Philadelphia Weekly

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Valentine’s Day isn’t about showering your significant other with gifts. Nor is it an excuse to sit home and weep uncontrollably while listening to Lionel Richie’s greatest hits on repeat. It’s about making time in your busy schedule to enjoy the people you care about, unapologetically eating your weight in chocolate and maybe getting laid. So whether you’re single or attached, here are some things going on in the city that’ll help you realize the true meaning of the holiday.

Second Stories: Dream Date
Held on the second Tuesday of every month, this free storytelling series features a line-up of local comedians and other creative types who each get ten minutes to entertain you with a tale revolving around a certain theme. For this very special V-Day edition, host and storytelling extraordinaire, Jamie Fountaine has invited some of the most attractive and interesting storytellers in the city. Valentines and Tiger-Beat erotica will be provided. Tue/14, 7pm. Free. The Dive, 947 E. Passyunk Ave. facebook.com/thedivebar

Cupid is Dead

Slated to be one of the last performances at the Tritone—the beloved South Philly music venue—this anti-Valentine’s cabaret features a lineup of local and internationally renown musicians and artists, all of whom will be performing in protest of the corporatization of love. The show is also a benefit for Collage, the three-day collaborative arts festival going down in May. Tues/14, $10. Tritone, 1508 South St. 215.545.0475. tritonebar.com

The Playdaters

You’ll have only one night to catch the Philly premiere of Neil Haven’s unconventional romantic comedy. Starring a young cast of rising local stars, the show revolves around two roommates who exploit a dating website, playing pranks on unsuspecting women. Laugh at all the antics, desperation and desire that goes into a “real” relationship. Tues/14, 8:30pm and 10pm. $10. Plays & Players Theatre, 1714 Delancey St. playsandplayers.org

Peek-A-Boo Revue

As always, Philly’s premiere neo-burlesque show delivers a night of classic song and dance with a sexy sense of humor. You have two chances to catch the beauties strip down, but they’ll be kicking the heat up a notch for the later, strictly over-21 show. Sun/12, 5:30pm and 8:30pm. $19. World Cafe Live, 3025 Walnut St. 215.222.1400. worldcafelive.com

Valentine’s Party and Movie Tuesday: Blue Valentine

As if watching an Oscar-winning indie film starring Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams isn’t a big enough incentive, the Troc is celebrating V-Day with a full-on bash. In addition to free candy grams and arts and crafts, guests are invited to share their dating horror stories for a chance to win a prize. The best/worst stories will be read after the film. Arrive before 7 p.m. and score yourself a free beer and a bag of popcorn. Tues/14, 8pm. $3. The Trocadero, 1003 Arch St. 215.922.6888. thetroc.com

Chocolate

This decadent, two-hour chocolate tasting features unique, hand-crafted chocolates, chocolate desserts and other chocolate-inspired items from local chocolatiers, bakeries and restaurants. Celebrate all things cocoa with live music, raffles, hors d’oeuvres, wine, specialty cocktails and a chocolate beer garden! Sat/11, 7pm. $35-$55. WHYY, 150 N. Sixth St. 215.351.1200. whyy.org

1812’s Funny Valentine

Featuring some of Philly’s finest comedic talents, this annual cabaret of music and comedy promises to be the funniest Valentine you’ll receive. Mon/13, 8pm. $15. Tin Angel, 20 S. Second St. 215.928.0770. tinangel.com

Sweetheart Skate

What’s more romantic than holding hands with your significant other as you clumsily skate around a regulation-sized rink to your favorite love songs? Guests receive a free photo keepsake, chocolate treats and free roses for the ladies—while supplies last. Tues/14, 6pm. $20. Blue Cross RiverRink, Columbus Blvd. at Market St. 215.925.7465. riverrink.com

Love Hurts

If you’re single and bitter, you won’t feel as bad about being alone on Valentine’s Day after scholars explore the harsher side of love and relationships with salacious tales of romance in the ancient world. Following the program, join the Young Friends of the Penn Museum as they gather for a cocktail reception. Thurs/9, 6:15pm. $5-$10. Penn Museum, 3260 South St. 215.898.4000. penn.museum

Kryptonite For Your Relationship