THURSDAY, MARCH 21

Music | T-Pain

T-Pain’s found a lot of success in his life, made all the more impressive by the fact that, for the majority of it and up until very recently, he was just a singer/songwriter/rapper/producer. Honestly, it’s hard to see how he’s managed to stay famous for so long. But now that he’s finally done something worthwhile - winning “The Masked Singer” by singing Sam Smith ballads while dressed as a character from the movie “Monsters” - well … the sky’s the limit. | 8pm. Prices vary. TLA, 334 South St. livenation.com

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Cultural | Holi Glow Party

Holi is a Hindu spring festival, celebrated predominantly in India and Nepal and known both as the “festival of love” and the “festival of colors.” If you’ve got a neon green sari and an itch to dance the night away, then Veda has the event for you. Join DJ Kool and LED Hoop performers as the desi hits bump and we all try to convince ourselves that spring is finally, mercifully, truly here. | 9pm. Prices vary. Veda, 1920 Chestnut St. eventbrite.com

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Movies | 'Us' Advance Screening

Who in their right mind would have thought, even a year ago, that Jordan Peele, of “Key & Peele” and “Chocolate News” fame, would be the hottest name in horror filmmaking? No one, that’s who. But the world is a wild, untameable place and Mr. Peele isn’t interested in your limitations. He’s written and directed a second horror movie - “Us” - and we’re willing to bet it’s gonna be terrifying and bizarre and real, real good. | 7pm. $12. PFS Roxy Theater, 2023 Sansom St. filmadelphia.secure.force.com

Food & Drink | Cheese: A Taste of Cross-Cultural History

Food knows no bounds. And while that sounds like high-level hoity-toity nonsense, we swear it’s only a little bit of high-level hoity-toity nonsense, because it is, in fact, true. And there may be no better example than the cheese plate you’ll consider - and, of course, consume - as part of this free culinary class. They may sit close together on the plate, but each cheese you chew has its own unique story, and its own delectable history. | 6pm. $20. Free Library of Philadelphia Culinary Literacy Center, 1901 Vine St. eventbrite.com

Learn | Ladies Get Paid: How to Be Your Own Boss

Being your own boss; that’s the ultimate American dream, right? Even in today’s America with depressed economics and a severe lack of well-paying jobs, running your own business remains the highest heights that most hope to reach. For women, reaching those heights can be even more arduous. Let other women who’ve already blazed that path, show you the way. | 6pm. $15. Hale Building, 100 S. Juniper St. eventbrite.com

Party | Mad World: The New Wave Dance Party

It’s a mad, mad, mad, mad, wild and crazy and wholly un-fucking-believable world. But it’s our world, and it’s up to us to make the best of it. Fortunately, The Barbary crew have conjured a new dance party craze to help us all to forget the bad for a minute. Drink, dance to 80s jams and just float, letting the surreal sounds of our surreal world carry you off into the happy, the wholesome, the good. | 10pm. $3. The Barbary, 951 Frankford Ave. barbarylive.com

FRIDAY, MARCH 22

Learn | They Persisted: Three Centuries of Philadelphia's Courageous Women

Betsy Ross earned the nickname “Little Rebel” for a whole host of reasons, but of course most people know the name of this miniature rabble rouser because she’s said to have stitched together the very first iteration of the American flag. Honor her legacy, and the lengthy legacy of all of Philly’s trailblazing women, at this Friday night event. | 6pm. $30. Betsy Ross House, 239 Arch St.

