FRIDAY, APRIL 5

Film | Midnight Madness: The Room with Tommy Wiseau

We did not make up this event. We did not. We did nooooooot … oh. Hi, readers. Fans of “The Room,” the most unique and, ahem, so-unwatchable-it’s-watchable movie ever made, will be all over this event. The rest of us are ready to burn the original copy and go back to the world we used to live in, one where we didn’t know of Tommy Wiseau’s existence and we could hear the name Mark without picturing a sickly pale stick figure on a rooftop, desperately trying to emote. | 12 am. $20. Landmark’s Ritz at the Bourse, 400 Ranstead St. landmark-theatres.com

Music | Fleetwood Mac

It’s a Mac attack and everybody and their dad, still clinging to the last vestiges of his youth, determined to convince you and your siblings that he’s still cool, even as you notice mom talking to him less and less, even as you notice his hair continuing to thin and his gut continuing to grow, all the while the light slowly fading his eyes, replaced by something colder, darker, are invited. | 8 pm. Prices vary. Wells Fargo Center, 3601 S. Broad St. wellsfargo-centerphilly.com

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Kid Friendly | Paw Patrol Live: “Race to the Rescue”

If you’ve spent any time at all around children in the last six months to a year, then you’re already well aware of Chase and Skye and the entire Paw Patrol phenomenon. In fact, it’s become so ubiquitous that it’s actually entered into the world of memes; look it up, we promise you won’t be disappointed. We can’t promise you’ll enjoy yourself, but we can promise that your kids will. | 6 pm. Prices vary. The Kimmel Center, 300 S. Broad St. kimmelcenter.org

Comedy | College Improv Night

Improv ain’t easy, but it sure is fun. That should be, like, on a t-shirt or something. In fact, there’s probably some improv group somewhere whose made that t-shirt; and, if not, we’d like to ensure we receive our royalty check. Please contact our lawyer. Also, please attend this college improv event. It ain’t free, but it sure is cheap. And fun(ny). | 11 pm. $5-$10. Philly Improv Theater, 2030 Sansom St. eventbrite.com

Food and Drink | American Whiskey Convention

Who amongst us doesn’t enjoy a bit of the brown from time to time? We’re not sodden enough to think that every corner of the Philly map has their hands raised, but we’re willing to bet more than a few of you are willing to spend big on a night of whiskey and … straight-razor shaves? Ok, sounds dangerous. But we’re in. | 5:30 pm. $50-$100. University of Pennsylvania Museum of Archaeology & Anthropology, 3260 South St. americanwhis-keyconvention.com

Arts & Crafts | Wooden Flip Flop Serving Tray Paint Night

Boy, that event name sure is a mouthful. But if you want an actual mouthful - of beer or wine or bourbon or some combination thereof - you’ll have to supply your own. Don’t worry about the art supplies though; everything else is provided for you (not including the artistic ability necessary to make your wooden serving tray a winner; of what? It doesn’t matter).| 6:30 pm. $45. Saint Monica School, 2500 S. 16th St. paypal.com

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Discussion | Radio Times with Stacey Abrams

Stacey Abrams has earned every bit of her legacy. Through sheer will and hard work, she’s become an author, entrepreneur, nonprofit CEO and political leader. She spent 11 years in the Georgia House of Representatives, seven as Minority Leader, and became the 2018 Democratic nominee for Governor of Georgia. Cower in terror at this live event as she makes it clear she’s not even close to finished yet. | 10 am. $20-$40. WHYY, 150 N. 6th St. eventbrite.com

Party | Jack’s Firehouse Irish Murder Mystery

The luck of the Irish has finally run out … well, for an evening at least. For one specific person. For one specific person on one specific evening at one specific event; this event, to be exact. Transport yourself to the Roaring 20s when flapper hats were all the rage and equality was a four-letter word, to unpack this alluring murder mystery, brought to you straight from the Emerald Isle. | 7 pm. $48. Jack’s Firehouse, 2130 Fairmount Ave. ticketspice.com

