On The Radar

Why does the GOP hate America?

By Steven Wells
Add Comment Add Comment | Comments: 0 | Posted Mar. 12, 2008

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Illustration by Hawk Krall

I'm a big fan of alternate history. Like what if Stalin had been born 70 years earlier in America and been elected U.S. president after Lincoln? Uncle Joe would've deported the racist Southern scum en masse to Alaska. This country would've avoided the shame of the KKK and more than a century of apartheid and right-wing racist terrorism. No lynchings. No Jim Crow.

But wait, you say--the real Stalin was a mass-murdering commie psychopath. Ah yes, but this Stalin would be American and therefore automatically a good guy. QED.

I'm currently reading the just-published The Bloody Shirt: Terror After Appomattox by Stephen Budiansky, which catalogs how, after the Civil War, the proto-Nazi filth of the Confederacy engaged in war of murderous terror against African-Americans and their white allies that makes the modern-day efforts of Al Qaeda look like a Girl Scout bake sale.

The only conclusion one can draw is that the modern Republican Party--which took up the mantle of Southern racism after the 1960s (stealing it from the Democrats)--is a terrorist party. And that a vote for the Republicans is a vote for terror. (Which--given Republicans and Al Qaeda hold the exact same views on most issues, including the right to choose, torture, civil liberties, gay rights and the destabilization of foreign governments through acts of bloody and hideous terrorism--shouldn't be all that surprising.)

Another book I'm reading (I usually have 20 or so on the go at any given time because I'm really clever) is A Home on the Field by Paul Cuadros, which is about how a mostly Latino school soccer team helped a North Carolina town realize that mass immigration is the best thing that could possibly happen to the U.S.

"Americans are born every day, everywhere in the world," writes Cuadros. "Being American is so much more than just having citizenship. It's that beat in your heart to be free ... America has always been an idea. It has nothing to do with papers, documents or immigration laws. It has a lot to do with ideals and dreams. And our country needs Americans like these. It makes us a stronger nation."

Damn straight. Immigrants enrich our culture (soccer being one obvious example), improve our food, enlarge our vocabularies, open our eyes to the rest of the world and pay our pensions through their taxes.

To be anti-immigrant is to be anti-American. It means you hate free enterprise, which--if it means anything--means the right to move wherever you goddamn want to find work.

Thus being anti-immigrant makes you a commie. Which makes Republicans communist terrorists, and therefore the deadly enemies of America.

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