Don't Drink the Kool-Aid

Getting awesome with Tommy Up

By Tommy Up
Add Comment Add Comment | Comments: 0 | Posted Feb. 24, 2009

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Every week as I write this column I like to relax in my French double-ended clawfoot tub for a soothing bubble bath, a 16-ounce glass of Johnnie Walker Blue Label and a scrumptious Cobb salad to set the mood. It's now that I realize I haven't given too much thought to the nightlife theme of this column, and in light of the impending fall season when all the annoying people come back from the beach, I want to drop some science regarding the "scene" here in town.

Since the authorities closed down most of the good massage parlors last week, we're all going to have to find some new places to spend our money while we're drunk. This week I'll focus on a trend that's going to be forced down everyone's throats this year: the bowling alley. Bowling isn't just for poor people anymore! There are three new bowling alleys in town, and each is geared toward a different crowd.

Strikes at 4040 Locust St. in University City was the first alley to open. It's a very solid spot with cheap beer specials, and it's fun to watch the Penn kids burn the skin off the roofs of their mouths with the surprisingly tasty chicken fingers.

Shoe rental price: $3.

This June saw national bowling chain Lucky Strike open at 1336 Chestnut St. Lucky Strike is like the Dave & Buster's of bowling with two enormous floors, a Q102ish mix of dance music and overpriced drinks. Instead of our yearly trip to Delilah's, my brother and I brought my dad here for Father's Day, and they made me buy him a new shirt before we went inside. (My dad's a pimp and wears sleeveless shirts.) But he enjoyed the friendly waitresses in extremely short skirts, so it turned out for the best.

Shoe rental price: $3.95.

Last we have North Bowl in Northern Liberties. North Bowl opened last weekend at 909 N. Second St., right next to Standard Tap. North Bowl is exactly the type of place where the Dude, Walter and Donny would be facing off against the Hispanic pederast Jesus Quintana. "Let me tell you something, pendejo ... you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger till it goes click."

Shoe rental price: $3.

Getting awesome bonus!: $2 PBRs.

Holla at party thrower and subversive marketing genius Tommy Up at tommyup@philadelphiaweekly.com

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