gay and lesbian community, a community that suffers from constant heteronormative oppression, would do the EXACT same thing to the trans community. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Nobody is pushing an agenda or forcing anyone to sleep with anyone. Gender and sexuality have the possibility to be fluid and this article is trying to express that very possibility. Keep an open mind and stop attacking each other. Let's remember that transgender/gay/lesbian/queer and the like are fighting against society for acceptance and rights, so support and listen to each other. I want to throw up from reading some of these ignorant and cowardly comments. Stop trying to protect orientation and accept the fact that people are not always cookie-cutter.”

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23. Anonymous said... on Nov 1, 2014 at 09:31AM

“Trans fmdoes not mean gay.

Sorry queers. No amount of queering it up will make you homosexual.

Girls that want to pose as dudes using synthetically induced secondary sex characteristics are NOT males. I know crushing huh?

Go back to your doctors who are raping you financially all the while selling the lie that sex can be changed. It can't. HomoSEXual means something

Same sex.

Not I am trans I get what ever I want or think in my fantasy land.

We don't as gays and lesbians have to play make believe with you queers anymore. We are tires of your dress up and games.

We are not homogenderous we are homoSeXualand sex means something”

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24. zips said... on Nov 1, 2014 at 11:18AM

“Lesbians have been dealing with this problem for a long time, being told not wanting sex with 'lesbians who happen to have penises' makes them the evilest of 'cis-privileged transphobes'”

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25. zips said... on Nov 1, 2014 at 11:41AM

“(& I haven't seen hetero males getting abuse for not sleeping with 'transwomen' intact or not)”

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26. TiLi said... on Nov 2, 2014 at 03:34PM

“I have never met a gay man who has ever dated a transsexual woman. I feel like it would be rude to even try. A lot of gay men and lesbian women draw a pretty hard line between potential partners and non-partners. As pre-op I consider most of the guys who date me to be bisexual, or tranny chasers (which is a kind of bisexual male who is strictly attracted to preop or nonop trans women). I've met lots of closetted gay and bi men who are too scared to either pursue a relationship with another full man (and view me as a safe "inbetween") or can't admit that they are attracted to me in the same way they are attracted to biological women. Maybe dating will get easier postop, only time will tell.”

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27. Bailey Summers said... on Nov 2, 2014 at 07:09PM

“Well 23 was Justin Norwood a hugely transphobic person tat pushes his agenda in lockstep with GIW and the rest of the right wingers.”

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28. Anonymous said... on Nov 2, 2014 at 08:33PM

“Why are so many people exclusively attracted to their conception of men or women? Why are so many people so narrow-minded with their attractions?

A lot of people talk about Doctors 'exploiting' transfolk. Sounds like much the same fear and suspicion over unfounded vaccine-fears. What about all the countries here, in Europe, which offer Transcare as part of our sensible, socialised medical systems? There is no profit motive, so you can hardly make that argument against HRT, Mastectomy, GRS & FFS.

Dating is mainly hard for transfolk because, as TiLi says, peoples conceptions of us are strange. Even 'bisexual' people are (despite what they might *say* out of political correctness and generally being nice folk) very heavily invested in binary gender/sex conceptions. So if you are not clearly a man or a woman, exactly male or female in your morphology or following a *relatively* standard gender script, chances are Bi folk are unlikely to consider you a partner either.”

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29. Anonymous said... on Nov 4, 2014 at 05:09PM

“I, as a gay man, will never be guilt-tripped by this insidious "q*eer" narrative to consider a female human being as a romantic and sexual partner, no matter the calls of my being bigoted or what have. Gay has a meaning and it is about biological sex.

Your politics and homosexuality do not mix. Time to wake up, fellow lesbian and gay people and see the wolf in sheep's clothing creeping its way into what is left of this community.”