SATURDAY, APRIL 6

Arts & Crafts | Slow Art Day

“But, Calendar Section of Philly Weekly,” we hear you saying. “Isn’t all art technically ‘slow art?’” Yes, Dear Reader, most art in the classical sense could also be deemed some form of “slow art.” But this is less about semantics, and more about being conscious about the way we live. Take a breath. Move slow. Create something beautiful. | 10 am. Free. Philadelphia Museum of Art, 2600 Benjamin Franklin Pkwy. philamuseum.org

Philly Wine Week | Farm to Glass

Small scale, sustainable, organic and biodynamic; if those words alone don’t get your motor running and salivary glands salivating, then we don’t know what will. Wine is a true treasure, a terroir treat that leaves us glowing from gut to grin. But how it arrives in your glass is just as important as where and when it’s poured. | 12 pm. Prices vary. Fishtown Social, 1525 Frankford Ave. facebook.com

Event | Awful Wrestling: MocaMania 2

Every now and again, an event so interesting, so intriguing, so mind-bendingly ridiculous comes along, we have no choice but to climb to the highest heights available to us (Our desk chair), and sing that event’s praises as if we were, in fact, its forebears. Alas, we were not the first to conjure this “artistic and unathletic wrestling event,” which may well go down as our life’s greatest regret. | 7 pm. $10. PhilaMOCA, 531 N. 12th St. facebook.com

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Interests | Tarot Jawn: Occult Art and Practice

Any event with “jawn” in the title is sure to receive a stamp of approval from Philadelphia Weekly (Not saying it’s a cheap way to land in these pages, but, well … ya know). Couple that with an artistic approach to the otherworldly and occult (And a Gritty reference or three) and we legit couldn’t be happier to include this event. | 5 pm. Free. Thelesis Oasis, Ordo Templi Orientis, 1627 N. 2nd St. facebook.com

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Music | Washed Out

Imagine yourself wandering along a silent shore, stars twinkling gently in the blackness above, reflected like pinpoints on the crash and crush extending out beyond the break. The wind picks up suddenly, falling against you like a lost love, easing into and then through, a visiting spirit never to return. That’s what listening to Washed Out feels like. | 9 pm. $15. The Dolphin, 1539 S. Broad St. eventbrite.com

Outdoors | Rittenhouse Square Farmers Market

Forget farm to table or farm to glass; we’re going full-on farm to city. Philly already has an impressive array of restaurants who’ve jumped onto the farm to table movement, offering organic and farm-raised ingredients that provide a sumptuous, and sustainable, experience. Now, it’s your turn. | 9 am. Free. Rittenhouse Square, 210 W. Rittenhouse Sq. farmtocity.org

Music | Amanda Palmer

Amanda Palmer is one of those creatives for whom the title “artist” is truly apt. Which is to say, she doesn’t have just one medium through which she works; she has many. While this event focuses on her solo piano tour, “There Will Be No Intermission,” the Dresden Dolls front-lady is also self-releasing an artbook of narrative photography which is meant to complement the show. Quit it, Amanda. You’re making us all look bad. | 7:30 pm. $30-$55. Temple Performing Arts Center, 1837 N. Broad St. templeperfor-mingartscenter.org

Event | Slug Wife

Slug Wife, thug life; you can’t have on without the other, know what we mean? Honestly, we hope your immediate thought upon reading that was, “What the fuck are you talking about, PW?,” because that was largely nonsense. But if our oddness got you this far, then maybe, much like Andy Dufresne’s friend Red, you’d be willing to go a little further (Yes, we mean this event and yes, that was an entirely unnecessary “Shawshank Redemption” reference. You’re welcome). | 9 pm. $20. Warehouse on Watts, 923 N. Watts St. theticketingco.com