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Games | Designer Bag Bingo

Who’s ready for a wild night of balls and designer bags with Bingo Bill!? We sure as hell are, and you best get on board too; Bill’s not one for being let down, lightly or otherwise. This annual event includes 10 games plus water and soda, though there will also be a couple of cash games for the more … fortunate … folks amongst us. | 7pm. $30. Polish-American String Band, 2727 E. Westmoreland St. polishameric-anstringband.com

Dance | The Queen Teddy Movement II

If you’re wondering what, exactly, a Queen Teddy Movement is, we’re sure you’re not alone. But luckily for both of us, we’re good with research, so we’ve got ourselves (and you) covered. The Movement itself is Afro Beat in nature, with a focus on dance that brings fun and happiness and light into your life. The plan, of course, is to dance like no one’s watching. The goal? Well …. the goal is joy. | 8pm. $30. Equilibrium Dance Academy, 1802 S. Broad St. vipsocio.com

Comedy | Las Culturistas w/ Bowen Yang & Matt Rogers

Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers definitely quality as up-and-comers (Or maybe they’ve already come? Or maybe that’s not the word we should use to describe their imminent arrival as comedic stars?) in the world of comedy. But if Bowen’s gig at SNL or Rogers’ selection as one of Just For Laughs Montreal's New Faces in 2017 aren’t enough to convince you, the fact that the name of their tour is the wonderfully bitchy “I Don’t Think So, Honey,” should be. | 8pm. $20. Underground Arts, 1200 Callowhill St. ticketfly.com

Music | Philly Loves De La Soul w/ DJ Maseo

Gosh dern rootin’ tootin’ we do! De La’s been chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin’ and coolin’ since before the Fresh Prince was still getting situated in Bel Air. Come out and celebrate three decades of “3 Feet High and Rising” with this De La Soul-themed evening of Philly institution Johnny Brenda’s amazing tribute series, Philly Loves. There’s even a special - and kinda familiar - guest. | 9pm. $15. Johnny Brenda's, 1201 Frankford Ave. flygirrl.com

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Music | Fleetwood Mac

The Mac is back. Were they ever really gone? Did they, in fact, go anywhere other than here? Where is here, and do other places actually exist for the members of Fleetwood Mac to have gone to? The questions of our time, but the answers are never as easy to come by as one would hope. In lieu of answers, take this event instead. Maybe try shouting the questions to Mick Fleetwood? He always seemed kind of … in the know. | 8pm. Prices vary. Wells Fargo Center, 3601 S. Broad St. evenue.net

SATURDAY, MARCH 23

Fashion | Ray Darten Pop Up Shop & Fashion Show

It’s a multi-city fashion show and guess who’s invited? Yep, that’s right; you are! You’re invited! And all your family is invited! And your friends! And your friends’ friends! And their friends, too! Because summer is just around the corner and if you’re not looking fierce by March, you’ve probably got no chance for beach season. | 11am. Free. Power Plant Productions, 230 N. 2nd St. eventbrite.com

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Charity | Phillies Charities 5K

As has become our normal operating procedure, the most important bit first; all proceeds from this event will go to benefit, well, lots of stuff. Running is terrible, of course, but Phillies Charities, Inc. gives back to a number of needy organizations. So you can rest assured that whatever money you spend will go toward helping good ol’ Philthy Philly become Slightly Less Philthy & More Philan-thropically Sound Philly. | 9am. $50. Citizens Bank Park, 1 Citizens Bank Way. mlb.com

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Outdoors | Shofuso Opening Weekend

Spring is boutta be sprung (Check out our Scene focusing on the opening of Franklin Square if you want some real talk about what our anaconda may or may not want this season) and that means all the awesome outdoor stuff that closed for the Winter is slowly opening back up. This is Shofuso’s 61st season of operation, meaning it’s almost eligible for social security. | 11am. Prices vary. Shofuso Japanese House and Garden, Horticultural & Lansdowne Drs. japanphilly.org

Food & Drink | The Halal Guys University City Grand Opening

If you’ve never bitten into a big old mouthful of savory, gently spiced chicken - always thighs, no substitute - wrapped in a warm pita, nestled next to lettuce, tomato and onion and positively doused in both the most beautifully creamy garlic sauce and the kind of singular hot sauce you just know is going to cause problems later, then you’re probably not excited for this event. But you should be. | 11am. Free. Halal Guys University City, 3816 Chestnut St. thehalalguys.com