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30. Trew said... on Dec 4, 2014 at 03:21AM

“What the fuck. I'm seriously astounded by this ignorance. There is no "Bible" of sexuality ok. Labels were supposed to have been used as a way of understanding ourselves, not marginalizing other people. No need to police others thoughts and how they perceive things. Either you get it, or you don't get it. Fine. It's not your bag? ok. But you don't have to categorize it. That's a choice that is up to you. Everyone perceives things differently. You are what you are. Don't let anyone tell you any different. Whatever labels that you find helpful for understanding and defining yourself, go ahead use them. I am so sick over the fact that people, even in the gay community, would just viciously attack a group of people that they simply do not understand. Sounds familiar huh? Moral of the story? Don't get hung up too much on semantics. What works for you, works for you. That's it. Live much, share much, love much.


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31. Anonymous said... on Dec 4, 2014 at 09:11PM

“omg... how about we just agree it's complicated.”

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32. Anonymous said... on Dec 21, 2014 at 10:57AM

“Sounds like Josh simply mistook a female for a male, and got disoriented. Probably happens somewhere every day. Or, you're not as Gold Star Gay as you thought, and are actually bi with a male preference. Either explanation covers these incidents thoroughly.

I notice terms like "same-sex" always mysteriously disappear in these conversations, and we pretend that recent fashion trends are an unchanging absolute that have some bearing on reality. That seems dishonest, misleading. The parameters of "man/woman" are constantly changing, but biological sex is the constant.”

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33. Anonymous said... on Jan 1, 2015 at 02:11AM

“I am a man who considers himself straight.I am attracted to femininity exclusively weather it is displayed by a gender girl or a trans girl.I am not attracted to anyone who is masculine and that includes even the most flamboyant gay male.I have nothing against gay males,it's just not what I'm sexually attracted to.The claim that straight men are who like trans women are BI is wrong if the man strictly treats them as he would any other girl,by this I mean not being fucked by them or sucking their cock.If a man wants to be penetrated or suck any dick attached to anything,then yes he is BI or gay.I have been with trans women and none of them wanted that anyway,in fact they don't like their cocks,but have no choice but to stroke them for satisfaction sex,which does not bother me as I am secure in my sexuality and want them to feel good if it's the only way they can.”

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34. Anonymous said... on Jan 4, 2015 at 05:36PM

“Ya know something funny the fact that the biggest sexual organ in the body is the hmm lets see the brain not the vagina/penis. So if the brain matches the presentation of that persons gender and has sex with different gender then their brain and presentation that would make them straight would it not or insert same sex for gay or both for bi. If the brain is the biggest sexual organ then if the one matches the one downstairs then that would make them what their gender truly is. To say the opposite in this sense means that one who has the brain of say a female and body of a male but is going to transition and eventually has (yes today a man can have a vagina but not ovaries) then would that not make him truly a woman and if that person has sex with a cis male that would make them straight. Btw it is proven that the gender identity (what person feels they are) does not have anything to do with their sexual identity (who they attracted to). TG people are trying to be honest.”

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35. Jmonty said... on Jan 24, 2015 at 02:50PM

“Wow. A lot of ppl on here are speaking without experience. I'm a lesbian. I've 0 idea of what it must be like to feel trapped in the wrong body. But I wouldn't dream of being ignorant enough to assume that they've some psychosis and I wouldn't deny them of whi they want to be.

This chat just makes me really sad. If I was some young boy or girl, I might just kill myself reading this.


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36. Micah R said... on Feb 1, 2015 at 03:19AM

“As a transman,I find it discouraging to read some of these comments.What a perfect stranger finds to be unacceptable in my life, or nonexistent, or a perversity, is unimportant.My bf of 11yrs certainly seems to think I'm a man,and not only treats me wonderfully,but according to how I identify.It was not learned, but a natural thing on his part.I can only hope that for the sake of all trans people,that they find acceptance and peace.As to people I have never met bashing gender identity, it truly only bothers me in that there is so much judgement, labeling, dismissal; it makes it much more difficult for the transgender community to connect with a lot of other people.I am not ashamed to be trans, but it is those misconceptions that have made me fearful.Who doesn't hurt when rejected or judged? I wouldn't have asked for this.It isn't a choice or psychosis.My life is hard enough already.The only thing wrong with us is the societal stigma of cisgender being the only gender.”