SUNDAY, APRIL 7

Festival | Philly BalkanFest

The Folk Dance Council of the Delaware Valley has joined forces with Fly Bottle Records to bring Philly its first-ever festival celebrating anything and everything Balkanese. You might be surprised to discover that Philly actually has a rich history of Balkan and Roma (Gypsy) artists and artisans creating in their old world traditions. Let’s take time today to celebrate their work and their legacy. | 2 pm. $20. The Rotunda, 4014 Walnut St. brownpap-ertickets.com

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Event | Planted Pop-Up Market & Plant Swap

Makers. That’s what Philadelphia’s full of, what separates it from other major cities across the US; we’re a community of makers. That’s why you see so many awesome events, just like this one. Makers make, and then share; it’s basically become a custom here in Philly. Make a plant. Bring it to Planted. Profit. Repeat. | 12 pm. Free. The Maas Building & 5th Side, 1320 N. 5th St. eventbrite.com

Charity | Spring Clothing Swap Meet

Sometimes, it’s nice to just get something new. Even if, technically speaking, that thing isn’t really “new.” Maybe it’s been worn a few times, mostly to bed. Maybe it’s been worn a whole hell of a lot, saw you through your first break up and even stuck around long enough to make sure you got back on your feet. But now it’s time to move on, for you and for them. We’re talking about clothes, by the way.| 7 pm. Free. Elixir Coffee, 207 S. Sydenham St. facebook.com

Music | Future Stars Show

Showcases like this are such an amazing opportunity. If you’re like us, then you definitely find yourself scraping the bottom of the Spotify library barrel more and more often with each passing week. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Sure, they’re not heading out on international tours or going platinum anytime soon, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth keeping your eyes (And ears) peeled for your new favorite band. | 11:30 am. $10. Hard Rock Cafe, 1113 Market St. eventbrite.com

Music | Shilpa Ray

Shilpa Ray seems awesome for a lot of reasons. Firstly, of course, there’s the music. She’s a blues-rocker with a penchant for weird vocals and layers of  Indian harmonium arcing through her songs. But she also just seems like a cool/weird/all that and then some kind of person. Like, her first solo album was called “It’s All Self Fellatio, Shilpa Ray,” and if that’s not just the most awesome thing, we don’t know what is. | 7 pm. $10. Everybody Hits, 529 W. Girard Ave. ticketfly.com

Running | Women Rock International Tutu Run

Women rock. That’s not necessarily a description of this event; we’re just of the mind that women are amazing and complex and, if given time and space, will absolutely rock you like you’ve never been rocked before. Fortunately, this event does, in fact, reflect that female-forward feeling. Note: Tutus sold separately. | 8 am. $15. Rhythm of Nutrition, 2169 66th Ave. eventbrite.com

Earth friendly | Schuylkill River Cleanup

Giving back is important. It fosters a sense of community and helps those people and places less fortunate to make a turn toward the better. Not to mention, well, it makes you feel good. It’s nice helping other people! Who knew? The Schuylkill provides us plenty, and it asks so little in return. What’s a few hours on Saturday afternoon, picking up garbage and saying thank you to Mother Nature? | 1 pm. Free. Bartram’s Garden, 5400 Lindbergh Blvd. bartramsgarden.org

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Music | Slow Caves

Slow Caves might not be a household name yet, but they’ve got quite a few shows to their credit, playing alongside cultural consciousness mainstays like Third Eye Blind, Cake, Rooney, DIIV, Cold War Kids, The Kills and Modest Mouse. Led by a pair of Dutch-born brothers, the Denver born and bred band are bringing their brand of indie rock to Silk City for a slow, silky Saturday show. | 8 pm. $10. Silk City, 435 Spring Garden St. eventbrite.com

MONDAY, APRIL 8

Music | Life in Vacuum

It’s always such an interesting experience listening to the type of music that Life in Vacuum makes. You could come up with all kinds of kitchy ways to refer to it, but at the end of the day, the best term for it is probably “intelligent.” They make angular, odd, spastic, urgent music that means far more with every listen. “Math rock” isn’t the most appealing term in the world, but it’s also not wrong. | 8 pm. $8. Kung Fu Necktie, 1250 N. Front St. ticketfly.com