Charity | 35th District Food Give-Away

We don’t hate cops. We don’t think anyone should hate cops. Cops are meant to keep the peace, to serve and protect; to keep us all as safe as can rightfully be expected. Somewhere in the recent past, we lost this understanding. Hopefully, events like this one - a food give-away for the city’s homeless and hungry - should go a long way towards helping us to remember. | 12pm. Free. 35th Police District Advisory Council, 5960 N. Broad St. phillypolice.com

Music | Sal the Voice Valentinetti

You’ve really gotta be one hell of a singer for your nickname to be, “The Voice.” That’s like calling a bodybuilder, “The Body,” or a hotshot chef, “The Pan.” Of course, if you’ve ever heard Sal Valentinetti sing, chances are you’d skip questioning the moniker and go straight to ordering tickets. | 8pm. Prices vary. SugarHouse Casino, 1001 N. Delaware Ave. ticketmaster.com

SUNDAY, MARCH 24

Kid Friendly | You Belong in the Zoo

So this event is free … with a membership. So not, in fact, free at all. But since this is a member appreciation event, we’ll let it slide (also, the Philly Zoo is amazing, go see it). Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s talk turkey. And flamingos. Maybe a few bears, a big cat or three, giraffes and orangutans and snakes, oh my.  | 11am. Free w/ Membership. Philadelphia Zoo, 3400 W. Girard Ave. phillyzoo.pivvit.com

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Outdoors | Running Of The Gritty's

Is there anyone out there who hasn’t fallen head over skates for the Flyer’s new mascot? Anyone? Bueller? The Phanatic maybe? Really, Gritty couldn’t be a more perfect fit for this city and its fans. Sure, you’ll head to the Running of the Gritty's to jeer and laugh and point and pretend like you don’t feel the way you do. But we know how you feel. We know whose picture you look up late at night, whose name you call out in your sleep. We know … because we do the same. (This event may not happen, but we’re holding out hope and determined to speak it into existence) | 9am. Free. Wells Fargo Center, 3601 S. Broad St. eventbrite.com

Fundraiser | Mission: Possible 2019

As always, the most super duper important stuff right up front; proceeds from this musical extravaganza go to benefit the Cancer Support Community Greater Philadelphia (CSCGP). All you’ve gotta do to help out? Buy yourself a ticket, show up on time and then drink and chat and dance to the sounds of Bonehead, DJ Brother Mike, Gypsy Wisdom and many more of Philly’s top musical acts. | 2pm. $50. Victory Beer Hall, 1100 Pattison Ave. eventbrite.com

Music | Failure & Swervedriver

What an interesting choice to name a band, “Failure.” Like, if they were some small crew from some podunk town rockin’ out the local Chilis on a Friday night and you saw their name was “Failure,” you’d be like …. yeah. Totally. Makes complete sense. But the fact that they’re an internationally touring band with five full-length studio albums to their - maybe terrible - name just makes it all so much more … confusing. | 8pm. $30. TLA, 334 South St. livenation.com

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LGBT | Sunday Tea: A Pop-Up Queer Day Party

Queer. Philly. Pop-up Party. Three sweeter words have never been strung together in the whole history of (wo)man kind. And the fact that it’s called, “Sunday Tea,” is just so perfectly delicious. Like, yes, won’t you join me for an afternoon tea party with cucumber sandwiches and oh, also, a GIANT QUEER RAGER. Please RSVP at your earliest convenience. | 3pm. $7. Concourse Dance Bar. 1635 Market St. eventbrite.com

Fashion | Onion Trunk Show

What do you think of when you hear the term, “Trunk Show?” If your answer is anything other than, “a procession of beautifully made-up elephants, dressed in the finest fabrics and adorned with the sweetest perfumes,” then we are clearly not compatible. Also, if your answer was, “a show of clothing made by a local designer that you can purchase at the event,” then you’re right and you win a prize (Hint: It’s elephant-sized and smells very nice). | 2pm. Free. The Sable Collective. 3133 N. 22nd St. whitneymero.com