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37. Micah R said... on Feb 1, 2015 at 03:36AM

“I ran out of comment space,so to briefly continue.Thank you,Josh,for being open-minded and thoughtful when writing this.I expect the issues you have encountered were tough to sort through.Thank you,as well,to all supporters of transgenderism.I expect that being cis or trans, having grown up learning gender identity as one thing, and then experiencing the actual spectrum can be disconcerting.For those that don't support or acknowledge transgenderism as real,I am sincerely sad that you've now narrowed your life experience based on perception,maybe fearfulness,not understanding.I do not wish my beliefs to be yours,I respect yours.Please kindly respect others' also.I would've loved to have been born a cis gay man.How lucky for you!But I can see the merit in being born in the wrong body. These hardships are always for a reason.I am pre-op nearly everything and have been called beautiful or handsome on a given day. How lucky for me! Isn't diversity what is special about being an individual?”

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38. Micah R said... on Feb 1, 2015 at 04:34AM

“Slightly puzzling is that one could argue that transgenderism is fighting against the perception of gender identity and by calling ourselves trans,we accept that the "cure" is surgery or hormones so that we can closer become the very thing that we say we don't need to be in order to gain acceptance.Yet who doesn't want to feel aligned,body and mind?I can tell you that my gender identity is not relevant to having a penis,for instance.I am a man. But damn,I really do want to have that penis.I wasn't raised to feel like a man inside,having been born female-bodied,and at 32,I still haven't told my parents for fear of hurting them.I have to remember that if by being myself, Iam hurting them,then we have all accepted Iam perverse, wrong.People need to walk in others' shoes,I think.This struggle is about strength, acceptance,courage,love. Same things cis gays struggle with and strive for.The start point may be different,but the path to what we all want is the same path,walked differently.”

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39. Sam said... on Mar 6, 2015 at 06:59PM

“I am appalled at the solid black lines that KRS is drawing around sexualities. He think ONLY in the term of Gay, Bi or Str8 and has conveniently (or out of ignorance) forgotten that sexuality is a CONTINUUM. You MUST understand what continuum means. It means there are MYRIADS of sexualities not just gay, bi or str8. I have met a few people who did not identify themselves with either. One guy was asexual, the other guy only loved sucking dicks and nothing else (this guys was not emotionally attracted to other men and had no desire to kiss or fuck other men or be fucked by them. He loved females and wanted to have a family.He was ONLY interested in sucking cocks. You can call him gay. You can't call him bi. He is not completely str8 either but 98%. He had his own sexuality). Gender orientation and Gender assignments are two facts of life we can't ignore. We also can't ignore there are only two body forms (male or female). Let's not be phobic about any of this. Be more accepting plz.”

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40. Daniel said... on Mar 21, 2015 at 07:22AM

So much hate and all for what? What does that achieve? We're supposed to be civilized; the most advanced state of social organization and yet here we are squabbling amongst ourselves. Being homosexual was once considered a mental disorder. Something that needed to be “fixed” and “dealt with” or eradicated lest it corrupt children and “turn” them into a “dirty” homosexual too. Perverse and wrong they said. Recall when homosexuals were being killed and beaten? In some places, they still are. One would think a group of people that earned the acceptance they have thus far by fighting for their right of pursuit of happiness and equality would understand anothers' plight.

First things first. For any one young or old reading this and walking the difficult path of finding yourself, there is nothing perverse with being transgender. Just like there is nothing perverse about being hetero/homo/intersex/any and all in between. I can completely and wholeheartedly understand why someone is >>>”

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41. Daniel said... on Mar 21, 2015 at 07:25AM

“is hetero or homosexual and what drives those specific sexual, mental, and emotional attractions.

There's also a strong urge to be true to one's self. Just like a homosexual person would not want to live a lie with someone of the opposite sex, a transgender person is doing just that; being true to themselves. It is not a myth, nor is it a psychosis. Transgender people are not about trying to “trojan horse” into the “boys only club” or the “girls only club”. It's for authenticity and being able to pursue their happiness. To bring meaning and peace into their lives.

