Last week Ron Rosenbaum wrote a 1,700-word article for Slate explaining Billy Joel is so awful. Before that, J.T. Ramsay wrote an article at Comcast.net, "It's Time to Fire the Boss," explaining why we should get rid of Bruce Springsteen. Rob Harvilla of the Village Voice found himself in the crosshairs of thousands of Neil Young fans after he suggested Young's new album be avoided. Elsewhere, we at PW started running a column about six weeks ago, "Week's Worst," wherein we shit all over what we deem the week's worst show. (Great title!)
All these pieces have one thing in common: They drive traffic. Really, they're huge hits! They make fans of the artists livid, you see. And those fans tell other fans, who might even post it on a message board where it'll be discussed and clicked and clicked again.
And so the cycle goes. Fires are fueled and pageviews go up. Death threats are emailed (hello, fans of Badfish!).
You know this already, of course. Why tell you again? Simple. I want to help.
Say you write for a blog or are interested in breaking into music writing (bad time, but whatever). What do you do? My advice would be to stop writing about the bands that inspire you, and start writing about the ones you dislike intensely. Hell, you don't even have to mean it. Fake can be just as good, as Blonde Redhead said (P.S., they suck). The numbers don't know the difference. Below you'll find the names of several acts that have large and devoted fan bases. I've started you with a potential headline, subhead and (in some places) an angel suggestion.
Once you've written one, gotten it published and become the focus of the intense ire of thousands of dickhurt fans, send me a thank you to the email above. I'll get to it as soon as I delete all these death threats from Badfish fans.
Forever Dumb: Why Neil Young should have quit when he still was ...
Free Willie: Why the red-headed stranger should stop making music now that a) he's gray and b) we know him.
Get Off Their D. I. and Go C. My K.: Unplug them or take out their batteries, I don't care. Just don't make me listen to AC/DC's four standard chords again.
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