MONDAY, MARCH 25

Movies | The Secret Cinema

We don’t know how many times we can say this before you’ll all finally start to listen and take us seriously, but … Philly is amazing. There’s so much awesome stuff going on that, sometimes, we don’t even know where to start. The Secret Cinema is one of those awesome, only-in-Philly things, and this event pairs Secret Cinema with the Free Library to offer a glimpse into the ever-changing city we call home. | 6pm. Free. Parkway Central Library, 1901 Vine St. eventbrite.com

Jobs | Four Seasons Job Fair

Just in case you needed to hear/read this today; you’re important and amazing and we wish you nothing but the best. Sometimes, it can be hard to remember that everyone is just trying to make it through, to keep their head up and their eyes open and their heart and mind intact. You deserve a job. You deserve to be happy and healthy. Don’t let anyone ever convince you otherwise. | 9am. Free. Pennsylvania Convention Center, 1101 Arch St. fourseasons.com

Supporting LGBTQ Youth: A Seminar for Parents and Loved Ones

Man, it’s gotta be tough growing up gay. Or trans. Or, well, growing up at all. Being a kid is tough, but it’s especially tough when you feel something deep down inside you that’s just not like everyone else around you. The thing is, those people around you still matter, still play a pivotal role. This event is for those people. | 6pm. $35. Fishtown Wellness Center, 430 Belgrade St. eventbrite.com

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Food & Drink | Knife Skills with Chef Clara Park

Looking for a hip new way to impress bae? Well, look no further than this event with Chef Clara Park of SouthGate fame, where you’ll learn all the cool tips and tricks for kniving that’ll be sure to get your significant other more than in the mood. Throwing, twirling, spinning, kicking … huh? Oh. That’s not what this event is at all? It’s just about knife skills in the kitchen? Cool. | 6pm. $20. Free Library of Philadelphia, 1901 Vine St. eventbrite.com

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Networking | CEO BABES Happy Hour

The Prestige Society, for those of us who are not babes and/or CEOs, is a “membership organization for women entrepreneurs who want to build powerful networks while dominating their industry.” Which … awesome. Super awesome. But even more awesome? This event, which affords bossbabes like you the chance to meet, mingle and network like the CEO Babe that you are. | 6pm. Prices vary. Haute Restaurant & Lounge, 1420 Locust St. eventbrite.com

Music | Lennon Stella

Lennon Stella is a 19-year-old triple threat and yes, you should probably feel bad about the fact that at 19 you were sitting in the basement of a college dorm room eating Doritos and trying to convince yourself that you weren’t depressed. Just kidding. At least about the you feeling bad part. Definitely don’t feel bad. So what if you weren’t on ABC’s hit show, “Nashville” before transitioning to a solo musical career? You’re you and that’s all that matters. | 730pm. $25. TLA, 334 South St. eventbrite.com

TUESDAY, MARCH 26

Nightlife | Science After Hours: Speakeasy

Listen. We love it, Franklin Institute. We love the science behind cooking and high-level athletics, learning all the intricate little steps it takes to, well, take a step, or cross over some fool on the court. But at some point, all this “the science of” is just a way to partake in certain things without admitting to taking part. We mean, the science behind gambling? Sure, we wanna know everything. But do you maybe just wanna gamble? | 7pm. $25. The Franklin Institute, 222 N. 20th St. fi.edu

Comedy | Whindersson Nunes

“YouTubers, unite! By our powers combined, we harness the strength of The Internet, using our powers only for good (and to make a lot of money in advert-isements)!” Sorry, that’s just how we always imagined it being whenever YouTuber celebrities get together in real life. Do you think they give out Ring Pops once you reach a million followers? | 8pm. $30. Punch Line Philly, 33 E. Laurel St. livenation.com