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Event | Center for the Preservation of Modernism Opening Reception

Turns out, modernism isn’t really all that modern. Sure, it was once. But time and styles have come and gone and in the intervening years, modern suddenly became a very specific thing. If you’re interested in learning more about the style and where it originated, take a trip to learn about Jefferson’s Hassrick House, a perfect example of mid-century modern architecture. | 4 pm. Free. Jefferson College of Architecture and the Built Environment, 4201 Henry Ave. eventbrite.com

Games | Parks and Recreation Trivia

We’ve gone on record in the past with our belief that, barring some type of unforeseen circumstances, we literally could not possibly be beaten at “The Office” trivia. You might have thought that meant that “The Office” was our drug of choice, the only show on which we would binge, night after night, day after day, week after week. But, like Andy trying to guess April’s favorite band, you’d be completely wrong. | 7 pm. Free. Goose Island Brewhouse, 1002 Canal St. eventbrite.com

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Music | Tommy and the Commies

Tommy and the Commies actually got their start in a bathroom stall at a punk show, which, let’s be honest, may be the single most punk-tastic story that’s ever been told. And lucky us, because without that awkward initial interaction, we’d never have been blessed with the kind of crunchy Buzzcocks-esque rock Tommy and his Commie brethren have managed to make. | 8 pm. $10. Ortlieb’s, 847 N. 3rd St. ticketfly.com

Politics | Judge the Judges: Candidates Forum

You probably don’t know this, because most people don’t know this, because why would anyone know about something as important as this, but … this year, there will be a whopping seven vacancies in the Philadelphia Courts up for election. Considering the people elected will have a stake in our city’s justice, safety and dignity, it’s probably important we speak our mind on who sits on the bench. | 6 pm. Free. The Friends Center: Cherry Street Room, 1501 Cherry St. facebook.com

Event | Women in Leadership 

Someday, equality - real, true, tangible equality - will exist in this big, beautiful experiment we call America. Until that time, though, we’re forced to make due with the world we’ve been given. And that world is so often male-dominated and women-limiting. Forget escaping the glass ceiling; it’s time to shatter that shit. | 6 pm. $10. Drexel University, Lebow College of Business, 3141 Chestnut St. drexel.edu

Discussion | Civil Conversations: Religion & Media

It’s not a connection most people probably make, but media plays an important role in our approach to and feelings toward religion. It plays an important role in how we feel about, well, everything, because it’s in everything, but this event shines a bright light on the relationship between media and religion specifically, and our collective religious literacy. | 6:30 pm. Free. Temple University, Klein College of Media and Communication, 2020 N. 13th St. interfaithphil-adelphia.org

Arts & Crafts | Personal Finances for Artists Workshop

If it seems strange to you to have “artists” and “finances” in the same sentence, you’re not alone. The idea of being an artist - an actual artist, not a celebrity or a rich kid whose parents paid for them to have a gallery or a publishing deal - seems to fly in the face of most financial best practices; it’s simply not a sustainable way of life. Or is it … .| 6 pm. Free. The Rotunda, 4014 Walnut St. facebook.com

TUESDAY, APRIL 9

Charity | Stand Up For Parkinson’s

As per our normal Standard Operating Procedure: 100 percent of the proceeds from this National Parkinson's Disease Awareness month event go to benefit The Parkinson Council. We’ve all got at least one person in our lives who suffers from or has suffered from a chronic illness or disease like Parkinson’s. It can be difficult to laugh when a loved when is hurting, but sometimes laughing (And donating) is all you can do. | 6 pm. $30-$35. Punch Line Philly, 33 E. Laurel St. facebook.com

