FRIDAY, MAY 10

Art | Art’s Sake: A Philly Street Art Pop-Up Shop

Philly seems to be full of beautiful art in all the wrong places. We swear we’ve seen the most stunning portraits painted under bridges and on walls. The Streets Dept. (don’t get it twisted - they’re not the ones that collect trash) will be hosting this showcase of the greatest treasures off the streets. | 6 pm. Free. Tattooed Mom, 530 South St. facebook.com

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Music | Bring Me the Horizon

Chelsea Smile maybe, definitely, totally was our MySpace song. They may be nothing like the scene kids they once were, but they’re still rocking it out. It’s pretty sad younger generations will never know the effect Oli Sykes’ swoopy hair had on our weak emo hearts, but they can still cry to his music all the same.  | 7:45 pm. $40. The Met, Philly, 858 N. Broad St. livenation.com

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Music | Turnover

Is BMTH not emo enough for you? Well, here you go. They haven’t released any new music since 2017, but touring and playing sweaty shows is a crucial part of who they are. Take your pick of who’s music makes you simultaneously cry and mosh more. | 8 pm. $25. Theatre of the Living Arts, 334 South St. livenation.com

Party | Post-Apocalyptic Halloween

We know you’re thinking this might be a mistake - c’mon, Philly Weekly, it’s the middle of fucking May. No, this jawn is going down. Come dressed in whatever you consider to be post-apocalyptic. There will be fire and go-go dancers- fitting, since they’ll probably be greeting us when we all go to hell after the world ends. | 9 pm. $5. Mad Rex Restaurant & Virtual Reality Lounge, 1000 Frankford Ave.  eventbrite.com

Party | Altslut69

If we could go by one name the rest of our lives, “Altslut” wouldn’t be so bad. This is a party “inspired by “ill fitting Dollskill outfits, cancellation culture and the word ‘jawn.’” Super drag celebrity Areola Grande will be entertaining the masses. | 9 pm. Prices vary. Vox Populi, 319 N. 11th St. facebook.com

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Music | Semi-Annual Tubular Throwdown

Gnarly, brah. When we hear “tubular,” we just think of dudes with surfboards. Luckily, Tubular is much cooler - it's a tuba cover band. Now we bet you wish you hung out with the band geeks.  | 7 pm. $10. Franky Bradley’s, 1320 Chancellor St. facebook.com

Food & Drink | Cheese & Craft Chocolate Pairing

Fuck a summer body- you know you'd rather indulge. This seems like a classy excuse to shove your face with two of the greatest food vices. The beach can wait, but this event can’t. | 6:30 pm. $38. Shane Confectionery, 110 Market St. shanecandies.com

Party | Pretty Girls Like Trap

You read that right. You don't have to be pretty, you just gotta know how to distract with your booty. Twerk it out and drop it low at this trap party night. | 10 pm. $5. The Dolphin Tavern, 1539 S. Broad St. facebook.com

SATURDAY, MAY 11

Party | The Cure vs. The Smashing Pumpkins Dance Party

A battle of whos music is more depressing. Just kidding - there’s no battle here, just back-to-back melancholy bangers that get you moving. There’s never been a better time to cry in the club. | 10 pm. $7. Ruba Club, 416 Green St. eventbrite.com

Arts & Crafts | Spring Art Star Craft Bazaar

All these annual craft fairs are a great chance to directly support your local artists. They’re also the perfect excuse to load up on some pretty shit to brighten your spaces. Artists often work without pay or recognition, so give them some of both and support this fair. | 11 am. Free. Great Plaza, 101 N. Columbus Blvd. facebook.com

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Music | Parkway Drive & Killswitch Engage

We can’t trust you if you’ve never heard of these bands. Both are metalcore pioneers who have probably never played a show without a violent mosh pit. Combined, this is definitely a musical force not to be reckoned with. | 6:30 pm. $37.50. Franklin Music Hall, 421 N. 7th St. ticketmaster.com

Art | Trapped in the 90s

We all wish we actually were. Bring back the music, TV and tacky fashion at this night dedicated to the decade. Local artists will be showcasing their works that capture the beauty of all our favorite things from these glory days. | 5 pm. Prices vary. Philly Art Collective, 253 N. 3rd St. eventbrite.com

Party | Socks and Jocks

This is an underwear and socks fetish party hosted by Ruffhouse NYC and WOOF Philly. Woah, down, boy! Look, we know you’re probably really excited for this one, but please, don’t drool all over us. You’ll probably be in downward dog position by the end of the night - unless you’re more of a top. | 9 pm. $5-$10. The Bike Stop, 204 S. Quince St. facebook.com

