9. I think it’s ok to make the jerkoff motion whenever a college student talks about their thoughts/feelings/beliefs.
10. Be careful; you are a can of soda. RT @Pepsi: Biking along the beach to catch the sunset. Doin’ summer nights right!
11. Someone should do a cover of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.” Such a lovely song.
12. “It just feels so good to have a clean apartment!” - someone who’s never killed a bear with a sword
13. “Poking” someone on Facebook is exactly as creepy as showing them your soft penis in an elevator.
14. Upset that Netflix is raising its prices? Go buy meth where your local Blockbuster used to be.
15. I just mentally undressed, fucked, married, had 3 beautiful kids with & died of old age with a woman that jogged past me.
Rob Delaney performs Sat., April 14, 8:30pm. $16. Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St. 215.232.2100. utphilly.com
Bill Burr’s got a brand new F-word
20 nights of summer laughter