Philadelphia Weekly

ARTS AND CULTURE

Local Comics on Bars and the Bards

By Sharon Margolis

Add Comment | Comments: 4 | Posted Jan. 12, 2011

Doogie Horner

Best Philly bar: Bob and Barbara’s—cheap drinks, cool people and ping-pong, plus Nate Wiley and the Crowd Pleasers. Although Nate died a couple years ago, they don’t have ping-pong anymore, and I haven’t been there in a couple years.

The first time I got hammered: I think I was in Rome? I was young and stupid so I drank Long Island iced tea, and I was at a discotheque dancing in a tight shirt because I was in Europe, and I staggered through Piazza San Pietro and saw someone trying to steal a moped.

Greatest onstage drunk talk: Drinking does not help my comedy. If I’m drunk on stage, it’s because the show is horrible and I don’t want to be there and my brain is like, ‘I refuse to stick around for this shit. You’re on your own, body!’

Best drink you would never order around another man: Spunk Guzzler.

John McKeever

Best Philly bar: The Bards; it’s very cozy and there’s not a lot of riff-raff.

Greatest onstage drunk talk: Anytime at the Raven where I’m just as drunk as the crowd. It’s like a rough town meeting where no one agrees with me, but I have the floor. It’s just so genuine. It’s like Fight Club—you beat the shit out of each other, and then you’re like, “You know, I could totally hang out with you ... But I don’t think you’re funny at all.”

Tommy Pope

Best Philly bar: I spend a lot of time at The Bards. It’s close to Helium, and it’s a great mix of people and beers. My other favorites are North 3rd and Standard Tap.

Most loco Four Loko experience: I don’t understand the craze. This drink has been around for years and still goes by its original name, “Alcohol and Cocaine.” Until it’s acceptable to share Four Loko with complete strangers in a bathroom stall, I’ll stick to the original.

Best drink you would never order around another man: The blood-orange margarita from North 3rd. It’s like having the show Glee in your mouth. The bartender lines up martini glasses rimmed with orange Tang, then shakes them violently in front of your face, as if to say “HEY EVERYBODY! There’s a couple dudes over here about to disappoint their dad!”

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COMMENTS

Comments 1 - 4 of 4

1. J.R. said... on Jan 12, 2011 at 11:18AM

“Tommy Pope::::by your selection of best philly bars it shows that you would not no a good bar if it bit you on your "hip" ass.... from a good bar in the river wards..."FISHTOWN"ASK BRIAN McMANNUS WHO HAS BEEN SHOWED THE ERROR OF HIS WAYS.HE NOW KNOWS YOU DON,T HAVE TO BE AN ELITIST CRAFT SELLING COVER CHARGING NON SMOKING $9.00 BURGER SELLING ESTABLISHMENT TO BE COOL.LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR REPLY MY GOOD MAN.”

2. KyleBBatz said... on Jan 13, 2011 at 01:33AM

“JR what bars are you referring to? The reason a lot of these places sell "9 dollar burgers" is simply because they're quality products and the real estate on 20th and Sansom is much higher than any place in Kensington. You can't really knock someone for enjoying a quality beer and quality food. Are you suggesting that a good bar is a place that doesn't sell any craft beers, quality food and is full of smoke (and when I say quality I mean the meat is of a high quality and extra time and care are put into every aspect of a dish, not just "yo dis taste good")? People are always very quick to say the food is too expensive in town but if you get a burger outside of town it's a few dollars cheaper and tastes like garbage. Also, the bars he mentions are not really expensive.”

3. Tommy Pope said... on Jan 14, 2011 at 04:19PM

“Kyle, I think we found the Kensington strangler and he hates pricey burgers. CAPS LOCK,S ON!”

4. mrainey82 said... on May 31, 2012 at 03:37PM

“JR, I'm willing to bet my tax return that you have pictures of ladies on your walls with the eyes scratched out.”