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Music | Griz

He’s a DJ and he’s here to make it clear. His name is Grant Richard but he goes by Griz because he’s clever like that. Let’s see if his beats | 8 pm. $43. The Met Philly, 858 N. Broad St. tickethow.com

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Music | Southside Johnny & the Asbury Jukes

No need to go to the Shore because it’s coming straight to us. These guys have been playing venues all over Jersey for years and have become pretty famous outside of the state. They represent Jersey pretty damn well for having come from the most touristy part of it. At least it’s not the part that smells like shit. | 8 pm. $29. SugarHouse Casino, 1001 N. Delaware Ave. facebook.com

Party | Mothers Appreciation Celebration

Not every mom wants to go out for brunch. This celebration offers mimosas, wine glass painting and manicures during the day. At night, mom can get wild at the buffet and let herself go on the dance floor. This is for the moms who work really damn hard and deserve the whole day off - which is pretty basically every mom out there. | 11 am. Free. Newports and News, 1905 Federal St. newportsandnews.com

SUNDAY, MAY 12

Music | Jazz in the Park

It’s the first one of many this season. Laurin Talese is the inaugural guest of honor for this year. If you don’t make it, don’t forget to check out who’s coming next month. | 4 pm. Free. Spruce Street Harbor Park, 301 S. Christopher Columbus Blvd. facebook.com

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Music | Nitzer Ebb

These guys have been playing killer industrial rock since the 80s. They haven’t released anything in about nine years, so lots of longtime fans will probably be drawn to this show. Young or old, anyone’s welcome to rock with them. | 8 pm. $25. Theatre of the Living Arts, 334 South St. livenation.com

Art | Dream Philly Festival

Dreamline, a charitable organization for children’s education, is throwing its first festival. Thousands of banners created by young students that illustrate their dreams will be lined up along Cherry Street Pier. We’re not always wholesome, but giving hope and opportunities to younger generations to succeed is always cool, right? | 1 pm. Free. Cherry Street Pier, 121 N. Christopher Columbus Blvd. eventbrite.com

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Music | Ben Platt

Theater kids will probably lose their shit over this. Platt is an most known for appearing in Broadway musicals like “Dear Evan Hansen.” He released his debut solo album in March. No actor from L.A. could ever have just one job, can they? | 7:30 pm. $35. The Met Philly, 858 N. Broad St. livenation.com

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Food & Drink | Mother’s Day Bubbly & Jazz Brunch

The least you could do for mom is pop a bottle for her. We don’t think any mother would turn down an invite to a Sunday morning of smooth sipping to jazz. | 10 am. Prices vary. AcadiaPhilly, 824 S. 8th St. acadiaphilly.com

Learn | Littlest Streets: Fitler Square

Philly is full of so much charm - partially owed to all the crazy ass people, and partially to its historic neighborhoods with narrow streets and alleyways. Learn the deep history of this cute little neighborhoods. These streets are more than the overpriced houses on them. | 2 pm. $15. Fitler Square, 23rd and Pine St. facebook.com

Learn | Tea Leaf Reading Workshop

Immerse yourself in the practice of “tasseomancy.” You’ll be able to look into a cup of tea and read what it has to say about our future. No, you’re not tripping - it’s a real thing, and why wouldn’t you want to learn it? | 3 pm. $25. Old City Coffee, 221 Church St. oldcitycoffee.com

Food & Drink | Mother’s Day Brunch: Manis with Mom

The perfect day of pampering for the woman who used to change your Pampers. Free manicures and flowers for the most beautiful lady in your life. We won’t even feel bad about saying that if you don’t want to take mom to this, you’re a terrible child. | 11 am. Prices vary. City Tap House, 3925 Walnut St. facebook.com

MONDAY, MAY 13

Food & Drink | Edible Philly Local Heroes Dinner

Edible Philly’s local business owner awardees will be celebrated at this night that’s obviously all about food. We can’t even begin to explain the dishes served as beautifully as they have. Just go and honor these trailblazers in Philly’s food scene. | 6 pm. $75. Fiore Fine Foods, 757 S. Front St. eventbrite.com

Interests | Philadelphia Job Fair

We all complain about having to go to work, but damn, having a job is a blessing. If you’re looking for one, you probably won’t want to miss this event where opportunities are quite literally handed to you. | 11 am. Free. Courtyard by Marriott, 4100 Presidential Blvd. eventbrite.com

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Discussion | Bees, Brews and Brotherly Love

An expert entomologist is here to talk about some real shit about bees while we drink. It’s not like us common folk would understand much of it anyway if we were sober. Regardless, this is an interesting event to be buzzed. | 6 pm. Prices vary. National Mechanics, 22 S. 3rd St. facebook.com

