Parachute

By Chris Parker
Add Comment Add Comment | Comments: 34 | Posted Jan. 5, 2010

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Poor Parachute—they don’t just listen to lousy music, they make it every night. Fresh from college, they set out to create the most tepid, uninspiring dreck imaginable (and were quickly signed). Their 2009 debut Losing Sleep doesn’t sound like the product of human beings, but one of SkyNet’s early Pro Tools-abetted attempts to exterminate mankind by first softening our heads. This is soul-pop utterly lacking any, like Hamburger Helper minus the hamburger. There’s more signs of life in an autoclave. It sounds like Maroon 5 evacuated through Jon McLaughlin’s lower intestine. It’d be easier to just shit directly into your ear.

Mon., Jan. 11, 7:30pm. $16-$23. With SafetySuit, + Cheap Seats. World Cafe Live, 3025 Walnut St. 215.222.1400. worldcafelive.com

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COMMENTS

Comments 1 - 34 of 34
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1. Anonymous said... on Jan 7, 2010 at 08:40PM

“speaking of assholes”

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2. Diggy said... on Jan 8, 2010 at 09:39AM

“I love it! Way to do what so few people do, be real. Like the comercial for that indian nickel. The one clad in pure 39MG of .9999 Gold. That, is worth about $0.01. It is the end of the commercial where the guy says, "order now to avoid disappointment and future regret". This has nothing to do with music, but I love Obama because he says "The buck stops here" and I love PW because they tell it like it is.”

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3. Krunch said... on Jan 12, 2010 at 08:34AM

“Thank you, Chris. I am so tired of papers and Mags talkng up every two bit band just to get people to the two bit bar they're playing at. Frankly, I rather shit in my ear.”

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4. AZ said... on Jan 13, 2010 at 11:07AM

“I've never listened to these guys, but you are really rough on them, and every other "week's worst" now i realize that the point of this little column is to do that but jesus man. It’d be easier to just shit directly into your ear.

^^Speaking of assholes is right”

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5. Morgan said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 01:30PM

“Actually, I have bought several of their songs off of iTunes and I think they are awesome. The have good songs, good vocals, and talent. To each his own, but frankly, I beg to differ!”

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6. Anonymous said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 01:31PM

“well it seems that none of you have listened to Parachute before and if you have maybe you just don't listen to that genre. I listen to Parachute and I love them! Now if I was a fan of Nine Inch Nails (RIP) and then put in a Parachute CD, I would maybe write an article like this but if you don't appreciate the genre then how can you appreciate the music in it?! i understand that this is the job of Mr. Parker, but seriously! To be this big of a dick to a band in a genre you would never listen to is like complaining about not hearing anything after you have taken a shit in your ear. GET A REAL JOB DUDE!”

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7. David Radcliffe said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 01:33PM

“Have you listened to them? They are actually pretty good.”

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8. CS said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 01:35PM

“This review is both rude and offensive. Parachute is a great band that I've had the privilege of seeing in concert a few times. Their music is catchy and so infectious, and if you can't hear that, then you might be deaf. I love Parachute and I expect big things for them in the future!”

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9. Anonymous said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 01:50PM

“Wow. If you actually listened to the album, you might understand what real music is all about. I know that people are all excited that you're being 'honest' but what you're being is 'honestly ignorant.' The power of music and lyrics and production is different for each genre, and when it comes to pop/soul, Parachute is not tepid nor are they uninspiring. As a fan of full-throttle hard rock, I rarely venture into the crazy land of pop, but when I heard Parachute, I took a joyful step over to the other side. Even when it comes to rock music, I rarely buy a full album—I bought the ENTIRE Losing Sleep album and it plays almost non-stop on my iPod. They implement styles and techniques into their songs that a lot of cookie-cutter popaholics don't do. Their stage presence and live show are what makes the live music scene worthwhile, and the fact that this is their 1st headlining tour & most shows are SOLD OUT is proof that they aren't "hamburgerless."”

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10. Hannah said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 02:18PM

“are you kidding?

Parachute creates music that catch people's attention. Their lyrics are from the band's hearts and they mean something. I advise you to go listen to every single song of theirs without any distractions, and maybe then you'll come to your senses.
Go bag on the other people who call themselves musicians, when actually they muble their hardest to fit 100 words in 10 seconds, bang pans against eachother, and scream their loudest into a microphone.(those people's actual purpose is to get strep throat..)

enough said”

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11. Maddi said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 02:39PM

“You must not know what good music sounds like..”

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12. anonymous said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 02:42PM

“wtf. Parachute is a great band not like the shit that Miley Cyrus comes up with that has lyrics a 5 year old could write. Parachute's lyrics are actually original and meaningful”

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13. Anonymous said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 02:43PM

“i bet you listen to stuff like creed and daughtry (no offence to them). urgggg. i wuna punch this guy.”

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14. Anonymous said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 03:21PM

“Wow is all I can say. It takes all kinds of music for all kinds of people in this world. no one will like everything out there but you don't have to be cruel about it. these guys work hard and are down to earth, even with a record deal. I wish I had the guts to do what they do. I know this is your job but there are limits and lines you shouldn't cross. That's just my opinion though.”

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15. Anonymous said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 03:27PM

“he must be deaf.”

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16. Anonymous said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 03:51PM

“I'd like to shit directly down this guy's throat.”

