On Location

FOOD

Happy Tears Edition.

By Adam Erace

Add Comment | Comments: 0 | Posted Jun. 4, 2008

With movies like Happy Tears, Marley & Me and the poop-your-pants-awesome Transformers 2 turning Philly streets into mini Hollywood sets, we're hosting a gaggle of celebrities this summer. Will there finally be use for velvet ropes in those Rittenhouse places?

Should the desire to stalk arise (Ed. note: discouraged), aspiring paparazzi will do well to check restaurants with the word "Continental" in the name. I don't know how or why, but our contingent of visiting A-listers--people with resources to eat as well as possible--seem caught in the Death Starr's tractor beam.

To me, this is like going to New York and eating at the Times Square Sbarro. That's no path to glory, unless of course you're getting shit-faced on Buzz Aldrins--or Blue Moons, Luke Wilson--and tumbling off the Mid-Town roof deck.

Welcome to On Location: Happy Tears edition.

I love Rouge as much as the next desperate scenester, but seriously, Demi Moore and Parker Posey, could you be more obvious? Sitting by the window--or on the sidewalk!--puts you directly in the line of paparazzi and Hugs for Puppies protesters. Sure, Rouge flips one helluva burger, but equally super sliders live just down the block at Barclay Prime. Their kobe sliders are chubby little dreams, like found on so many a casting couch. Bonus: You can rock the overpriced wine list!

Chick-lit queen Jennifer Weiner (aka "Art Gallery Patron" in Happy Tears) should hook you up with insider's info on where to eat in her native Queen Village. Ansill, For Pete's Sake and Las Bugambilias spring to mind. Aren't you filming in our 'hood, down at the East Passyunk Ack-a-me? Nice! Refuel with gingered orangeade and bagel panini stuffed with bananas and Nutella at B2.

Nearby, Cantina is ideal for a nacho nosh and pitcher of prickly pear margaritas--none for you, Bruce. For shame. Not only is it dark as a depressed vampire's bedroom, but the scrappy crowd's antiestablishment rule book forbids them from asking celebs for autographs.

Marinate in local culture at Marra's for $6.50 manhattans and pizza fired in an 81-year-old brick oven. With your poker-straight mane of black glossy shampoo-commercial hair, Demi, you'll blend in with the native South Philly cougars. Call the calamari "gal-a-mahd" and you're set.

Win our charred hearts by taking in a ballgame at Citizens Bank Park. Wear Phillies hats. Don't sit in a suite. Do boo/cheer Ryan Howard, depending. Ashton and the girls will love it! Trust me. And Parker, if you and the rest of the Happy Tears crew want to thank me personally, I'll be at the Red Sox game on June 16. Ring my agent and we'll talk.