Philadelphia Weekly

>>Ben Jammin'

Sons of Ben Tailgate Party

Sat., April 14, 4 pm. Free. Wachovia Spectrum, 3601 S. Broad St. 215.389.9543. www.myspace.com/sonsofben

Who are the most phanatical Philly sports fans? How about a bunch of relentlessly yelling, chanting and singing sons-of-bitches so hardcore the team they support doesn't even exist? The Sons of Ben are Philly soccer fanatics with a flag, shirts, scarves, chants and a self-penned song sheet, but no major-league soccer team to support--yet. And they make more noise than all the rest of Philly's fans put together. Tired of bland, corporate, spoon-fed, Disneyfied McFandom? So are the Sons of Ben. Join them for burgers and beer in the Wachovia parking lot, and then head to the arena proper for a jolly sing-along designed to both intimidate and amuse. At the last Kixx game the approximately 30-strong SOB attended, they were drowned out only once--by 4,000 Girl Scouts shrieking the theme from SpongeBob SquarePants. One day soon Philadelphia will once again be a major soccer city. We've already got the fans. Now where's our goddamn team? (Steven Wells)

>>Keeping it wheel

R.E.Load April Fools' Race

Sat., April 14, 2pm. $5. R.E.Load, 608 N. Second St. 215.922.2018. www.reloadbags.com

Fancy attending a citywide biking jamboree that rivals the Hells Angels Labor Day Run--except without the Hells Angels and, oh yeah, without the motorcycles? People of all nonmotorized bicycling styles and abilities are invited to join Philadelphia's very own anarchic yet incredibly well-organized two-wheeled scavenger hunt, followed by an after-party featuring local DJs and beer provided by (who else?) Pabst Blue Ribbon. With an enormous number of checkpoints to choose from, racegoers get to plot their own courses to locations throughout the city, where they'll have to complete ingenious bike-related challenges in order to collect points. There'll be some serious biking talent on display, much of it drawn from Philly's own amazing hardcore bike community. But even riders who can't pedal without getting their corduroys caught in the chain are still guaranteed a biketastic day out. (Jean Luc Renault)

>>Ear Wax

Making Time With Klaxons and Soulwax Nite Versions

Sat., April 14, 9pm. $12-$14. With 2manydjs, Bonde Do Role + Surkin. Transit, 600 Spring Garden St. 215.925.8878. www.igetrvng.com

It's rare, but every so often an event is so amazing it breaks down my jaded hipster defenses and makes me squeal like a little girl at an American Idol taping. Making Time is one such event. There's a live set by Soulwax Nite Versions, a DJ set by 2manydjs and the first Philly appearance of much-hyped British new-rave band the Klaxons. Best of all, the festivities go until 6 a.m. If you don't trust me on how monumental this night is, maybe you'll trust Dave Pianka, aka Mr. Making Time. "I'm more excited about this Making Time than any other in the almost seven-year history of the party. This lineup is like a European festival--no party in America can match it." He's right. Now it's up to us to prove we deserve it. (Jack Schonewolf)

>>Maya Maize

Maya Weekend: The Dawn of Civilization

Fri., April 13-Sun., April 15, various times. $140-$175. University of Pennsylvania Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology, 3260 South St. 215.898.4890. www.museum.upenn.edu

In the beginning were Tepeu and Gucumatz. In order to be gods T&G needed worshippers. So they created animals. But the animals were noisy and unpious, so T&G banished them to the forest and tried to make humans instead. First they used mud, but the bodies crumbled. Next they tried wood, but these humans lacked souls. So T&G made earthlings out of corn, mixing the ground kernels with blood. And these men and women were just right. The children of the corn lived for many years--gaining great insights into numbers, architecture and medicine--and became a vast civilization. And then they mysteriously disappeared. And Mel Gibson rewrote their history. And soon the world will end (in 2012, according to the Mayan calendar). But to fill in the gaps Penn hosts its annual all-weekend, all-Mayan event with top scholars breaking down such topics as "highland-lowland interactions" and "the Olmec barrier" in between workshops on ritual dances and hieroglyphics. And just so you know, humans share more DNA with corn than with horses. (Kate Kilpatrick)