Music | The Browning

Have you ever thought to yourself, “Self, I sure do love this electronic dance music, but there’s something missing. It’s just not quite as brutal as I’d prefer it to be.” Or, mayhaps you’ve thought at one time or another, “Self, I sure do love this deathcore music, but there’s something missing. It’s just not quite as groovy and dance-tastic as I’d prefer it to be.” Well, we hope you’re sitting down, because boy do we have the event for you. | 6 pm. $15. Voltage Lounge, 421 N. 7th St. ticketweb.com

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Food & Drink | Italian Cookies Pastry Workshop

Listen, you get to go home with a tray of delicious, freshly-baked Italian treats and if that’s not enough reason for you to check out this event then maybe we just weren’t meant to be friends … ok, sorry. We lost our cool there for a minute. Anyway, the cookies should probably be enough. But if they’re not, the fact that you get to learn the recipes and can make them later at home is just, well, icing on the cookie. | 7 pm. $80. The Restaurant School at Walnut Hill College, 4207 Walnut St. walnuthil-lcollege.edu

LGBTQ | 30 Rock: Drag Queen Takeover

We think that this is going to be one hell of an evening and, thus, one hell of an event. Drag queens are amazing and beautiful and hilarious and “30 Rock” is, well, “30 Rock”; one of the funniest sitcoms of the last few decades. But that’s also what gives us pause. Who could be funnier/weirder/more disgusting than the real Liz Lemon? Who can rock a suit and glass of scotch like Jack “Don’t Call Me Jimmy” Donaghy? And Tracy, well … ain’t no one can do it like Tracy Jordan does. Ain’t no one! | 7 pm. $17. L’Etage, 624 S. 6th St. eventbrite.com

Music | Original Songwriters Open Mic

Being an unknown musician is tough. Sure, you get to travel around, playing shows, making people smile and laugh and clap their hands … assuming, of course, that you’re well known enough that people book you to play shows and will stop drinking or watching tv long enough to listen to your song. Mostly, people just want to hear what they know. But the true beauty, as it so often seems to be, is in the margins, the little hidden spaces, like this, that no one ever thinks about. | 7:30 pm. Free. SawTown Tavern, 4717 Princeton Ave. facebook.com

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Music | Shy Boys

We hadn’t heard of Shy Boys before this event came across our desk, so we decided to do a little Internet sleuthing. Next thing you know, we’re watching “Shy Ronnie” for the 23rd time, laughing maniacally at Rihanna and Andy Samberg and forgetting all about the world for a good long while. When we came to again sometime later, we found Shy Boys playing and, gotta be honest; it’s good. Real good. | 8 pm. $10. Boot & Saddle, 1131 S. Broad St. etix.com

Food & Drink | Stoli Key West Cocktail Classic Tour

Who wants to win a trip to Key West? We’re gonna just assume that every hand is in the air. All you’ve gotta do; create the tastiest cocktail that’s ever been shaken or stirred. The first 100 people to RSVP to this wild, Stoli-infused event will get to try every cocktail, plus a free Stoli drink ticket. From there, it’s up to you to decide just how bright your Bar Star shines. | 8 pm. Free. Boxers, 1330 Walnut St. eventbrite.com

Film | Behind the Screens

Open to current Temple students and alumni, as well as local filmmakers, film buffs, actors and arts organizations, this event focuses on underrepresented communities in the film industry. You’ll get a chance to network with some of the bigger names in the local scene, listen as a pair of panels discuss diversity and discover internships and opportunities in the industry.| 6:30 pm. Free. Temple Performing Arts Center, 1837 N. Broad St. temple.edu

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 10

Theater | Slayher! Philly's Only All Metal Drag Show

Tattooed Mom, you’ve done it again! Seriously, Mom’s is already one of our go-tos for weekly awesome and often uplifting events. But they may have just upped the ante to a whole new level with this Drag Queen metal show featuring Stepdad, Lorna Doom, Plexie Glass and more of your favorite queens. Who knew being this brutal could be this beautiful? | 8 pm. Prices vary. Tattooed Mom, 530 South St. facebook.com