Comedy | Comedy Conversation

Political satire is a huge part of the comedy we consume these days. We know quite a few people who get all their news from comedians like Stephen Colbert or John Oliver. This is a discussion on how much political humor is influencing us with David Litt, Obama’s senior speechwriter. | 8 pm. $28. Plays & Players Theatre, 1714 Delancey St. 1812productions.org

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Music | I Don’t Know How But They Found Me

Run for it Marty! This duo’s in town from Salt Lake City to bless us with their magic. They don’t have much music released, but they stunned the world with their 2018 single “Choke.” | 7:30 pm. $20. Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St. facebook.com

Art | Sammy Cat Meowmorial Art Show

A night dedicated to cat art. Way better than looking at cat memes. Simply an amazing way to support local art and get a dopamine boost. | 7 pm. Prices vary. The Black Cat Tavern, 2654 S. 12th St. facebook.com

Wellness | Queer & Trans Power Yoga

Yoga is the perfect way to separate from all of life’s bullshit and focus on yourself. This class is especially helpful for connecting to your inner self. You should always be who you are and express yourself however the fuck you want. | 7:45 pm. $10. Grace & Glory Yoga, 2220 Frankford Ave. graceandgloryyoga.com

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Music | Fever 333

Screamo-emo-pop/rockish music. Their first show was played in a U-Haul truck in a parking lot of Randy’s Donuts in California. Pretty fucking punk.| 9 pm. $16.66. Theatre of the Living Arts, 334 South St. livenation.com

TUESDAY, MAY 14

Learn | Protect the Culture: A Legal Workshop for Creatives

You don’t want a Drake & Josh “Real Big Shrimp” situation on your hands. If you’re an artist, educate yourself on intellectual property laws so you don’t get screwed over. You have to run your shit like a professional business. | 6 pm. Prices vary. CultureWorks, 1315 Walnut St. ticketleap.com

Music | Basement

They’re totally a band that would play in some musty Philly basement. These English guys have a great sound that’s the perfect balance of alternative and emo.  | 7:30 pm. $20. Theatre of the Living Arts, 334 South St. livenation.com

Food & Drink | Tour de France Wine Tasting

A wine master will guide you through the best wines that he has gathered from France to bring to the U.S. We love these kinds of events that take you to another country without the long ass flight. Philly truly is a world class city. | 6:30 pm. $55. Jet Wine Bar, 1525 South St. ticketleap.com

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Music | Art d’Ecco

This sounds like it would be an art exhibit, but it’s a person. D’Ecco just wrote an album in a cottage in the Gulf Islands of the Pacific Northwest. You can only imagine that shit’s deep and mystical like the setting it was created in. | 9 pm. $10. Everybody Hits, 529 W. Girard Ave. facebook.com

Discussion | MuraLAB: Staying in Place

Neighborhoods in Philly are being infected with high-end apartment buildings and are constantly being affected by gentrification. This discussion focuses specifically on Chinatown and how to preserve its cultural identity through all these forced changes. Cheers to Mural Arts for actually beautifying neighborhoods without destroying them.  | 6 pm. Prices vary. Asian Arts Initiative, 1219 Vine St. ticketleap.com

Discussion | Destigmatizing Immigration: Resilience in a Flawed System

We always fear the unknown, and that’s unfortunately the bullshit excuse behind lots of immigration policies. Immigrants are hardly treated given credit for their contributions to  | 6 pm. Free. Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts, 128 N. Broad St. everyaction.com

Food & Drink | Mummers Mixology Cocktail Class

You can’t miss a lesson in drinks from people who really know how to party. This class is taught by a Mummer in full Fancy Brigade dress. Capture their crazy ass spirit with some strong ass drinks. | 6 pm. $40. Art in the Age, 116 N. 3rd St. artintheage.com

Film | GiddyUP! Cycling Film Tour

Ride along as you view these films about the adventures of bike riding. We’re sure this is way more exciting than riding through Philly. Experience real adrenaline rushes triggered by a good story, rather than by a car almost hitting you. | 7:30 pm. $15. Landmark Ritz at the Bourse, 400 Ranstead St. landmarktheatres.com

WEDNESDAY, MAY 15

Fundraiser | Philly Loves PAWS Day

PAWS deserves all the respect for giving better lives to animals in Philly. This day is dedicated to a citywide fundraiser for the organization at a bunch of shops and restaurants. Proceeds will be put towards making Philly an entirely no-kill city. | 7 am. Prices vary. Locations vary. phillylovespaws.org