How awful it must be for a gay man to have to live out the rest of his life with a wife, or a lesbian woman to have to live out the rest of her life with a husband, when the innate urge is to be with someone of the same sex. All a transgender person wishes is to have the same measure of liberty and freedom to be who they are and live a life that is true. One fallacy that I see surfacing a lot of the time is the line of >>”

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42. Daniel said... on Mar 21, 2015 at 07:27AM

“thought that a transgender person is trying to “become” something of the opposite sex. This is a myth. A transgender person isn't trying to become anything but exactly who they are. It's not a man trying to become a woman/a woman trying to become a man. It's a man/woman with a “birth defect” that is acquiring corrective surgery. They are already a man or a woman. They are trying to express that correctly so they don't live a lie.

If you're not into transgendered individuals, that's fine. They're just not your type. Just like a bear or a twink may not inherently be your type. No one is coercing you to have sexual relations with a transgendered person. Some homosexual people have had a much easier time coming out, but what say those of you that came out and it wasn't all rainbows and butterflies? How did you feel when those around you said you weren't gay or lesbian? How did that make you feel when they said “this is only a phase”. What about those of you that were humiliated and >>>”

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43. Daniel said... on Mar 21, 2015 at 07:28AM

“bullied in school for simply being who you are?

Regardless of the argument of homosexuality is choice, a state of mind, or genetic, the same could be said about transgender. “Why? Why do I have to be gay?” or “Why do I have to be lesbian?” Do these statement resonate with anyone reading this? Was there ever a time you yourself had to come to terms with being anything but straight? What ever happened to the rule of do onto others how you would like to be treated? Why does that apply to one group and not others?”

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44. Anonymous said... on Apr 6, 2015 at 03:47PM

“This is disgusting, NO they MIGHT think they are men, take hormones and chop their boobs off and pass as a male with cloth on but that doesn't make them REAL men. And you can't guilt or force US gay men to sleep with or be attracted to someone with a body part that's different from what we are attracted to, we are homosexuals not homogenders, the trans community is trying to invade gay/lesbian space and demand that we change what we like and who we like for them otherwise they scream transphobia,. OR claim we are only after dick!!! well, news flash we are gay and yes we like our partners to have a dick but if he was to lose it in an accident he is STILL a male and doesn't have a vagina. Self identification does not supersede objective reality. For us to be manipulated into feeling guilty for not wanting to have sex with females who claim to feel like males on the inside is ridiculous.”

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45. Anonymous said... on Apr 6, 2015 at 03:50PM

“Some transman on youtube made a video with her boyfriend claiming if you don't sleep with her then you must be shallow and only into dick cause she quotes ( is all man) LOL, she might pass as one with her cloth on but she is NOT a man and since being homosexual is about same sex attraction I don't give a shit how you feel inside, it's irrelevant and trying to force yourself on gay men demanding that they accept you as a gay man isn't only delusional but it's disrespectful to who we are as gay men. trying to change or redefine who gay men should be attracted to is not gonna work. We know who we like and don't like. Transmen or not they don't belong in the GLB regardless of any claims some lunatics may say to defend those wannabes on hormones.”

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46. Mister Ghosty said... on Apr 8, 2015 at 02:49AM

“Hot DAMN these transphobic gay cis guys need to shut the fuck up. I don't care what some idiot sjw preteen told you on youtube, us trans guys don't want to fuck your bigotted asses. Nobody is telling you to fuck a pussy, stop being so damn paranoid, and stop fucking misgendering people you steaming pile of shit. Do you want to be called a girl because you like guys?? NO! Do we want to be called girls because we look like them?? NO! We are all MEN, REAL MEN, as real as any happily oblivious cis straight macho jock. Does that mean we have to be attracted to eachother? Of course not. I'm certainly not attracted to all this damn transphobic brain diarrhea. You like cock? I'm totally cool with that! Go fuck someone with a cock! I like pussy! But you know what I like more than pussy? Women. I'm engaged to a trans woman with a cock. Cause I don't give a shit what's in the pants of the person I fall in love with. Maybe you do! But just because you require a cock doesn't mean you should BE one.”

