Michael Bay has once again outdone himself and somehow made a movie thats bigger, louder, longer, stupider and even more offensive than his godforsaken 2007 Transformers. I cant imagine a more dispiriting, dehumanizing cinematic experience than this relentless fusillade of aggressive, incoherent images, macho posturing and schoolyard-bully humor. But then again, I tend to say the same thing every time I see a Michael Bay picture.
I wont bore you by attempting a plot synopsis, as the characters objectives and requirements of the story change from scene to scene.
Folks stand around shouting pages and pages of exposition at one another while Bays camera swirls vertiginously and cuts to disjunctive angles all over the place. Everyones attempting to explain at great length how some robots can come back from the dead, others may magically teleport and one is even able to transform not into an automobilebut into a slutty college chick.
Im fascinated by how close Bays id is to the surface in the appalling films he directs, and what a deeply unpleasant and angry man he seems to be. There is no sense of joy or whimsy in these Transformers moviesdistressing because they are intended for childrennothing but pulverizing fetishization of roid-raged, militaristic, white alpha-male privilege.
All the women are spray-tanned skanks dressed like strippers, straddling props with their mouths hanging open suggestively, and every minority is a grotesque, ineffectual cartoon. Its the kind of movie in which an early set-piece is devoted to sumptuously savoring the destruction of a library.
Perhaps youve already heard rumblings in the press about two new characters that a colleague brilliantly called Amos N Androidcomic-relief robots modeled on monkeys who speak ghetto jive-talk, throw gang-signs and flash gold teeth. Oh, it gets betterbecause Bays big punch line is that they cant read!
Even better is when President Obama gets dragged into the action. Hes ridiculed by name for attempting to engage in diplomacy with these gigantic killer robots. Luckily, our heroes know betterso when a bespectacled, articulate representative of the new administration attempts to argue for some transparency and accountability, the good guys promptly throw him out of a plane and go save the world with their unilateral invasion of a Middle Eastern country. (I wish I were making this up.)
Theres also a robot with enormous wrecking balls dangling from his crotch, serving as literally destructive testicles.
And as of last weekend, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen had already earned $201 million at the box office. You asked for this, America. F