EQUALITY FORUM

Drag Race

by Heather Duffy

Have the B-Girlz ever performed in Philly, or is this your first time?

HK: "The only Philly I've ever performed with is that cream cheese that comes in a plastic container ... "

BB: "Yes, I see you've spread it on your thighs ... "

HK: "Shut up!"

BQ: "Girlz! Honestly, I believe we're talking about Philadelphia, the city. This is our first performance and visit to Philly and the Equality Forum. We're coming to Philadelphia to represent Canada because it's the Forum's themed nation this year."

HK: "You may have heard of us from our infamous Showcase Television commercials promoting Queer as Folk and Pride Toronto that were seen nationally on TV in Canada."

BQ: "We are very big celebrities ... "

HK: " ... in a very small community."

BB: "But Girlz, we are expanding."

HK: "Your waist is, at least."

BB: "No, my horizons! We're starting to make inroads with the U.S. market and will be performing at Michigan Pride on June 11, 2004."

How did the B-Girlz get started?

BQ: "Well, it all begins with me. My name is Barbie-Q, and I come from Brampton, Ont., where I used to be a geriatric hairdresser. You know, blue rinses and mustache waxes. A few years back I left the comfort of my trailer to seek my fortunes as a professional gambler in the bright lights of Casino Niagara. Within 24 hours I had lost my nest egg--all $126.37 worth. I was destitute. So I was walking down the main drag and I came across a sign for an open audition for showgirls in Don Arden's Jubilee. And that's where I met Belle."

BB: "Yes, I was on a day pass from Sing-Sing."

HK: "Belle, quiet."

BB: "Kora, I've learned to accept my past as a kleptomaniac."

BQ: "Really? I thought you were a crook."

HK: "Same thing."

BB: "Anyhow, I saw that sign for that same audition as Barbie-Q and thought, 'What's the worst that can happen? I'm already in jail!' That's where I met Barbie-Q."

BQ: "I was intrigued by her jewelry."

HK: "You mean her handcuffs."

BQ: "When Belle returned to prison I wrote to her almost every day."

BB: "When I got I finally got sprung, I came to Canada and Barbie-Q and I decided to pool our talents and put together our own cabaret act. One day we were having lunch, and when we were finished our 'Moon Over My Hammy's' and the bill arrived, we both excused ourselves to the little girls' room and exited out the back door, where we heard this moaning coming from a dumpster."

BQ: "It was Kora, lying face down in a sack of day-old croissants."

BB: "Kora, what were you doing there?"

HK: "Girlz, I still don't remember."

BQ: "You see, Kora suffers from amnesia. Everything before meeting Belle and me, she simply doesn't remember."

HK: "Wait a minute, girlz. It's all coming back. I'm seeing stocks going up, trials, outfits with black and white stripes ... "

BB: "That's not from your past."

HK: "It's not?"

BQ: "No. That's from that CNN special report on Martha Stewart."

HK: "Oh."

BQ: "But no matter the details of Kora's past. It was obvious to both Belle and me that she had her own special groove to offer."

BB: "So our duo became a trio. And we became the B-Girlz."

And now you're debuting a new show. What should the audience expect?

HK: "We like to think of it as a disco glamour cabaret."

BQ: "We take popular songs, put them into a medley format and give them a whole new context by telling a little story."

BB: "It's a high-energy show and we sing all kinds of hits from such artists as Destiny's Child, Donna Summer and ABBA--to name just a few."

HK: "This show is called Thoroughly Modern Girlz and explores the fates and foibles of today's modern women--you know, the things that make us tick."

BB: "Make us tick?"

BQ: "Make us sick!"

HK: "And because we're 'modern girlz' we also have a multimedia component that includes original videos of us exploring the lives of modern women from the 1950s to the zero-zeroes."

Tell me about a typical B-Girlz audience. Who comes to see you?

HK: "Drunks."

BQ: "Kora!"

HK: "Well, it's true."

BB: "Shush. The press doesn't have to know. We appeal to a very large audience: gays, lesbians, straights ... "

BQ: " ... children."

BB: "It's a family show."

BQ: "That's because we never use nasty language or do anything overtly rude."

HK: "Just innuendo."

BQ: "It does have a wide appeal. You can bring your grandmother to the show and she won't even blush."

HK: "She may have a heart attack, but she won't blush."

BB: "Hush, Kora. You know we don't have insurance."

BQ: "Even straight guys like us."

BB: "Yes. To them we're the Beastie Boys of drag." 2

Sat., May 1, 10-11:15pm. $15. Prince Music Theater, 1412 Chestnut St. 215.569.9700. www.princemusictheater.org