Your Favorite Band Sucks

By Brian McManus
Add Comment Add Comment | Comments: 6 | Posted Feb. 4, 2009

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Here you talk about Thom Yorke's offset eyes and the way he dances. Throw in a few fan-unfriendly quotes (easily found via Google), and voila.

 

Coldplay

Coldday (in Hell): Why it will be a cold day in hell before I listen to Coldplay on earth.

(Also acceptable--"Coldgay: You know how I know you're gay?" From The 40 Year Old Virgin)

 

Mars Volta

Mars Low Bars: How style usurped substance and turned legions of hipster d-bags into the butt of an inside joke between two guys with afros.

(Note: The crux of any Mars Volta-is-the-worst argument should start and end with "it's not music.")

 

Van Morrison

(I Won't) Get in the Van: Mixing the title of Henry Rollins' Grammy-winning tour diary and the name of Van Morrison, the world's most snooze-inducing Irishman who doesn't even have the decency to be an entertaining drunk.

 

Tom Jones

Jones' Insufferable Moans: Why Welshman who sing R&B are more sad than a tub full of drowned puppies.

 

Elton John

Smeltin' Elton: Why the world's foremost Donald Duck impersonator needs to make like the earth and fade away.

 

Buddy Holly

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COMMENTS

Comments 1 - 6 of 6
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1. Terry Moran said... on Feb 3, 2009 at 06:58PM

“The unheralded, and forever uncompromising artist here is Billy Joel. He knew when to walk away at the top of his game. He had the balls to just say "Fuck it. I don't want to play this stupid game anymore. Take this job and shove it." But, of course, no one will give him credit for that, just as no one will give him credit for anything.”

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2. JethroCorleone said... on Feb 6, 2009 at 07:46AM

“What the hell are you talking about? He didn't walk away! He is still doing shows. I used to think he was awesome just because he used to nail Christie Brinkley. Now, he is just sad. He is no longer artistically relevant, and he no longer nails Christie Brinkley. On second thought, he is more than just sad. Now, he is just depressing.”

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3. tommyg said... on Feb 9, 2009 at 03:37AM

“Could someone please tell me - is the FYE store on Broad st closing down? I heard that the band American Speedway (who is playing there Fri Feb 13th around 4:30) is going to have a free show with free t-shirts and merch to "celebrate" this event. Is this true? tommyg ”

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4. Terry Moran said... on Feb 9, 2009 at 07:41AM

“Jethro - I was talking about the continual stream of mediocre new recordings that so many 'classic' artists keep putting out basically to make money for the record companies. They are no more "artistically relevant" than Joel - who left that part of the music biz a long time ago. ”

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5. Jethro said... on Feb 10, 2009 at 06:20PM

“Terry--I was talking about nailing Christie Brinkley! That was his greatest accomplishment. Think about it. He was SO ugly that his kids with HER even turned out UG-LEE. ;)”

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6. Terry Moran said... on Feb 20, 2009 at 03:29PM

“Jethro - I hope you have the balls to say that about Billy Joel's kid to his face. And I'd love to be there when he decks you.”

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