Philadelphia Weekly

When a soft-hearted nurse playing matchmaker thought to get Bobby Wolter and Brian McTear in touch with one another, nobody could have predicted the small gesture would spark such a deep, quirkily modern friendship—or that it would ultimately lead Wolter to his life’s work.


Both Wolter, 28, and McTear, 36, have cystic fibrosis (CF), a genetic disease that primarily compromises the lungs, digestive tract and pancreas. 


“I ask patients on occasion for permission to give their phone numbers out,” says Marianne Ferrin, a nurse and coordinator of the Adult Cystic Fibrosis Program at Penn Presyterian Medical Center in West Philly, where both Wolter and McTear have been going for years. “With Brian and Bobby, I knew that they were both musicians, and I kind of knew that they both liked the same kind of music, and they both have CF,” she says, figuring they’d have a lot to talk about.


She was right. Now, five years after Wolter, who drums with the Weeds and REDFORD, sent his first blind email to McTear, local producer, co-owner of Miner Street Studios and musician (Bitter Bitter Weeks and the Novenas), they’ve published all their letters at brianand
bobbyspeak.com. Because they’ve never met in person—if they met, or “co-mingled” in clinical terms, they could literally kill one another—the website is basically a complete transcript of their friendship. 


“There’s almost no other circumstances where two people can have a complete transcript of everything they’ve ever said to each other,” says McTear. “Anything I’ve ever said to Bobby is in email form.”


Wolter hopes the blog inspires kids and young adults who may feel like they’re struggling with illness alone. 


“Every day, everybody has a choice. They can get up and get depressed … or turn it into something great,” he says. “That’s kind of my mission in life now, to turn this—which a lot of people would look at and might say that’s horrible or might feel sorry for me—but to me, it’s just my journey, my experience. And that’s a lot of what Brian and I have talked about. It’s our own experience, what we’re going through. And as shitty as it might be sometimes, it’s really a great thing.” 


Some studies call adulthood with CF “uncharted waters,” both physically and psychologically. In 1940, the median survival age of CF patients was less than 1 year old. But technology has extended the life expectancy of CF patients so rapidly that the expected life span now includes adulthood. Today, the oldest patient in Presbyterian’s program is 67. 


Not only has technology significantly extended the lives people with CF, it’s enabled friendships between patients who can’t meet face to face. 


“It’s funny because you think you can’t have a relationship just through email with someone,” says Wolter. “But it really has turned into—[McTear’s] honestly one of the people I care about most in this world even though I’ve never met him. Our relationship means so much to me, and it’s brought so much to my life. I can talk to him about anything.” 


“I pick up so much care and concern in the tone of his emails and it’s really nice,” echoes McTear from across town. “And he knows that I really care for him too. So I think the real surprising elements are what really led us to put this together into something like the blog.” 


Ferrin says it’s easy for people with CF to feel isolated.


“Most kids have had it since they were diagnosed when they were little, so they’ve always had this cloud over their head,” she says. “Like how long am I going to live? What am I going to be able to do with my life? Should I bother to go to college?” 


In those terms, McTear and Wolter are not just sailing uncharted waters, they’re sort of renegades for choosing to live out their musical dreams despite the illness. McTear recalls a period of time in his life when people encouraged him to choose a less haphazard career, to play it safe because of his illness. “I remember at the time being like, ‘Bullshit!’” 


Early on, Wolter and McTear discovered they had more in common than being Philly musicians with CF, like tons of mutual friends, swimming as kids and digging heady books that explore paranormal and metaphysical subjects. Early e-letters brim with invitations to each others’ shows.


“In the beginning, it’s funny, because we both danced around the whole should we get together or not , and he was constantly inviting me over to the studio,” says Wolter. “But in more recent emails, I’m like, ‘Listen, I am not going to come near you. If I gave this to you, I would never forgive myself, and you don’t want it.’” 


The “it” Wolter’s referring to is a bacterial infection, or “bug” in CF lingo, that he carries called B. capacia. It effects about 3 percent of people with CF, who are predisposed to catching specific bugs in their lungs. The bugs are resistant to antibiotics and once a person with CF has one, says Ferrin, they have it for life. (Bugs can’t be passed on to people without CF.) Hanging out would endanger them both.


“It’s something I was never aware of until I started becoming friends with Bobby,” says McTear. “They [people at the hospital] all started telling us, ‘You guys shouldn’t meet.’ It’s pretty crazy.”


They almost met accidentally once, just a few months ago, when they both arrived at the clinic the same day, at the same time.