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47. Cyrion said... on Apr 27, 2015 at 11:13AM

“I think it's very interesting to read these transphobic comments by these gay (cis)men. Apparently, these (cis)men feel attacked by the idea of transmen. What are these gay (cis)men so very afraid of??

It's interesting psychological fact that minorities feel the need to discriminate against other minorities. In this case: gay (cis)men discriminating against gay (trans)men. Psychologists say very interesting things about thise mechanism... (It's about hierarchy: if you're part of a minority and you kick another minority beneath you, you're one little step higher on the social ladder. So you can feel just a little bit less outcast.)

For me, I am just very glad I don't live in the USA. Of course, we have transphobic people as well in Europe. But it seems to be quite less common here than it is over there!”

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48. Anonymous said... on Jul 5, 2015 at 11:03PM

“I'm a trans guy who has been with my cis gay guy partner for almost twenty years. He loves me for the man I am, regardless of my genitals. But, in any event, I will add that whether he was taking eight inches of silicone (pre phalloplasty) or eight inches of flesh (afterwards), we have always had a great time together. Policing the boundaries of gender and sexuality is the ultimate tool of those who hate ALL of us who make up the non-cis-and-het alphabet soup. The author, like my partner, understands. Perhaps someday more gays and lesbians will, too.”

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49. Rod Fleming said... on Jul 15, 2015 at 02:32PM

“'KRS' is just exposing the nasty black underbelly of gay cis-men's attitudes to trans people. It's nothing new. The upsurge in transgender identities and expressions has surprised them and they don't know how to deal with it, poor wee things.

There are much bigger battles that trans people and their supporters have to fight than exchanging a few catcalls. Focus people; the mainstream gays, now that they have Marriage Equality, are into their end-game, when they assimilate fully into the patriarchy.

This is when they will turn against trans people; they've already begun, by trying -- successfully in some cases -- to hive off trans legal protections from LGB ones (although they hate the Bs as well) and sell trans people down the river. The trans community needs to organise to gain the legal protections it needs. The gays have no intention of helping.”

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50. Trans = Gay Conversion Therapy said... on Oct 13, 2015 at 05:59PM

“Research has shown that children who think they are the opposite sex grow up to be lesbians and gay men at least 80% of the time.

Forcing those children to transition to the opposite sex means that they are undergoing a new kind of gay conversion therapy.

This story could easily be a young lesbian who transitioned to being a heterosexual -- it's common. (All the queer-speak and trans propaganda is not going to make this male-female pairing anything other than heterosexual sex.) Not only is she now hetero, but so is the dude who was formerly gay.

Think about that, gay men and lesbians. Think beyond the propaganda to what this means for our community, all our hard work, and who we are as people. Wiped out by yet more conversions brought about by hets.”

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51. Anonymous said... on Oct 25, 2015 at 08:52AM

“Intra-group violence, be it physical or psychical, is often worse that inter-group violence. The old guard of the movement will punish the non-conformist to protect the power that proceeds from his/her/zir authority to define the boundaries of what demarcates "us" and "them." The Women's Movement, The Civil Rights Movement, Bolshevism, Communism, Gay Rights, all "progressive," liberal movements eventually become reactionary and hidebound as their progenitors become old and entrenched. I love watching these tolerant and inclusive movements eject non-conformists...”

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52. Anonymous said... on Nov 3, 2015 at 01:00PM

“I would love to see the response of an FTM if you suggested they date another FTM. They get to have all sorts of qualifications, but if we don't want to fuck someone with a vagina, they we're the ones who are bigoted. This is UTTER LUNACY, folks. It's the same scenario as my going up to a straight man, hitting on him, having him tell me, I'm sorry, though I think you're attractive, I'm not sexually attracted to you, and me then screaming back in his face, HOMOPHOBE. Has everyone lost their damn minds? I'm gay. I can think an FTM is good looking, maybe even be attracted to their face and/or upper body. But nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to change the basic wiring of my brain to get me to desire to fuck a vagina. Everyone on here talks about the wiring on a transperson's brain. What I don't see is the same consideration being made for anyone else. It's bullshit. The trans gestapo wants everything for themselves with no regard for anyone else.”


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