Charity | Black Dog Gallery Benefit Show For Planned Parenthood

This is gonna be a big ol’ art and music showcase, and you’re on the guest list (So is everyone else, but we just wanted to make sure you felt included). As always, the most important bit: Proceeds go to benefit Planned Parenthood. The other important bits: featuring Aster More, The Audry Two, E. Grizzly, Mind Erase Her, Wormtooth and a whole lot more artists and makers. | 5 pm. $5. Boot & Saddle, 1131 S. Broad St. etix.com

Dating | LGBT Speed Dating: Ages 22-39

Uh ohhhhh. It’s that time of year again! The time when the snow and rain starts to dry up, the sun soars high in the sky and all those good feelings you had about your significant other evaporate like, well, snow and rain in the sun. If you’re part of the LGBT community and looking to leave your pointless Winter coupling behind, this is the event for you. | 7 pm. $30. ThirstyDice, 1642 Fairmount Ave. eventbrite.com

Arts & Crafts | The Art of Art Collection Happy Hour

Creating art isn’t the only art out there. In fact, a lot of things can technically be deemed “an art," versus straight-up “art.” Buying art that fits both the form and function of your home and personage is just one such “art”; sure, you may not be making anything, but you’re collecting, arranging and displaying in a what that’s meant to mean something. If it’s an art, you can learn to do it better. | 5:30 pm. Free. InLiquid, 1400 N. American St. Suite 314. eventbrite.com

Wellness | World Homeopathy Day Conference & Concert

Homeopathy, for those not in the know, is a system of alternative medicine in which like is meant to cure like. The fight for legitimacy has been on, almost since the moment Dr. Christian Friedrich Samuel Hahnemann first coined the term and the teachings in 1796. The World Homeopathy Day Conference aims to inform, engage and, hopefully, make believers of us all. | 9 am. Prices vary. Thomas Jefferson University, Connelly Auditorium, 1001 Locust St. ticketspice.com

Theater | Pride & Joy: The Marvin Gaye Musical

As always seems to be the case, the true story behind a great artist’s success is as much about the people, the influences, the love that formed the basis of that artist’s soul and work, as it is about the artist themselves. For legendary R&B singer, Marvin Gaye, that person was wife and collaborator, Anna Gordy Gaye. It’s the greatest love story never told, starring the man who wrote some of the greatest love songs of his generation. | 7 pm. $49. Merriam Theater, 250 S. Broad St. kimmelcenter.org

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Music | The Cactus Blossoms

Based on the sound, you’d probably assume The Cactus Blossoms, aka brothers Page Burkum and Jack Torrey, were Nashville, Tennessee born and bred, their formative years spent steeped in the longstanding traditions of classic folk and outlaw country. But that’s not actually the case. Despite their intensely natural sound, the ease of their twang, these two ballad bandits are Middle America, through and through. Oh, and they’ve appeared in “Twin Peaks.” | 9 pm. $15. Underground Arts, 1200 Callowhill St. ticketfly.com

Dance | Fascination Street

All industrial beats, all the time. Fascination Street might not sound dark and devastating, but that’s exactly what this evening is gonna be (Just to clarify, we mean devastating in a wholly metaphorical and ultimately as positive as possible sense). Featuring Statiqbloom and Malice Machine, this is your chance to stomp, kick and generally pound the night away...on the dance floor. | 9 pm. $7. The Tusk, 430 South St. facebook.com

THURSDAY, APRIL 11

Charity | Beers N’ Bulldogs

The Most Important of Informational Bits: $1 from every Evil Genius beer sold will go toward helping the American Bulldog Rescue. Also, you can actually adopt American Bulldogs here, which is awesome. As for the rest of it, well, we’re willing to bet it’s going to be a bully time (We mean bully in the informal and, in all honesty, out of date sense of very good or excellent). By the way, you know how a joke is really, really good? When you have to explain it to the audience (By the way, that was also a joke … ahem). | 6 pm. Prices vary. Evil Genius Beer Company, 1727 N. Front St. facebook.com

