If you’ve any doubt that musical success is predicated more on who you know than demonstrable talent, you’ve not listened to Kid Rock protégé Uncle Kracker. You’ll hear better voices at a truckstop karaoke bar, which is probably where he got the idea to cover Dobie Gray’s classic “Drift Away.” Living in Detroit doesn’t qualify you for Motown, and his attempts at R&B are so wretched that William Hung’s embarrassed for him. No Stranger to Shame for good reason. Kenny Chesney pimped his sorry ass on “When the Sun Goes Down,” throwing him a life preserver even as his career took on water like Bounty paper towels. His recent Train-biting piano-rock come-on “Smile” strings together more clichés than your typical meathead athlete. Of course records spin, bees buzz, gold shines, dancing fools dance, and like a vacuum, Uncle Kracker naturally sucks.
Tonight, 8pm. $15-$17. With Rehab. Crocodile Rock Cafe. 520 W. Hamilton St., Allentown. 610.434.4600. crocodilerockcafe.com
This is music for the kind of sheeple that consider Sizzler haute cuisine.
PW's Music Issue 2014