Philadelphia Weekly

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The kid on the right is the one we want to babysit.

Now that the sun god Obama has risen in the sky, signaling that all human conflict is over for all time and forever, it's time to put down adult things and become as children. It's time to point at shiny bright pop phenom and say, "coo!" It's to get our Pop Rocks on baby!

1) The end of snark

With the election of Obama, I personally feel that we should NOT take this as an opportunity to beat up on the old, totally-out-of-touch white man who, until recently, clung on to office even as his policies failed, the morale of his staff collapsed and his appointees resigned in droves.

Just because we are finally--oh god, finally--seeing the removal of one of the worst leaders this country has ever seen, that is no reason for us to engage in spiteful recriminations.

In other words, I firmly believe that recent events--such as the election of Barack Obama--herald the end of snark. Let us close down the bitchy little local Philly gossip blogs written by cowardly bullies who hypocritically preach a hyperlocal patriotism whilst actually doing little else but spread poison in their own communities. Then let us drive these Bush-lite snarky scribes into Obamaist ashrams where they will have the snarkiness thrashed out off them and niceness and civility and respect for all living things thrashed into them by kung-fu monks armed with birch twigs.

As Nick Lowe wrote: What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?

Which is why I ask you all to join me now in a moment of reflection or, if you prefer, prayer.

2) Kid's Cartoons Where the Animals Get Their Heads Blown Off For Real

Anyone who's ever wondered what would happen if Bugs Bunny put a real gun to Daffy Ducks head and pulled the trigger should go here and here.

Titled the The Plausible Impossibility Of Death In The Mind Of Cartoon Characters these iconsplattertastic works are the creation of 15-year-old Harry Cauty and his dad, James. Cauty senior used to be in the pop bands KLF and The Justified Ancients of Mu Mu who were perhaps best known for burning a million British pounds (actually something less than a million given that several of my British music journalists chums stole several thousand)..

And you should also go here (and click "play movie") and of course, here.

And one should also check out the incredibly sad issue No. 5 of the comic Animal Man, which features a roadkilled Willy E. Coyote being resurrected and then revealed as the cartoon Jesus Christ, sent into the real world to endure endless suffering so that cartoons might live in eternal four-colored bliss.

3) The Muslims and the Homosexuals

As the only journalist of international note currently working in Philadelphia my life is a constant struggle to beat off the screaming mobs of PR flacks desperate that I spend even a few seconds considering their glitter-dipped wares.

It's the indie music PRs who have the hardest job. Not only are the bands they hawk invariably rubbish, they invariably have rubbish names. Blah, Hum, Whatever and so forth. Which is why the appearance of a band with a name that smacks one on the nose with a rolled up newspaper is such a welcome relief. Which is why I decided to spend 10 very precious seconds on the myspace page of a band with the wonderfully zeitgeisty moniker The Muslims.

I then immediately emailed everybody in the world decreeing that The Muslims have the best band name ever. But then PW music editor Brian McManus emailed me back about The Homosexuals.

I hate him.

4) Zombies, apes and war

If you want to feel the feverishly racing pulse of the zeitgeist you need go no further that the science fiction racks of your local bookstore or the shelves of your local comic shop. The former coughs up The Living Dead--a marvelous compendium of zomboid short stories.

The latter are awash with monkeys, war and yet more zombies. In fact monkeys are this year's zombies.  Or they would be if zombies weren't still this year's zombies--they truly are the cultural meme that refuses to die.