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17. Vicky Rados said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 03:53PM

“Of course you don't like this kind of music...wich Parachute does perfectly end in a very good way! I wish I was speaking on my mother toungue, as I'm not, I can really explain why they are so awsome! I really Love them and their songs, I think it's very pleasent to hear them, and I think that shit is you columm! Yes, I agrre with the other comment, you are being honestly ignorant by posting it!! Parachute has already brazilian fans, and I'm sure in a not long period of time, they'll be know worldwide! LOVE PARACHUTEE!”

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18. Georgia said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 04:06PM

“Chris, I disagree with you. I discovered Parachute’s music last month and I can’t stop listening to them. I love Parachute!”

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19. Anonymous said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 04:16PM

“this is amazing. fave line: "It sounds like Maroon 5 evacuated through Jon McLaughlin’s lower intestine."
And since I love Jon McLaughlin and I don't particularly mind Maroon 5, it's not an offensive comment. C:

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20. Anonymous said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 04:45PM

“I agree with the16th comment: this guy is ridiculous, parachute is an amazing band!!!”

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21. Nicole said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 05:51PM

“Wow...harsh much? Sure, brutal honesty is something to be admired, but this goes beyond that. Music is different for each person; the sounds they enjoy, the way lyrics speak to them, etc. If you can't be clear of bias when writing an article, maybe you should think about taking up a new profession.”

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22. Nicole said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 05:51PM

“Wow...harsh much? Sure, brutal honesty is something to be admired, but this goes beyond that. Music is different for each person; the sounds they enjoy, the way lyrics speak to them, etc. If you can't be clear of bias when writing an article, maybe you should think about taking up a new profession.”

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23. Becca said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 07:23PM

“To the author of this article, I believe you already have shit stuck in your ear so you can't really hear Parachute. Parachute's music is amazing and anyone with any decent taste in music could see that! I have seen them in concert 5 times now and truly love them! Also I've gotten to meet the guys after their performances and they are some of the nicest guys you could ever meet. So if you want to bash a crappy band, with a badly written review go find a band that is actually crappy and leave Parachute reviews to people who know what music is! Parachute and their music rocks, I will love them forever!”

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24. Anonymous said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 07:42PM

“hey parachute is actually a great band, have you ever listened to one of there songs before? hey chris maybe you just suck at writing, go back to school”

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25. Anonymous said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 07:42PM

“hey parachute is actually a great band, have you ever listened to one of there songs before? hey chris maybe you just suck at writing, go back to school”

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26. Anonymous said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 08:01PM

“Personally, i think they're great. There music is good. It's rock music mister! DO YOU KNOW WHAT ROCK MUSIC IS? I think you do, I think you've been listening to a little bit too much of Soulja Boy. Aaahaha.”

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27. Hannah L said... on Jan 15, 2010 at 09:47PM

“Are you kidding me? Dude, if you hated them so much you wouldn't even bother to waste your time writing an article about how much they suck. Go drink a cup of cheer and get a real job, because you bashing on people isn't worth anyone's time reading. I happen to be a HUGE fan of the band and I think that their music is relatable and really catchy. It comes straight from personal experience and the heart. I wouldn't even be suprised if you never listened to them. Go pop the CD and give them a chance before your so quick to judge and send out harsh words. For real dude, unclog the wax out of your ears and take some time to listen. You probably just did this review for attention, but really it just showed the support of Parachute fans and how many people actually like them.”

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28. Chris's Reasoning said... on Jan 16, 2010 at 12:40PM

“Jealousy is a common disease. Get well soon Chris Parker!

I know that you're only bagging on them because they are sexy, talented, nice guys and have a great career making great music while your stuck with your lame ass review job.

Maybe someday you'll move out of your mom's house, get a real job, stop listening to Justin Bieber, and meet a girl with REALLY low standards and won't feel the need to try and rip on a band that can't be ripped on. PARACHUTE IS GOOD AND EVERYONE WITH EARS KNOWS IT! You'd probably realize that if you got the shit out of your ears.”

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29. Alyssa said... on Jan 19, 2010 at 11:51AM

“tottaly 100% agree with #28's response!”

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30. Anonymous said... on Jan 19, 2010 at 06:35PM

“i LOVE parachute, and Will has an amazing voice. but obviously people are far more interested in songs involving drinking and drugs, in their little rapper screetchy voices. i am 15 years old, and i can honestly say i have never liked any of those autotuned crap they call music. i really hope there are more people in this world who appreciate ACAUL music. thanks parachute (:”

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31. Anonymous said... on Apr 1, 2010 at 03:53PM

“at least your hatred is consistent. I never even listened to PARACHUTE but now I will just off the pure love and dedication shown on this site to the band..I'm all for great music! So really dude you only garnered more fans for the band! And all the posts here have far exceeded your "journalism"”

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32. Anonymous said... on May 18, 2011 at 10:07PM

“A decent, useful music review would never be so harsh. Sure you can attract readers with your pretty similes but what the heck do you know about music? Tone it down a notch.”

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33. Jasmine Serrata said... on Jun 8, 2011 at 06:48AM

“What! Um.. Worst? I'm Sorry but Parachute is FAR from worst. This isn't a decent review. This is someones dim opinion and for some reason they hate Parachute. And I think everyone else can agree with me XD”

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34. Anonymous said... on May 5, 2013 at 09:56AM

“At least we know what you listen to, it's trash like you. :)”

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