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This comedy showcase features a lineup of some of Philly’s top stand-ups including, Alex Pearlman, Steve Miller, Paul Easton, Conrad Roth and Reggie Conquest. There will also be a slew of food and drink specials. Warning: Couples who prefer to stay together should definitely avoid sitting in the front row. Tues/14, 8:30pm. Free. Noche, 1901 Chestnut St. 215.568.0551. noche215.com

Till Death Do Us Part: Love Stories of Laurel Hill

Roam the historic cemetery and listen to tales of undying love and tragic loss from beyond the grave. After, head indoors to warm your flesh next to a toasty fire while sipping on red wine and hot cocoa and nibbling on tasty snacks. Sat/11, 1pm. $18-$20. Laurel Hill Cemetery, 3822 Ridge Ave. 215.228.8200. thelaurelhillcemetery.org

Love, Wine & Chocolate

This annual chocolate and wine pairing features a guided tasting of five different wines and four chocolates. In addition to having your senses stimulated downstairs in Pinot’s intimate wine cellar, you’ll learn how to create your own perfect dessert pairings. Bonus: The class is led by PW ’s food/wine guru Brian Freedman. Fri/10-Sat/11, various times. $49. Pinot Boutique, 227 Market St. 215.627.9463. pinotboutique.com

The Vagina Monologues

Come out to hear stories about the va-jay-jay and help a good cause. Now in its 12th year, V-Day Penn is one of the university’s largest and most successful social justice campaigns, raising awareness about violence against women. The organization has raised more than $75,000 for Women Organized Against Rape in the last three years. Fri/10-Sat/11, 8pm. $9. University of Pennsylvania, Irvine Auditorium, 3401 Spruce St. upennvday.org

First Person Arts “The Ex-Files” StorySlam

For the second year, First Person Arts is offering folks an unconventional Valentine’s night out. Ten storytellers will take the stage and get five minutes to regale you with their true tales of love lost. Some stories may tug on the heart strings while others may make you wet your pants. Judges, selected from the audience, will then score the performances on a 10-point scale. Tues/14, 8:30pm. $8-$10. World Cafe Live, 3025 Walnut St. 215.222.1400. worldcafelive.com

The Free Library of L’Amour

On the prowl for a Valentine’s date? Skip the bar and head to the nearest library. Throughout the beginning of February, the Free Library is holding speed-dating events for singles of all ages at several branches around the city. Participants are encouraged to bring a book they’ve either loved or hated, or just recently read to use as an ice-breaker. Sat/11, various times. Free. Various locations. 215.686.5322. freelibrary.org

Dances of Love

Everyone knows that the tango and rumba are the sexiest dances of all time. So, on the most romantic night of the year, the Society Hill Dance Academy is holding a class every hour between 5 and 9 p.m. for you to learn one of the two. If you’re looking for something a little more freestyle, their annual “Twist of Love Dance Party” is on Saturday. Tues/14, 5pm. $40. Society Hill Dance Academy, 409 S. Second St. 215.574.3574. societyhilldance.org

The Naked at the Philadelphia  Museum Scavenger Hunt

Roam the art musuem—fully clothed—while working with a team to find the answers to questions hidden in nude works of art. You’ll have to scrutinize a sultry sea-monster, a peeping Tom, extra-large bathers and saints with shocking piercings. Sat/11-Sun/12, 2pm. $34-$38. Philadelphia Art Museum, 2600 Benjamin Franklin Pkwy. 866.811.4111. watsonsadventures.com