Mud sport: We’re on Belgian Café’s Team Fergie when it

Field Guide

Mussels

by Tim McGinnis

There’s nothing quite like steaming your face over a piping-hot bowl of plump, impossibly tender mussels. They were once tragically torn from their rightful home alongside a batch of crispy frites, buttered baguettes and pints of hoppy ale during the (f)atkins craze. But now it’s socially acceptable again to mop broth with crusty bits of bread and wash it down with buckets of carb-bombalicious beer. Like God intended. Field Guide here to point you to the holiest houses with the most bitchin’ bowls.

If You’re Mad as a Monkey on a Trike

On Mondays Belgian restaurant Zot (122 Lombard St. 267.639.3260) offers up all you can eat of 50 different types of mussels and shoestring frites prepared by a genuine Belgian chef—all for $25. The price includes your choice of soup or salad and a glass of the “tipple” of the night. Best deal since the Treaty of Versailles. $ P Q E F O

If You’re Not a PPA Employee

The red and white versions of the super plump and tender mussels at Royal Villa Cafe (1700 Jackson St. 215.462.4488) are worth the trouble of combing Girard Estates’ narrow streets for a parking space. When in doubt, do as the locals do and triple-park in a tow-away zone. It’s South Philly, baby—pretend you’re going to church. $ P Q O

If You Still Think NoLibs Is Hip

We didn’t ask for a side order of hipster with our mussels at Azure (931 N. Second St. 215.629.0500), but man, did we get one. Mussels steamed with rosemary, roasted garlic and lager served with grilled bread for $8 made putting up with the front-row view of ill-fitting jeans and ironic hairstyles bearable. $ P Q

If You Don’t Believe the Hype

The fact that the Belgian Café (601 N. 21st St. 215.235.3500) was panned by Craig LaBan made us a bit nervous, but we threw caution to the wind an dug into a big bowl of their brilliant Bosch-style mussels made with tomato, basil and Delirium Tremens ale. After washing it down with a Kriek Lambic, we’re happy to report that either they’ve learned from their mistakes, or Mr. LaBan’s palate’s gone gooey. $ P Q E F O

If You’re Looking to Get Happy

London Grill (2301 Fairmount Ave 215.978.4545) has a three-hour, $3 happy hour that begins at 4 p.m. and includes beers, cocktails, wine and food all for $3 each. The tasty mini-mussels plate will keep you cozy as you decide how to spend $3 the hard way. $ P Q O

If You’re the Muscles From Brussels

Contrary to popular belief, the best export from Belgium is neither waffles nor Jean-Claude Van Damme … it’s beer. Everyone knows Monk’s Cafe (626 S. 16th St. 215.545.7005) has one of the finest representations of Belgian beer in the country. They’re just as obsessive-compulsive about the quality of their mussels and frites as they are about their beer. You down with OCD? Yeah, you know me. S P Q E F