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Music | NITE

Canadian twins serving up some dreamy, 80s inspired electro-pop beats. This is the most chill way we can think of spending our Wednesday night. | 8 pm. $10. Silk City, 435 Spring Garden St. eventbrite.com

Party | Basic

If vanilla is your favorite ice cream flavor, you’re meant to come to this. “Basic,” in this case, stands for: “broadly appealing songs in the club.” Get ready to dash from the bathroom when “Yeah!” by Usher inevitably comes on. | 10 pm. Prices vary. The Dolphin Tavern, 1539 S. Broad St. facebook.com

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Music | Show Me The Body

You could probably predict this is a hardcore band. They showed us some new jams in “Dog Whistle,” an album released this March. Jam to some music that’s intense as a baseball hat to the head. | 9 pm. $13. Everybody Hits, 529 W. Girard Ave. ticketfly.com

Wellness | Mindfulness & Mosaics

Unwind and relax in some busy surroundings. It may seem kind of contradictory, but don’t worry, you’ll be guided through the whole process of meditation. Whether its your first time or your 500th, you need to take this chance to chill. | 6 pm. $10. Philadelphia’s Magic Gardens, 1020 South St. phillymagicgardens.org

Discussion | “But What of Black Women?” 

If we dug up your diaries from years ago, what would they say about you? Probably some dumb shit. But at this discussion of the sisterhoods of Black women in the 19th and early 20th centuries, their diaries and letters tell stories of activism and civil rights fights. | 7 pm. Free. Parkway Central Library, 1901 Vine St. eventbrite.com

Fitness | Cardiovascular Massacre

Let’s get physical. This honestly sounds like the title of an 80s workout video. This event is kind of like one, after all - you’re required to show up in your brightest glow-in-the-dark gear.| 7:45 pm. $10. Mastery Charter School, Pickett Campus, 5700 Wayne Ave. eventbrite.com

Music | The Valets

Throw ‘em the keys and let them take charge. These South Jersey boys seem like they know their way around a bar stage. No matter what happens, they promise to bring your car back safe. | 8 pm. $10. Ortlieb’s, 847 N. 3rd St. ticketfly.com

THURSDAY, MAY 16

Outdoors | Star Party

We can never really see shit in the sky from Philly, but hopefully this will be a clear night. Bring your own blanket for the first official night under the stars at this park. The Franklin Institute astronomy team will help us identify exactly what we’re all staring at. | 7:30 pm. Free. The Rail Park, 1300 Noble St. facebook.com

Competition | Big Mouth: Philadelphia’s Lip Sync Tournament

Lip sync for your LIFE! Just kidding, it’s not that serious. It’s just for a huge cash prize. So, no big deal, really. | 7 pm. $10. L’Etage, 624 S. 6th St. eventbrite.com

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Music | Blac Rabbit

This psychedelic rock group has drifted in from Rockaway Beach. They’re here to let us know that they’ve got an album, “Interstella,” coming out some time very soon. In the meantime, just jam to their November single “Seize the Day.” | 8 pm. $14. MilkBoy, 1100 Chestnut St. ticketfly.com

Comedy | Next Slide, Please: A Show of Slideshows

Our PowerPoint-happy professors used to make our college classes so fucking monotonous. These comedians will bring some respect back to the most efficient way to present information. We can’t picture how this will go, but we guess you’ll have to wait for the next slide to figure it out. | 7 pm. $5. Philly Improv Theater, 2030 Sansom St. eventbrite.com

Music | Andy Black

The sultry emo guy of our teenage dreams. Formerly the lead singer of Black Veil Brides, Black has made a name for himself with a solo music career. He just released his second album “The Ghost of Ohio” in April. | 7:30 pm. $28.50. Underground Arts, 1200 Callowhill St. ticketfly.com

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Music | Winter

We’d hate to remind you, but winter is coming real soon. It’ll actually be here in full force this spring. Confused? Don’t be. Just be here as this storm of a band blows into town and sweeps us all away. | 9 pm. $10. Everybody Hits, 529 W. Girard Ave. ticketfly.com

Learn | Battered, Beaten & Bruised: Case Studies in Forensic Anthropology

Don’t get scared by how science-y this jawn sounds. Basically, you get to look at really old, damaged bones and draw conclusions about human violence. This isn’t something you could just do in your backyard with free expert advice. | 6 pm. Free. Wagner Free Institute of Science, 1700 W. Montgomery Ave. eventbrite.com

Interests | A Community Writing Group Meetup

All event titles should be this self-explanatory. This is the first meetup of many for a group dedicated to developing all kinds of writing. It’s always easier when you have people read your work and let you know if it sucks. | 7 pm. $5-$15. A Novel Idea, 1726 E. Passyunk Ave. facebook.com

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