Philadelphia Weekly

To read the original column, go here.

Hey everybody: Here are the questions I couldn't answer, followed by the advice offered--lots and lots of it--from readers who could. (Dan Savage)

I'm a guy into she-male porn, and I've noticed that almost all the models in said porn have very tight scrotums. Like they're cold. So I'm wondering, what's the deal? Is it just the hormones? Or do they employ some kind of preshoot scrotal-tightening technique? A bit of both, perhaps?

Never Understood Tranny Scrotums

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"In male-to-female transsexuals, hormone-replacement therapy will, over the long term, cause the shrinkage of the owner's testicles. Over the course of many years, they will continue to shrink--often to about a quarter of their original size. Because the testicles have shrunk, the skin of the scrotum will tighten over time to hold their newly miniaturized companions."

"Come on now, Dan, shrunken testes on she-males? How do you suppose they get the titties, and lose their beards and body hair? It's called estrogen, and of course it shrinks up the ball sacs."

"I love she-male porn too, mostly their tits and cocksucking. Hormones make the nuts atrophy so the scrotum shrinks up. That's why in the old pre-Viagra days, the she-males always had limp dicks."

There's this new pastor at the church I visit. She's gorgeous, an athlete and can read ancient Greek. I've managed to get her to lunch twice, despite her schedule, and I spelled out my interest explicitly. She seemed receptive, posited that dating someone in her new congregation could possibly cause issues, but may go hiking with me this weekend. So what's the protocol for dating a smokin'-hot priestess?

Not Very Good Xian

"In reply to Not Very Good Xian, depending on the exact denomination, there may be serious repercussions against the minister if she dates someone in her congregation. We're not talking a written reprimand. We're talking suspension of her ability to be a minister. So if he's that interested, the first step he should be taking is to find another congregation."

"I'm assuming the smokin'-hot priestess isn't a nun and hasn't taken a vow of celibacy. In that case, she's a normal woman, and should be treated just like any other normal woman. The 'priestess' may have to tread carefully, like everyone in public professions does--counselors, lawyers, doctors, etc.--but it doesn't mean she can't date, fool around and eventually get married. And it doesn't sound like NVGX has been brushed off quite yet, which you suggested in your column, Dan. I'm also a single minister. If I want to brush someone off, we sit down for coffee in the church library. Hiking is a completely different story."

"While I have limited experience regarding most topics in your column, which I read as a form of sex education for grownups, I'm a church organist and can speak to NVGX. Once he or she has had a pastoral relationship with a priest or minister, he is off-limits to her, however hot either of them may be. Here in the Episcopal Diocese of Washington, D.C., all church employees are required to attend two one-day seminars about avoiding suspicion of sexual abuse of children and adults and spotting sexual misconduct among others. Candidates for ordained ministry are put through rigorous psychological screening before they're even allowed to start seminary. Candidates are also informally advised to get into marriage or a long-term relationship, in the case of gays or lesbians, before they finish seminary. If they don't find suitable mates, they must look outside the parish or even outside the denomination. I also wondered if some of NVGX's problems might be incompatible sexual orientation. My experience has been that women priests tend to skew somewhat higher for lesbians. Hope this helps."

"I'm a woman clergyperson and my husband pointed out to me your 'clueless' column about the guy who wants to date his minister. (Being a minister, I never read sex columns.) There actually is a protocol for ministers who want to date. Clergy can't date people in their own congregation--it could get you both defrocked and fired. So if that guy really wants to ask his minister out, he needs to leave that congregation. He should stop attending his current church, find a new one he likes and officially transfer his membership (send a real snail-mail letter to both congregations to make it official). If he just stops attending the current church without joining a new one, it may look fishy to his minister's ecclesiastical superiors, so he really does need to at least go through the motions of attending worship somewhere else. What with all the clergy abuse scandals, church leaders are worried about lawsuits and can be uptight about this sort of thing. Once he's officially a member of a new congregation (give it a few months), he can ask her out and find out if 'let's go hiking' actually means 'I think you're hot too, but don't want to lose my job and my vocation' or 'I have to be nice to you because that's what I get paid the big bucks for, but I'm making sure to keep 3 feet away from you at all times from now on.'"

I'm a gay man who's been in a relationship with my partner for nine years. My lover has always planned on undergoing a sex change, from male to female. There were money and health problems, but he's ready now. I've always told him I love him, no matter what. Now he's gotten his breast implants and I have to admit I'm completely weirded out by them. I feel like a hypocrite, but I don't know what to do. I've never been with a woman, and I don't want to be with one now. I also love my partner intensely. Any advice? I feel like a jerk. Support him for nine years and then peace out because of boobs?

Hating Myself and His Breasts

"If you are simply 'weirded out by' your partner's new breasts, and you did not previously believe that sex reassignment would affect your feelings, it may simply be that you need time to adjust. However, if the feelings of being 'weirded out' persist or get worse, you need to break it off nicely. Your boyfriend is no longer your boyfriend, but your girlfriend, and no matter how much you love her personality and companionship, it may simply be that you're gay and attracted only to males. If so, you didn't do anything wrong, just made a mistaken guess as to your ability to remain attracted to her after she began working on her sex reassignment. Just keep in mind that she didn't do anything wrong either. No matter how much you love her, it wouldn't be fair to either of you to remain in a relationship in which there was no sexual attraction. Also keep in mind that continuing to refer to her as your 'boyfriend' and 'he' may very well drive her away regardless of your feelings and ability to cope, since this probably isn't what she wishes to be seen as now that she's working toward her goals."