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Trivia | DizQuiz

DizQuiz aka Disney Quiz aka Disney Trivia has landed, and boy howdy, is it one heck of a Shrek-sized doozy. If this event seems a little pricey, just hold your horses, muchacho; there’s more to this philly (see what we did there?) than meets the eye. 40 bucks will get your four-to-seven person team a spot in the game; from there, it’s up to you to prove you deserve a spot in the game. | 7pm. $40. Lucky Strike Philadelphia, 1336 Chestnut St. eventbrite.com

Music | Ceramic Animal

The Ceramic Animal crew are out on a US tour at the moment and set to swing through Philly for an evening of psychedelic rock at the one, the only, Johnny Brenda’s. The boys aren’t expecting much; they’ll be blowing in from Norfolk and, well, let’s be honest. Norfolk ain’t got shit on Philly. But it’d still be nice to give them a warm reception, don’t ya think? | 7pm. $14. Johnny Brenda's, 1201 N. Frankford Ave. eventbrite.com

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Music | Ariana Grande

Thank you, next. Just kidding. That’s not til’ the end of the show, when Ms. Ariana Grande aka Ms. Ariana Spanish Large aka The Former Ms. Pete Davidson, prepares to saunter off the stage, resplendent as ever, beaming from yet another impeccable performance, ready to take her dazzling show on the road to the next city, the next venue, the next sea of screaming, adoring fans. Thank you, next. | 8pm. Prices vary. Wells Fargo Center, 3601 S. Broad St. wellsfargo-centerphilly.com

Music | Nils Frahm

Nils Frahm makes music that would most easily be described as ephemeral, winding and wending and walking his way on fingertips from one key to the next, one piece to the next, one concert to the next. The form and content of those concerts may take initial shape at Funkhaus studios in Berlin, but they’ve already taken Frahm all across the world. Up next: Philly. | 830pm. Prices vary. Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St. ticketfly.com

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 27

Nightlife | Emo Skate Night

Ok so an emo skating event is really just a skating event wherein they also play emo music. We get it. You get it. Everybody gets it. But, once again, we find ourselves asking just what it is that Philly loves so much about all things emo. Seriously. It’s like, a city-wide epidemic. We got the Emo and there’s no way to get rid of it. Of course, we don’t wanna get rid of it. We just hunger for understanding, that’s all. | 530pm. $12. Rolling Thunder Skating Rink, 7017 E. Roosevelt Blvd. eventbrite.com

Music | Jawbreaker w/ War on Women

Emo, emo, emo, emo; we’ll probably never understand it. But we want to! Not the emo scene, not being emo as like, a thing; that we get. But the particular fascination that Philly has with all things emo is just truly eye-opening. Emo dance parties. Emo birthday events. Hell, the city even has emo ice skating! What a thing. Kinda makes an emo concert seem … almost normal? | 8pm. $42.50. Franklin Music Hall, 421 N. 7th St. ticketmaster.com

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Music | Bon Iver

It’s been a minute since Bon Iver burst onto the scene (considering the project’s initial sound, it may be more apt to say he “walked slowly onto the scene, holding fast to the hand railing for support”) with 2007’s self-released offering, “For Emma, Forever Ago,” but that hasn’t tempered fans’ enthusiasm.  While the group has gone away from the quiet, indie folk flair, they’ve still got the chops to keep audiences eating out of the palm of their rough, calloused hands. | 8pm. Prices vary. The Met, 858 N. Broad St. Livenation.com

Museum | Mutter Touch Tour

The Mutter Museum is a wild place. If you’ve never been, there’s almost nothing we could say, no series of words and/or sentences we could string together, in order to fully and completely encompass the bewildering strangeness that is the contents of the the place. If you have, then you already know that a tour wherein you can touch most of what you see is an interesting, if ultimately a little disgusting, proposition. | 6pm. Free. Mütter Museum, 19 S. 22nd St. eventbrite.com

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Food & Drink | 7th Annual Bourbon Battle

