Philadelphia Weekly

Misconduct Tavern

1511 Locust St. 215.732.5797. www.misconduct-tavern.com

Cuisine: Assorted.
Prices: $5-$9.50.
Hours: 11:30am-2am.
Sound advice: Comfortable.
Atmosphere: Lively.
Service: Friendly, but not so helpful.
Food: If you don't know, ask.

�

Sometimes you just need a burger. Fortunately there are plenty of places in Center City to score a fix for that jones when it inevitably hits, but none of them compares to the meaty, moist and delicious patties at Misconduct.

Their version is simply divine. Possibly the best in the city. It tastes like it's made of ground tenderloin. After first bite I knew I'd be back for it two, maybe three times a week. Heart be damned. This burger is $5? It's too good to be true.

Then the bill came, and it turned out it was too good to be true. On it, the burger--advertised on a chalkboard outside as $5--was $8.50.

The waiter's explanation: "You need to order the lunch burger to get it for $5."

That I was dining at 1 p.m. didn't matter. The burger was tops, and because of this my desire to argue faded faster than it probably should have. Still, I couldn't help feeling had by the best burger bargain that almost was.

Named after the original owner's boat of the same name, Misconduct closed for about 10 months after his passing, but reopened in March. Heavy on all things nautical, it's got back-lit pictures of old-timey sea vessels, a dark wood bar and tables, and rustic brick walls. The ceiling is fitted with tiny patches of the sort of material sails are made of, and the place has a distinctive yacht club vibe without all the exclusion associated with those stuffy joints.

A couple days after shaking off the burger bait-and-switch, I'm back at Misconduct for dinner. Talk to anyone who's been to Misconduct, and they'll have a suggestion on something you simply must try.

Like the French onion soup. There's a 3-inch cheese ceiling to break through before getting to the savory broth. It's a bit too much for my taste, but the bowl is satisfying nonetheless.

After that is a grilled skirt steak sandwich. Served on a toasted baguette with a heady combo of boursin and white cheddar, it's hearty, delicious and makes you want to slap any vegetarians you know.

Lucky for them, the veggie grinder is a sturdy argument that violence isn't necessary. Crammed to the point of being overstuffed with grilled zucchini, eggplant, peppers and tomato on ciabatta, it's great. Smidges of tart and sweet balsamic reduction add to its flavor profile.

Onion rings arrive at the table. They're problematic--all stuck together in a big clump. Two of them manage to break free from the pack. They're thick, hand-cut hunks of onion--crispy and delicious. All the others, when broken apart, are an underdone, greasy, gooey mess. They're Misconduct's first misfire.

The hummus plate is its second. Served with crudite, feta and flat bread, there's an unsettling acidic non-lemon tang that lingers after a dollop of the stuff is swallowed. This hummus has started to go bad.

Thank God for the basil lemonade to help wash away the unpleasantness. It's truly magnificent, the perfect summer drink. Crisp, tart, cold. One problem: It's $10.

No doubt the making of this drink is labor intensive. You've got tons of lemons to squeeze, pounds of basil to crush. Uh, water to pour. But $10? Having felt taken for the second time in two trips, I ask the question everyone at the table needs answered: "Ten fucking dollars?"

"They're $5 on Wednesdays," we're told. Would've been nice to know.