Music | Jai Wolf

The EDM scene in New York must be straight poppin’ based on the purely anecdotal evidence we collect while creating this calendar. Jai Wolf is just the next step on what seems an unendingly awesome evolution. Jai sprung onto the scene with bangers like “Indian Summer” and “Like It’s Over,” the irony of course being that Jai aka Mr. Wolf just seems to be getting started. | 7:30 pm. $20. Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St. etix.com

Partying | Spring Fling 2019

Three awesome parties. Three epic days. Spring Fling 2019 is set to ring in the new season with a whole boatload of rumba rhythm. From Recess Lounge to Field House to Stats on 17th, this conga line’s got the beat and it ain’t stoppin’ til’ it’s five miles long (Just kidding … we think). And if you manage to miss out on Thursday’s festivities, don’t worry; there’s a whole slew of sweaty, rhythmic events going down from the 11th to the 13th. | 10 pm. $10-$40. Locations vary. eventbrite.com

Music | Out Come the Wolves Punk/Ska Dance Party

Rancid, NOFX, The Ramones, Blink 182, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Jeff Rosenstock, The Specials, Bad Religion, MxPx, Alkaline Trio, Voidoids, Anti Nowhere League, Reel Big Fish, Green Day, Millencolin, The Clash, Screeching Weasel, Dead Kennedys, Goldfinger … (deep inhale) ... Less Than Jake, The Specials, The Offspring, Descendents, The Bouncing Souls, The Suicide Machines, Pennywise, Save Ferris, MC5, Jawbreaker, Weston, Dropkick Murphys … and more. | 10 pm. Prices vary. The Barbary, 951 Frankford Ave. facebook.com

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Dance | Silent Party

We haven’t been to one of these Silent Dance Parties yet, but we’re psyched to finally find out if the hubbub matches the reality (We know for a fact that it does, but it’s always best to confirm stuff like this first-hand). Like a silent elementary school dance (Do they even have those?) on steroids, all you’ve gotta do is choose Red, Green or Blue, and then let the soothing sounds of whatever the heck those DJs are spinning carry you off into the night. | 8 pm. $15. Lucky Strike, 1336 Chestnut St. facebook.com

Theater | Philly Song Jawn

Welp, it’s got “jawn” in the title so we’re already huge fans. Honestly, the rest of the event could involve mocking Gritty and playing pin the police summons on the North Philly zombie and we’d still be into it. Thankfully for us - and the North Philly zombies - this event is less about angst or anger, and way more about songs and silliness. The tunes might be familiar, but the lyrics at this event are definitely not. | 8 pm. $5-$10. Philly Improv Theater, 2030 Sansom St. eventbrite.com

Sounds | Wharton Battle of the Bands

It’s not quite Coachella, but it’s … close? If you squint real hard? UPenn’s campus may not transform into Southern California anytime soon, but that doesn’t mean they can’t recreate the pomp and privilege (Just kidding! We think … ) of the Biggest and Bougiest Music Festival in the World, aka Coachella. The real stars of this event won’t be the young women in headdresses and fur boots though; it’ll be the seven bands (And a professor!) rockin’ your UPenn swag right off your beat-matchin’ booty. | 7 pm. $35-$65. Theatre of the Living Arts, 334 South St. wharton.upenn.edu

LGBTQ | The Connect: An LGBTQ Hangout

We could all use a friend. A confidant. Someone who understands that, even as we complain about ourselves, our lives, we don’t necessarily need commiseration; we need support. Understanding. An appreciation for the struggles we face on a day to day, year to year basis. For the LGBTQ community, Qunify seeks to provide just that. Join them at Trolley Car Station on Thursday for an evening of drinks, networking and, most importantly, friendship. | 5:30 pm. Free. Trolley Car Station, 3940 Baltimore Ave. facebook.com

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