The Most Important Part: A portion of proceeds go to benefit the Pennsylvania PSPCA. As for the event itself; a whole bunch of bourbons enter … a whole bunch of sleepy, hungry, a little glassy-eyed and a lot rambunctious patrons leave when their Ubers show up. Seriously though, this is the 7th edition of the Annual Bourbon Battle, and you best believe the competition is set to be as fierce as ever. | 6pm. Prices vary. The Trestle Inn, 339 N. 11th St. eventbrite.com

Music | Lula Wiles w/ Nina De Vitry

Something that always gets us going; folk acts who actually play folk music. We’ve gone on record with this before, so apologies if we’re running over ragged ground, but so much of what’s considered “folk” these days, only actually applies to that term in the loosest of senses. Luckily for us (and you!), Lula Wiles may know the ins and outs of modern songcraft, but they were raised in the fields of real folk. | 730pm. $10. The Locks Music, 4417 Main St. eventbrite.com

THURSDAY, MARCH 28

Food & Drink | The Philadelphia Restaurant Festival

Regular readers will know we were hawking the 2019 Philly Chef Conference no less than two weeks ago, touting all the tips and tricks you’d learn from some of the top minds in the culinary world. Well … guess what? We’re back with yet another festival of food, a conference of culinary delights. Only this time, there’s no tips and tricks; just delicious food from all across the city. | 6pm. Prices vary. Crystal Tea Room, 100 E. Penn Square. upcoming-events.com

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Sports | Phillies Opening Day Party

We don’t much go in for sports around these alt-weekly parts, but every now and then we’re willing to make an exception for an event that seems especially … exceptional. Take this Phillies Opening Day Party, for example. The Phils will play 180 games, so usually if you’re partying, it’s on your own. But with so much renewed hope for the season (Thanks, Bryce!) and the eventual arrival of summer, we figure it’s as good a time as any to dip into the old Philadelphia Sports pool. | 11am. Free. Xfinity Live!, 1100 Pattison Ave. xfinitylive.com

Learn | Milk Safety in the 20th Century

Listen. We’ll be the first to admit it; this isn’t the most exciting event we’ve ever offered you. It’s not exciting, it’s not sexy; it just is. But more than simply existing, it’s also interesting and informative and, you’d be surprised to find out, more necessary than you’d think … at least when it comes to curing brucellosis, a formerly major foodborne and agricultural disease. | 6pm. Free. Science History Institute, 315 Chestnut St. eventbrite.com

Food & Drink | The Main Course: A Guided Culinary Experience

Quit watching all those stupid cooking shows and get your butt into the kitchen … to watch as a classically-trained Chef cooks you a delicious four-course meal that you then get to devour in front of him like hungry cattle! Join Hugo’s Executive Chef Andrew Pearce as he guides you on a culinary journey through the evening’s meal. | 7pm. $140. Hugo's, 1001 N. Delaware Ave. eventbrite.com

Games | Nickelodeon’s “Double Dare” Live

We were going to make a joke about how only 90s kids would be interested in this event but, did you know that this one-of-a-kind kid’s game show actually first aired in 1986? And only ran through 1993? With a short-lived revival in 2000? So yeah, 90s kids will be interested in this event. But so will everyone else. And let’s be honest; it may not be “Guts” or “Legends of the Hidden Temple,” but it’s still a part of our (see; just about everyone’s) childhood. | 730pm. Prices vary. Merriam Theater, 250 S. Broad St. kimmelcenter.org

Learn | An Evening with Women in Leadership

Sometimes, knowing you can do something is as simple as seeing someone who looks like you, talks like you and/or thinks like you do it first. For a lot of little girls, there aren’t many in the way of strong female role models in positions of power. This event aims to change that, offering the perspectives of several successful women who hope to share their achievements with the next generation of female leaders. | 7pm. $15. National Liberty Museum, 321 Chestnut St. Libertymuseum.org

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